Category Archives: Gifts

Merge

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Merge

 

 

 

 

 

When we come together,

it’s hard to tell who’s skin is who’s.

Are you entering me?

Am I covering you?

No matter, we merge.

No blending required.

 

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Gratitudinis

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Gratitudinis

I have apparently been not counting my blessings recently and being a little bitch. So I figure I need to put them somewhere so that whatever powers that be can stop punching me in the ovaries.

Rather than feeling sorry for myself re: my effing car sitting on the side of the road with some sort of electrical malady, I must thank and appreciate that I have such amazing friends that they would leave a Father’s Day dinner with their parents who came from San Fran, just to help me out.

Rather than freaking out about the nonrefundable plans I have this weekend and my potential inability to follow through on them because of said mechanical maladies; I must thank and appreciate that those same friends have offered me their extra car to make it happen for no other reason than it is important to me: no questions asked.

Rather than become a hysterical and stereotypical female because I start work tomorrow and my car needs some acupuncture; I must thank and appreciate the fact that my awesome neighbor friend is letting me use their extra car to get to work.

Couple this with the following facts:

  • I didn’t get creamed by a Peterbilt on the side of the road,
  • I have a job,
  • I just got my masters,
  • my health rocks,
  • my kids health rocks,
  • my friends and family came and hung with me for a few days from 120-753 miles away,
  • As if that wasn’t proof enough, they all proved they still love me despite my obvious social ineptitudes at hosting >5 people at a time,
  • Ergo, they kept me liquored up and fed….while leaving the remaining spirits at my house,
  • All of my bills are paid and I have a wee bit of money left over…if this car shit was going to happen, better now than 2 weeks ago,
  • I no longer have the responsibility of an animal I never wanted,
  • I have a nice home and I can afford it,
  • I still have the ability to find humor and hope in my otherwise ovary punching life,
  • I have friends that have secret skills I didn’t know about like being hobby mechanics and owning diagnostic code scanners,
  • Many of my friends own more than one car and trust me enough they allow me to borrow one,
  • I own a car that has never stranded me until today in over 8 years including when I almost totaled it…It still drove away and ran for over a year while I saved up my deductible,
  • I missed my redneck friends and realized I have new ones ;),
  • My car wasn’t injured whilst being towed,
  • I don’t have any problems that aren’t fat white american first world problems,
  • I have pretty fucking amazing friends and family,
  • I officially feel like I have a social support system in this town.

Woo-fucking-saw.

It will be ok.

In fact, everything is already ok.

It’s pretty fucking awesome right now.

DSABASMJ….

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DSABASMJ….

Dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey, Jebus:

I am about to go to my interview for a job that could potentially lead me straight into a potential future I like, so I humbly ask:

  • Please don’t let me sound like an idiot or a fraud.
  • Please give me the magical Goddess inspired words to wow them.
  • Please let my interviewers be part of the 50% who sees yellow as cheerful, not the 50% who are made anxious by it.
  • Please let me get the right job if it is not this one, very quickly, in time to pay my stuff next month.

Humina-Humina, monkey dust, catholic mumbo jumbo, hoodoo voodoo, sacrificial animal of your choice, genuflection, crosses and rituals, dancing on one foot, spinning around, holding snakes, talking in tongues, holy water, smudge smoke, mecca lecca hi mecca hiney ho, and all that other sh*t.

Amen.

XOXO

Jani

Here we go!

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Here we go!

Today is the first day of my last year of formal education and the beginning my final magical graduate school internship, at a place I would have never thought I would intern. Frankly, I chose it because the thought of what it entails makes me nauseous, not because it’s a terrible job, but because it involves a lot of leadership and public speaking. THAT terrifies me.

But I embrace the fear.

After all, FEAR puts you outside your comfort zone into a twilight area in which true growth and evolution can begin.

No sleepwalking allowed.

GULP.

Can I have this dance? Yeah. You. Over there….

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Can I have this dance? Yeah. You. Over there….

This song makes me want to waltz.

It’s tre’ magnifique.

“…just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?”

XoXo

Jason Mraz is magic.

Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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 So without boring you with all the sordid, scandalous details, my dear sweet hubby has been a real schmuck lately. For at least the last month or so. Maybe since Christmas even 🙂 Valentine’s wasn’t the best, my birthday had its moments. He did however buy me a bazillion dollars worth of couture shoes and a fancy dress off of my “never gonna get any of this stuff” wish list, so he got SOME brownie points; last night however, got him off the hook for quite a while.

This is how my evening went:

I was at school all evening and received a text stating I needed to call him when I got to my park and ride location and not to ask questions. So I did that. I got home and once in my driveway noticed a note in a ziplock bag hanging on the garage door (to keep it dry of course, it rains here all the blessed time).

I called to let him know I was here to which he replied, “Stay in your car, I will call you when you can come in.” I asked if I should get the note or not and he said “NO stay in your car and I will call you when you can get it…”

I can follow instructions so I did that…

He called and advised me I could come in. I got the note:

So I did as it said, came in, to see our house immaculate, lit with no less than 20 deliciously scented candles and fragrant star-gazer lilies; my husband was standing near the dining room table dressed to the nines gesturing me up the stairs and Stevie Nicks “Belladonna” was playing on the record player.

I went upstairs to find my magical new dress, shoes, another note (that you will not be seeing ;)) and my bedroom alit with candles, lavender and fancy stones spread about.

I wondered where the dog and kids were, but only for a moment; I came to learn (the Girl Child had to zip my dress) that they were all in on it, the Boy Child had the dog in quarantine, the Girl Child was pretending to be asleep.

I went downstairs and danced with my husband in my fancy shoes.

We ate a most delicious Italian tiramisu/trifle like dish he prepared all by himself from scratch that was layered with chocolate cake, pudding, whip cream, kahlua and toffee with hand shaved chocolate curls…

Paired with the most expensive, delicious, well researched Port I have ever had the pleasure of putting on my tongue:

Then we played a game of cribbage all dressed to the nines, drinking wine by candle light. I won. (It may not sound romantic, but it’s how we roll)

Then he switched the record to:

Side 2 😉

Things got a little hotter. And I opted for my spa/massage treatment. The rest of the night is mine, you voyeuristic freaks.

But I can say with all certainty, the massage had a happy ending.

SO. Here’s the moral of the story, Significant Others…

If you are gonna be a schmuck and try to make up for it with expensive trinkets, you better arrange a time for them to be worn or used and pair it with wine and flowers and music and dancing and food and candles and massage and letting the other person win. Romance helps more than the stuff. Just sayin.

Good luck, Schmucks.

Good job, Husband. You get to stick around for a while longer 🙂

@BitchinKitchen ‘s Nadia G isn’t the only one that can cook in heels!

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@BitchinKitchen ‘s Nadia G isn’t the only one that can cook in heels!

So I got my first pair of couture shoes ever for my birthday (off of my magical “I ain’t never gonna get none of this shit list”…Good job Husband) and they were expensive. I, being me, don’t have many places to wear a pair of shoes that comes with 3 fancy bags, one for each shoe and one for both bagged shoes AND a box to put the final bag in. So I decided I am gonna wear these bitches whenever I can. Folding laundry. Cooking breakfast. You know. Whenever. 

(Plus, I really like cooking and being 5 inches taller, no more kitchen stool for me!)

The hardest part about it was taking pictures of them. Well, that and seeing that I really need to sweep my floor according to these pictures. Eh, I digress.

So in honor of being inspired by Nadia G and having recently watched “V for Vendetta” I made this:

Wearing these:

That makes me a magical superhero. And one hot cherry popping Mama.

Top Five Reasons my husband loves me (based upon yesterday only)

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Top Five Reasons my husband loves me (based upon yesterday only)

I am going to brag about myself for a minute. Bare with me. I need it.

  1. I took control of the entire planning of yesterday’s festivities and paid.
  2. I took him to eat here: Blitz Pearl
  3. Then we went and wandered here: Powell’s
  4. Then we went drinking and playing here (Utopia of PINBALL): Ground Kontrol
  5. Then I kicked his ASS at shuffleboard here: Dublin Down

That is all. Be jealous geeks.

 

Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!

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Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!

Soooo since you guys didn’t come through on Christmas, the blessed day of allegedly sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus birth, perhaps you can come through on mine 😉

Here is all I want:

Remember, dress size 14, inseam 31, shoe size 8. Muah

Cherries!

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/cherry-swimsuit-retro-one-piece-plus.html

More Cherries!

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/black-cherry-cutiepie-pumps-from-pinup-couture-shoes.html

peekaboo!

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/dixiefried-niagara-dress-black-plus.html

Blue shoes!

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/smitten-two-tone-pump-in-matte-blue-from-pinup-couture-shoes.html

Or you could always go practical of course and buy me this:

I can make my own then:

http://www.target.com/p/Brother-Deluxe-Electronic-Sewing-Machine-CS6000i/-/A-10909301?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=Froogle_df&LNM=%7C10909301&CPNG=appliances&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=10909301

I’m also open to tattoo gift cards from the following shops/artists:

http://www.alteredrealitytattoo.com/ (Chris Graham)

http://www.hopelessink.com/ (Zak Anderson only)

http://ryanmasontattoos.com/ (Ryan Mason)

Thanks in advance, stalkers!

 

Sun? NO!

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Really?

I would love to write something totally deep and inspiring but all I got today is that things are going ok, hell the sun is even shining here in the Pacific NW, what else could I ask for? It’s a good day.

I got Amy Winehouse vinyl playing in the living room, I am able to dance and fold laundry. It’s a good day.

I have coffee and cinnabun creamer. It’s a good day.

I’m gonna make blueberry pancakes for me and my man here real soon, once he gets back from his magical job interview that is going to allow us to be capitalist swine! YAY lol. It’s a good day.

That last bit sounded like I am from southern Missouri. eek.

I digress. It’s a good day.