Oh Valentine’s, thank you for the excuse to eat Carbs!

I have a reoccurring thought while inventing recipes….I often find myself daydreaming about doing naughty things, like icing cupcakes with vegemite instead of chocolate frosting and giving them to people I am not fond of…Does anyone else do that? hmmmm

Anywhoo….Girlchild and I wanted to make something yesterday to use some beautiful berries we got. I had originally planned to make a flourless chocolate cake and some creme fraiche to go with the berries. This plan was quickly changed when the Girlchild reaffirmed her NEED for nilla wafers….So we developed this…

CoffeeBeanBerryWafer Cake:

First, to make the creme fraiche you must start the day before and mix 1 cup heavy whipping cream with 2 tbsps of buttermilk. Put on your counter in a sealed jar and leave it there for atleast 12 hours, shaking occasionally. Don’t worry about leaving dairy out. That’s the point. You need the bacteria to freak out. The next day, put it in the fridge to chill.

For the crust, use 3/4 of an 11 oz box of Nilla Wafers, 1/2 cup of melted butter and 1/4 cup white sugar. Pulse in a food processor or smash in a ziploc. press into a springform pan (or whatever you have).

Take your fresh creme fraiche, add 2 tsp vanilla, 1/4 cup of white sugar and beat until slightly frothy…sprinkle one package of knox gelatin over it and IMMEDIATELY beat again, this time on high.

Spread over the crust:

Place berries on the filling and place in the fridge until you are done with the ganache.

To make the ganache: break 2 ounces of über dark chocolate into a bowl. Add one single serving package of starbucks via blonde coffee powder (or whatever powdered espresso you have.)

Bring 2 ounces of whipping cream to almost a boil…careful not to scorch it.

Pour over the chocolate and coffee, let sit a couple minutes and whip smooth.

Spoon a drizzle over the berries and enjoy.

YUM.

Boychild + Girlchild + Cookies + Grinch + Christmas

We made cookies and watched the Grinch …we experimented with flavors and peppermint oil and chocolate…

We made Chocolate Chocolate Chip peppermint, Dark Chocolate chip hazelnut, and Peanut butter dark chocolate chip!They ate cookies until they were nauseous and I managed to avoid eating a single cookie at all (ok so I might have ate a bit of dough…)

It was glorious.

Most Christmassy thing we have done all month.

I got great pictures and hugs and smiles. Who knew a pound of butter, a couple pounds of sugar and chocolate with some flour and eggs could result in the best afternoon in a season!

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All I want for Christmas is…….

You to buy me the following things:

……….

That’s how my blog for this day had been planned to start off this morning.

While I showered this morning I was trying to come up with something either clever or poignant to blog about. I came up with something totally cute, witty and materialistic.

Then I got out of the shower to news of another mass shooting. I have no real words. I could go on about gun control or gender roles or mental health safety net deficiencies or developmental stages and testosterone and all sorts of things. But really, none of that matters.

I feel sadness for all the families involved in all the tragedies the last few months.

From Aurora to Clackamas to Newtown to China to the Gaza strip to Afghanistan and people killed by our drones and all our soldiers and everything else.

But I cannot dwell on it.

I cannot dwell on the personal issues I am facing.

I must take joy in things like getting a coveted spot at a nonprofit that I care about.

Like the delicious kisses from a little puppy.

Like the sheer brilliance in my daughter’s smile when she gets a new haircut.

Like the intense flashes of passion my son shows when describing something he cares about.

Like being able to write these things on my computer.

So maybe I will dream a bit and share my silly list.

It is tradition, after all.

Jani’s List for Santa:

1. A box of blue non-latex gloves, medium. I dye a lot of hair and my box is almost gone. One of those silly things I cannot rationalize buying…
2. This Nora Roberts book: The Perfect Hope (don’t judge me! Its the final book in a trilogy!)
3. The book my future first ex-wife wrote: Oh Nadia….
4. This album….It is seriously the only one by her I have ever wanted…I don’t know why I need it…there are a few songs that just well…Don’t judge me. I am already judging me.
5. These fabulous shoes: Not that I have anywhere to wear them.
6. ANYTHING unicorn. I have decided to restart my collection…You could start with this calendar.
7. This amazing pan! I am a mad cook and I need a nice pan!
8. I would also like to replenish my stock in this lovely oil.
9. This delicious dress, size 14 please.
10. Anything from this line, but I am almost out of this…my unicorn placenta cream….
11. Delicious stinkpretty juice.
12. This pattern and this fabric! (hahaha got two out of number twelve!)
13. A new blender for margaritas, er healthy smoothies.
14. LOTS of bottles of this wine. I prefer red usually but white is nice too.
15. An address book. Any address book. Mine is 17 years old and has names I want to forget and no room for new addresses! My BFF Lisa has 13 addresses in it! Are you kidding? I have white out on white out on different colored markers!

So yes. Come on fans! Get me presents! I’ll give you a PO Box if you want to send them 😉

Merry ChriskwanzahanaksolsticeFESTIVUS!

Remember the words of Anne Frank….

“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

30, er 33 things I am thankful for:

1. Being in the last year of my formal education.
2. Only having 4 classes left for the rest of the year.
3. My kids being healthy again.
4. My romantic relationship being romanticish again.
5. My mentor being a human.
6. Growing up in the mountains and knowing how to drive unlike half the tools I am surrounded by here in the big city.
7. Knowing what if feels like to experience grace.
8. My hands.
9. My eyes.
10. My ears.
11. My feet.
12. My health.
13. My friends.
14. My neighbors.
15. Heather. Lisa. Heather.
16. My childhood, fractured and chaotic as it was.
17. Soldiers.
18. Being in Idaho for Thanksgiving, two fold: incase the big one hits the Cascadia Fault and also so I can see my brutha.
19. My car being paid off and my car working well.
20. Food.
21. Wet dog kisses, even though I act like I hate them.
22. My challenges.
23. My emotions and subsequent my occasional chemical imbalances.
24. Lichen.
25. Global awareness.
26. Banana Slugs.
27. Art.
28. Rain.
29. Equal Rights becoming more equal.
30. My knowledge of the real Thanksgiving and the colonialism/colonization that was that atrocity.
31. The ability to blog and share it with you all.

Have a good holiday, however you choose to celebrate or not celebrate it. I don’t think of it in terms of the Mayflower and first nations, I think of it in terms of counting my blessings instead of lamenting my woes, with people I love.

And 32. Thanksgiving Day Football.

Update: And here is 33: Explainations for whats up this week, phew

All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi….

Not really.

I said that as I typed it and started wondering if that makes me the most interesting woman in the world…..ADD

I digress.

What I really, really craved today (the hardest day thus far on my Dukan journey despite the 16 pound pay off I already have received) was the white wine I was using to cook. It was sooooo difficult to put it back in the fridge and not take a sip. I’ve never actually craved alcohol. I mean, I’ve wanted a drink before for sure. But never craved. LOL

I think it is more of a matter of knowing that I can’t and having the will power to not convince myself to slip once….You know the diet rationalizations, “If no one saw me, I didn’t eat it”…”Just one and it will quell the craving”….”I’ll just taste it and spit it out.”

And then you find yourself binging on everything you can think to put frosting and peanut butter on, sitting in the middle of your kitchen floor, rocking, sobbing, and chewing….

No?

Never?

Ahem.

Uh, me neither.

I was just, you know, using hyperbole.

In Greece he spent a year in silence just to better understand the sound of a whisper…..

Today was the first day I got to enjoy the delicious divinity of vegetables in ten days. Oh my. It was quite simply heaven. (finally in the “cruise” phase of the Dukan diet…)

I probably overate.

But you know what? It was all squash so I don’t care.

Yum.

Delightfully non-meat morningstar crumbles.

Sweet purple carrots.

Tender butter lettuce.

Crunchy sweet peppers.

My cherry tomatoes were the bomb too.

Tantalizing marinara with all its basily garlicky goodness….complete with mushrooms and nutritional yeast fake parm….OY

I’m salivating just thinking about it.

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Corn and Margherita Pizza, WHAAAAAAT?

I occassionally have cravings. And these last couple days I been craving corn and homemade pizza…..so I made margherita pizza and grilled some corn, simple wrapped in foil and doused in Old Bay seasoning.

The pizza is so pretty!

1. I cheated and bought a store crust, I like the Rustic brand;
2. I brushed it with white truffle oil;
3. Threw on some spicy marinara;
4. Some freshly squeezed and sliced mozzarella straight out of their watery home;
5. Lovingly placed some sundried tomato halves on top;
6. Chiffonaded some fresh basil with my magic scissors (ok so its not really chiffonaded);
7. Microplaned some delicious parmigiana;
8. Then put that bad boy in the oven at 425, for about 14 minutes.

Gorgeous.

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Be jealous bitches.

Broccolini, Broccolini, night and day it’s Broccolini….

I’ve become slightly obsessed with broccolini, to the point my kids are sick of it. Oh well, apparently my heart chakra is in need of some greens, ok? I had been trying to incorporate them into my diet more and more (greens that is) and had run out of new things to try in my neck of the woods. That is, until the farmer’s market opened back up.

Broccolini is a magical hybrid of broccoli and kai-lan, of the cabbage family. It is sometimes sold as Chinese Kale. It should be bright green with yellow flowers and florets.

It is touted to have massive inhibitory effects on human cancer cells and is all around just good for you. So I have a simple recipe for you brave souls who would like to try it and those of you who are familiar, perhaps a new way to eat it!

Broccolini Mussolini

The first thing I do is to heat a couple of tablespoons of olive oil in my lovely cast iron pan, then add 3-4 minced cloves of garlic, stir until soft and fragrant. Then add a couple of spoons of pesto, some chopped sun-dried tomatoes and a few capers with some sea salt. Gently fold in your rinsed broccolini and cook until wilted.

Meanwhile, I have a pound of penne cooking in salted water….drain of course after cooked….then…

Toss the two together!

Shave some parmigiana over the top and eat. It’s magical. And much lower in bad fat than creamed sauces…

The part of the recipe where I sing, “Broccolini, Broccolini…” to the tune of “Cinderelli, Cinderelli…night and day it’s Cinderelli…” is totally optional.

I missed Tuesday-boozeday, but here’s to HUMP DAY!

I have this thing about me, when it comes to alcohol I am pretty simple. I do not like girly frou frou drinks or anything sweet. Typically, I am good with shots. Preferably, whiskey. Tequila, if I am feeling froggy and wanna make an arrogant man feel emasculated by my tequila drinking skills versus his….But that is my own personality flaw…And another reason I am pretty sure this is my first life as a female….I admit it, I often have penis envy…or atleast I am envious of the doors that penises? peni? can open…

I digress.

Point being….When it comes to mixed drinks, rum and coke is as fruity as I get. And don’t put a freaking lime on it, I didn’t order a cuba libre. GAWD

Another thing about my drinking habits, should I say I have a drinking habit? Hmm…My drinking preferences?

Beer makes me sleepy. But if I have to drink it, I better not be able to see through it.

Wine must be red.

And I typically find something I drink for a while and nothing else, until I switch.

Lately, because I was trying to get a drink that wouldn’t make me feel tooo terrible about the empty calories the Cellar Bar at the Ringler’s Annex, one of McMenamin’s magical places, introduced me to this drink. BUT i Janified it 🙂

It breaks all my rules.

It’s sweet.

It’s fruity.

It has a freaking cherry.

It has soda in it.

It has ice.

It comes in a glass that is bigger than this:

Regardless, here is my recipe:

Buvez et obtenez un bon bu!

Janified Amaretto Sour:

First get an array of delicious citrus:

I like to use 2 oranges, 2 tangerines, 4 lemons and 2 limes.

Either use a simple juicer or get all hard core like me and peel your citrus:

Then throw them in your magical centrifugal juicer:

Then you end up with this kind of deliciousness that will separate, make sure you give a good stir before you pour:

Then you wanna give a spoonful of maraschino cherry juice over your ice:

Then fill your glass 1/3 full with Amaretto of your choosing:

Then 1/3 more with your fresh delicious nutritious guilt free citrus juice:

Then top off slowly with some 7up or whatever lemon-lime soda ya got. (this mixture produces a fantastic foam like a root beer float….”It is so good” like Martha Stewart freaking good.)

Top off with a few cherries.

*The more you drink the more cherries you will want. They become a sport to spear in the bottom of your glass 😉

Stir slowly before drinking.

Enjoy!

xoxo

Bacon Leek Tomato Soupage Cha! BLT soup!

Here is the way to make one of my most favoritest tasty creations:

BLT Soup Recipe

Rough chop 6 slices of bacon, render until cooked but NOT too crispy.

Chop 1 whole celery bunch, excluding the last 3-4 inches but including the little baby leaves in the center…

Slice 2 leeks and mince about 3 cloves of garlic, add to bacon and saute about 10 minutes.

Don’t my leeks look like lips? lol

Meanwhile:

Dice 3 large creamy taters, I like yukon golds….

We will say these represent our potato bread in our BLT.

 

Pour enough chicken or mushroom broth combined with a little water to cover them in a stockpot. Boil.

Add the leek mixture and salt, pepper, thyme, celery seed and a couple bay leaves. Bring back to boil.

In a bowl, mix 1/2 cup flour with a  cup of milk. Slowly pour into stockpot while stirring. Turn down, cover and let simmer.

Simply slice in half a variety of small cherry, grape and pear tomatoes. About 2 pints. I like the heirlooms because they taste good.

I hated tomatoes my whole life until I came to hippyland and tasted organic heirloom tomatoes. They are different and BEAUTIFUL! I can’t help but take pictures! Look at these! They look like pomegranates!

Add to your soup.

Cook another 5-10 minutes on low and stir gently, so you don’t destroy your beautiful little tomatoes.

Enjoy.

@BitchinKitchen Bacon Chocolate Supper Club Challenge

Dude.

Bacon.

Chocolate.

Nothing else left to say.

Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients
6 slices maple cured bacon, minced
2 cups milk chocolate, roughly chopped
1/2 cup crisped rice
Fleur de Sel

Recipe tools
Small pan
Double boiler
Silicone mold

Directions
Making the bacon: Heat pan on medium. Add bacon and render until crisp. Set on paper towel and remove excess grease.

Making the chocolate: Melt chocolate in a double boiler over medium heat. Take off heat when chocolate is 80% melted, continue stirring until fully melted. Add bacon to melted chocolate. Delicately fold in crisped rice. Poor mixture into silicone molds, cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes

Yield: approximately 24
Prep Time: 5 minutes + 30 minutes cooling time
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Ease of Preparation: easy

C/O http://www.bitchinlifestyle.tv/bitchin-supperclub/item/1104-bacon-chocolate

Here’s the pictures:

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Here is my opinion:

“Bark” is easier than molds after the cocktails. Yes, ma’am.

This stuff is too good. Devil good. Sin good. Soul for sale good.

Damn you Canadians and your evil uses for bacon-GOOD!

First, the candied bacon; now this.

Merde, ceci est délicieux.

I went without the heels this time, @BitchinKitchen….

So I am really getting into this whole supperclub challenge deal. I’m kinda crushin on Nadia G these days…plus no man would have ever got me to cook in heels….

Anyhoo….This week was Creamy Gorgonzola and Portobello Risotto.

The recipe is as follows:

INGREDIENTS

• 3 cups organic chicken stock
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 4 Portobello mushrooms, diced
• 1 yellow onion, minced
• Sea salt
• 2 cups Arborio rice
• 3/4 cup good white wine
• 1/2 cup crumbled gorgonzola
• 1/3 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
• Freshly cracked pepper

DIRECTIONS

Bring the chicken stock to a bare simmer in a saucepan.Meanwhile, heat the butter and olive oil in a medium pot over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until golden, 1 minute. Add the mushrooms, onions and 1 teaspoon sea salt and saute for 8 minutes. Stir in the rice and cook for 2 minutes. Deglaze with the wine and cook until the wine has reduced completely. Ladle in the simmering broth, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly until the rice absorbs all the broth before adding more. Repeat until all the broth has been added and the rice is al dente, about 20 minutes. Stir in the cheeses and a pinch of sea salt and pepper.Spoon the risotto into bowls and enjoy.

Recipe is from: Cookin’ For Trouble by Nadia G., copyright (c) 2011. Published by Ballantine Books.

But I, being me, had to change it up a bit…

For starters, I had to use vegetable broth as the boy child is allergic to poultry, I cut back on the salt because I find Gorgonzola ridiculously salty and I added extra garlic just cause, I am partial to it…also, I added more broth to compensate for the fact that I felt compelled to add some asparagus because the dish looked a little flat and neutral….

I dig the bright green happy little spear trees…(I’m having a Bob Ross moment….won’t you share it with me? all the happy little asparagus spear trees……)

Whoa. Ok back to cooking….The recipe also gave me a good excuse to buy some Cupcake Wine (from Livermore, Ca, where my bestie lives) besides what I have on the rack, cause I don’t stock white wine 🙂

Here’s what it looked like with a few little Jani tweeks:

 

20 things I wish a mother had taught me. Any mother. Even yours.

Mind you some of these things I know how to do, NOW. Some of these things, I have not yet figured out, but I am working on it. I am not going to note which are which.

1. How to crochet;
2. how to put on liquid eyeliner properly;
3. how to sock away money in case you ever have to leave;
4. how to pick a proper wine;
5. how to effectively and consistently maintain the role of parent while not damaging children’s souls;
6. how to swim underwater without plugging your nose;
7. how to be brave no matter what it may cost you;
8. how to stand up for yourself and others despite the sorrow it may bring;
9. how to continue to nourish your own soul while providing others roots for their own without doing all their gardening for them;
10. how to cook for exactly the amount of people you need to cook for, not 3789639465349756349 extras;
11. how to know when someone is lying to you;
12. how to deal with rejection and failure;
13. how to let go of control;
14. how to see the good in others when the bad stands out;
15. how to do basic maintenance on a car;
16. how to get rid of aphids;
17. how to roller blade and/or ice skate;
18. how to tell your child, “Oh that sucks.” without wanting to fix it for them;
19. how to slow down and appreciate what you have;
20. how to teach love by being love.

That is all. 

Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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 So without boring you with all the sordid, scandalous details, my dear sweet hubby has been a real schmuck lately. For at least the last month or so. Maybe since Christmas even 🙂 Valentine’s wasn’t the best, my birthday had its moments. He did however buy me a bazillion dollars worth of couture shoes and a fancy dress off of my “never gonna get any of this stuff” wish list, so he got SOME brownie points; last night however, got him off the hook for quite a while.

This is how my evening went:

I was at school all evening and received a text stating I needed to call him when I got to my park and ride location and not to ask questions. So I did that. I got home and once in my driveway noticed a note in a ziplock bag hanging on the garage door (to keep it dry of course, it rains here all the blessed time).

I called to let him know I was here to which he replied, “Stay in your car, I will call you when you can come in.” I asked if I should get the note or not and he said “NO stay in your car and I will call you when you can get it…”

I can follow instructions so I did that…

He called and advised me I could come in. I got the note:

So I did as it said, came in, to see our house immaculate, lit with no less than 20 deliciously scented candles and fragrant star-gazer lilies; my husband was standing near the dining room table dressed to the nines gesturing me up the stairs and Stevie Nicks “Belladonna” was playing on the record player.

I went upstairs to find my magical new dress, shoes, another note (that you will not be seeing ;)) and my bedroom alit with candles, lavender and fancy stones spread about.

I wondered where the dog and kids were, but only for a moment; I came to learn (the Girl Child had to zip my dress) that they were all in on it, the Boy Child had the dog in quarantine, the Girl Child was pretending to be asleep.

I went downstairs and danced with my husband in my fancy shoes.

We ate a most delicious Italian tiramisu/trifle like dish he prepared all by himself from scratch that was layered with chocolate cake, pudding, whip cream, kahlua and toffee with hand shaved chocolate curls…

Paired with the most expensive, delicious, well researched Port I have ever had the pleasure of putting on my tongue:

Then we played a game of cribbage all dressed to the nines, drinking wine by candle light. I won. (It may not sound romantic, but it’s how we roll)

Then he switched the record to:

Side 2 😉

Things got a little hotter. And I opted for my spa/massage treatment. The rest of the night is mine, you voyeuristic freaks.

But I can say with all certainty, the massage had a happy ending.

SO. Here’s the moral of the story, Significant Others…

If you are gonna be a schmuck and try to make up for it with expensive trinkets, you better arrange a time for them to be worn or used and pair it with wine and flowers and music and dancing and food and candles and massage and letting the other person win. Romance helps more than the stuff. Just sayin.

Good luck, Schmucks.

Good job, Husband. You get to stick around for a while longer 🙂

I’m kinda a big deal. Yeah.

Check me and my bad self out.

http://ht.ly/9b528

That’s right. Demi-celebrity.

Bask in my birthday glow.