Monthly Archives: February 2012

Couples’ tattoos, a cursed thing….

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Couples’ tattoos, a cursed thing….

***UPDATE*****12/28/2012

I wasn’t brilliant. There are no loopholes. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ONE.  DOH

Unless you are brilliant like me.

I’m sort of addicted to tattoos. Seriously. But I like to think of them as a diary I cannot lose. I have 14, if you count one cover up that only I and a certain tattoo artist are aware of.

But I remember where I was, who I loved, what I loved, who I was, what I was doing, how I was doing, where I was going and who I wanted to be when I got each and every one of my tattoos.

I don’t regret any of them, even the stupid ass thread, needle and art class misappropriated India ink one.

Even though mine is the only one who got to keep that one because I picked blue, everyone else’s went away within a couple damn weeks….

Even though it may have started on my chest and ended up migrating Southeast without the proper permissions later….

Meh, I digress.

Regardless, these are the rules for getting a tattoo with an other, be it friend, lover, spouse, whatever…

You have to get something meaningful that doesn’t involve names or dates.

They can’t match exactly.

And they have to conceptually ‘make something together, but be complete alone.’

And you have to have an artist that listens and knows what you want, works with it and doesn’t make you feel like a tool.

A fabulous artist like Chris Graham at Altered Reality.

Yay!

I can’t wait to get my next huge piece on my back, connecting 3 other tattoos….

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How to work out successfully with your other:

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How to work out successfully with your other:

I have finally figured it out.

The secret.

The deal.

The shizzle.

The cat in the bag is coming out….

If you are like me (and not like Cameron Diaz and her freaky sports boyfriends)then y0u will commiserate and get something out of this blog. If not, you are a weird gym rat freak who enjoys sadistic competition and sweating.

I digress.

For years I have been unable to successfully work out with my other because A) they coach B) they piss me off C) I don’t like working out and they do.

The solution?

Go at 5:30 am.

Do not speak on drive to gym, upon entering the gym, or before you get on the machines.

Speaking of machines, work on separate machines in different areas with ear buds in your ears.

THEN talk on the way home.

That is all.

Tell your friends.

Oscars! Oscars! Oscars!

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Oscars! Oscars! Oscars!

My Predictions:

Even though Rickey hasn’t even called me, harumph.

Best Picture

“The Help” Brunson Green, Chris Columbus and Michael Barnathan, Producers

Actor in a Leading Role

Jean Dujardin in “The Artist”

Actor in a Supporting Role

Christopher Plummer in “Beginners”

Actress in a Leading Role

Michelle Williams in “My Week with Marilyn”

Actress in a Supporting Role

Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids”

Animated Feature Film

“Puss in Boots” Chris Miller

Art Direction

“The Artist” Production Design: Laurence Bennett; Set Decoration: Robert Gould

Cinematography

“War Horse” Janusz Kaminski

Costume Design

“Anonymous” Lisy Christl

Directing

“Hugo” Martin Scorsese

Documentary (Feature)

“Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs

Documentary (Short Subject)

“God Is the Bigger Elvis” Rebecca Cammisa and Julie Anderson

Film Editing

“The Artist” Anne-Sophie Bion and Michel Hazanavicius

Foreign Language Film

“In Darkness” Poland

Makeup

“Albert Nobbs” Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle

Music (Original Score)

“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” Alberto Iglesias

Music (Original Song)

“Man or Muppet” from “The Muppets” Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie

Short Film (Animated)

“La Luna” Enrico Casarosa

Short Film (Live Action)

“Time Freak” Andrew Bowler and Gigi Causey

Sound Editing

“War Horse” Richard Hymns and Gary Rydstrom

Sound Mixing

“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce and Bo Persson

Visual Effects

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler and John Richardson

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

“The Descendants” Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash

Writing (Original Screenplay)

“A Separation” Written by Asghar Farhadi

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Here is the best little thing I’ve found from across the pond since Lily Allen, George Michael, Boy George and Kinky Boots.

The Magnificent Something

I decided to take the bus today. I had time to kill, a book to read, and a headache creeping up, the reminder of that third glass of wine from yesterday.
The sky was a darker shade of grey when I looked up, and I was near Kings Cross. I checked the time on the screen of my phone, took a deep inhale, and pressed the stop button.
I got off and made my way across the street and into the British Library. I went to the ground floor cafe, queued for a lemon and poppyseed cake, took my latte in a paper cup, and found a table in the corner. I sat in the admittedly uncomfortable chair and turned my phone off.
About two hours later, when my cup was almost empty and my plate licked clean, I decided it was time for a walk. I gulped…

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Burlesque Freakshow

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Went to a pretty magical Burlesque last night.

Acrobatics, cellos, crossdressers, traditional tattooed ladies with stripteases, bearded women, little people, bears, etc.

Scariest and most attractive bellydancer ever.

Magic.

Till the end.

Then they started soliciting for people to staple money to the little person.

“When ever in your life will you again have the chance to staple 20s to a DWARF!”

WTF

seriously?

Did they see this on Jackass or some bullshit? It can’t be real.

I only watched for a few minutes, thinking there must be a catch or a trick to it. Plus I was waiting for the raffle.

Nope. It was real. Somehow, they decided wiping down the bills with alcohol swabs made it sanitary. Even though there was blood on the stapler. His back, side, head, everywhere that they stapled him. i do not even want to go into the Blood-borne Pathogens talk. 10 dollars, he picks where you staple it; for 20, you pick. Anything but face and genitals. Wow. So sad. I am sure this is only the beginning of the kind of depraved things marginalized people in freak shows did 100 years ago. But this is now. Are we really this fucked up?

My date left, disgusted.

I felt guilty for staying.

But an observation: the only ones that actually wanted to staple him, were 25-35 year old drunk white guys.

He got more money though, from women of all ages that patted him and apologized, as they put money in his g-string.

I won the $100 tattoo gift certificate.

But I think it cost me more from my soul to stay for the drawing.

😦

 

I think I saw my very first IRL “Nihilists”!

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I think I saw my very first IRL “Nihilists”!

Riding the train home Wednesday, I was intrigued to see a couple board together, in total synchronicity. They were dressed exactly alike, black skinny jeans, black jackets, black boots, black socks, black shirt, black hoody under jackets, black glasses, black beanies. She had black curls, he had red. Their bags were black, too. Had I not been able to sense the apathy and anomie dripping from them, I probably should have been more nervous staring at them inconspicuously.

They moved in total togetherness, as though they shared a central nervous system, neither of them ever having an affect beyond FLAT. They crossed their legs together, moved their hands together. They both immediately sat straight backed with their eyes closed for most of the 45 minute ride. when they did open their eyes it was only to stare at the ceiling. It was quiet mesmerizing. Even their breath was matched. It was like they were Terminators or from the Matrix or Blade Runner, I even called out “Trin?” once just to see….

Hm. The male, he picked his bag up off the floor at the same time she did. They moved over one spot when someone got off the train. when he picked up his bag I noticed it said something in an odd font, that reminded me of a fairytale land drawn by a tweeker. I stared at it trying to figure it out for a long time, then finally…I could resist no longer. I asked. they both turned their heads to look at me, it was f**king creepy. He replied “Urfaust, it’s German.”

Uh, ok. His voice immediately made me think of the Dude. Pissy carpets. The white russians and the Nihilists. I laughed out loud and she looked as though she was trying to kill my soul with her eyes.

I got home and googled “Urfaust.” It’s dark ass death metal German industrial weird satanic black Danzig shite. My son would love it.

And then I felt satisfied.

I had seen my first Nihilists.

Sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus bless Portland. Only here, only here.

And maybe LA.

And Germany. 🙂

 

Playing with the devil aka “Bibliomancy”

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Playing with the devil aka “Bibliomancy”

From the Bhagavad Gita:

If they depart in the flame, the light, the day, the bright weeks of the moon and the months of increasing light of the sun, those who know Brahman go unto Brahman.

But if they depart in the smoke, the night, the dark weeks of the moon and the months of decreasing days of the sun, they enter the lunar light and return to the world of death.

These are the two paths that are for ever’, the path of light and the path of darkness. The one leads to the land of never-returning: the other returns to sorrow.

Haha, I love finding relevance within literature and religious texts that I can tie to Led Zepplin songs. I chose this book today because of the best dream analysis I received yesterday. What this could mean to me, I haven’t yet divined. But it gives me a good reason to give you this:

The two paths

And remind you of Tolkien when you listen to this Badassness.

I still think that Robert Plant was, perhaps still IS the epitome of sensuality. RAWR.

Dream interpretation 101

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Dream interpretation 101

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up and ask yourself WTF, that meant something, what am I missing? A onetime friend used to refer to them as “cosmic 2x4s,” the things that the Universe uses to smack you upside your head and get you to pay attention.

Typically, I find them easy to self analyse, for example: I once dreamnt that I was shopping for onion which I knew made me cry so hard and I was afraid of cutting them, but I had to go through all sorts of trouble to go to this one store to buy this one onion that they hid in the store because it was shaped square and I could cut it easily, quickly and without looking. It was a mindless act that I had to complete because my family needed that onion for supper.

Suffice it to say, my ex-husband was represented by the onion.

Anywhoo….

Did I digress? A little.

The dream I had which I need your help dissecting is as follows:

I’m walking through somewhere I have never been, enjoying it until I start getting angry because this woman keeps walking in front of me and I can’t get around her. I finally yell and push past her, behaving very badly, flipping her off and calling her everything but a woman. Then I feel embarrassed suddenly and turn down a road I did not intend to go down, and walk into some sort of marketplace that appears to be like an indoor flea market or bazaar…It seems familiar, or at least the items being sold there do.

In between all of these different booths and set ups and tables are randomly placed merry-go-rounds, slides, gates, nets, stairs, things meant for playing AND obstacles as well. I am attracted to one store in particular that has a pentagram above it, which I am not wiccan in the ‘wiccan religion” sense, but I usually subscribe to many things found in a store that would be described as such…just to give you some context for interpretation…So I make my way over there, deciding I should find some crystals or a book I want. Getting there is difficult to say the least. The damned woman is back, standing in my way. I don’t want to make a scene in the marketplace as I notice I am the only person who does not look middle-eastern and I am dressed in a way that would not be ok in the middle east traditionally if I am noticed (how I avoided being noticed I have no idea). So I take a deep breath and decided to backtrack and go AROUND the woman in a big circle.

As I am doing this, I cross caution tape, end up in a room that has beds and NUMEROUS sleeping babies…I assume that this is where the vender’s children are sleeping. But in that same room is a huge tree that has one very alive red rooster roosting in the branches looking at me. His beady eyes make me very uncomfortable so I go up 2 stairs to find a huge beautiful cherry table with 5 chairs around it and for some reason I look under it. There is a rug with a depression under it and I know that if I was to stand on it, I would fall through.

I then go around and rip through this netting that is separating that room from some concrete seats that are set up like a roman amphitheatre. I sit down and quietly wait for something to begin, like I knew I was coming to this place for a reason.

This is where I woke up.

Go to work peoples.

Chop, Chop.