@BitchinKitchen Supperclub Slutty Spaghetti

I figured it had been a while since I had done a cooking post so I figured with everyone’s concern being elsewhere *ahem, Ravens winning the Superbowl, ahem* it was a good time. Plus, I felt like going outside my comfort zone and eating something I hadn’t eaten since I was 14….ANCHOVIES!

In case you didn’t know this about me, I hate fish…unless its raw and/or tuna. Go figure. So this was a reaaaaaaalllll stretch for me.

I love Nadia G. She is my future 3rd ex-wife. No worries, we stay friends. This is her recipe. I changed a couple things by adding a whole diced shallot, less olives, leaving the tomatoes whole while cooking and using wheat spaghetti ..OH! I also added everything before the tomatoes plus threw on some grated parmesan reggiano….other than that I did exactly as I was instructed 🙂

It’s delicious. And the name? “Spaghetti a la Puttanesca” literally translates as spaghetti as cooked by a whore. YESSSSSS! I love it.  There is a whole back story to this traditional dish, but I will make you find her telling it. It is described in two different episodes. Google is your friend, my friend.

Here is the recipe as described by her here:

INGREDIENTS

• 1 pound spaghetti
• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• Pinch hot chile flakes
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 6 anchovy fillets, roughly mashed with a fork
• 2 cups ripe cherry tomatoes, halved
• 15 kalamata olives, pitted and coarsely chopped
• 1 heaping tablespoon capers, coarsely chopped
• Large pinch brown sugar
• Pinch sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Cook spaghetti in boiling salted water until it is slightly undercooked, about 1 minute away from being al dente, strain. Heat the olive oil in a large pan on medium heat. Add chile flakes and garlic, saute for 2 minutes, until garlic is fragrant and golden. Add the mashed anchovies and saute for 30 seconds. Then add the cherry tomatoes and saute for an additional 8 to 10 minutes, until the tomatoes begin to create a light sauce. Once the tomatoes have sauced up, mix the olives, capers, brown sugar, sea salt, and freshly ground black pepper into the sauce. Add the cooked spaghetti to the pan, reduce the heat to medium-low and use tongs to stir until the pasta absorbs the sauce, about 3 minutes.

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You’re welcome. 😉

All I want for Christmas is…….

You to buy me the following things:

……….

That’s how my blog for this day had been planned to start off this morning.

While I showered this morning I was trying to come up with something either clever or poignant to blog about. I came up with something totally cute, witty and materialistic.

Then I got out of the shower to news of another mass shooting. I have no real words. I could go on about gun control or gender roles or mental health safety net deficiencies or developmental stages and testosterone and all sorts of things. But really, none of that matters.

I feel sadness for all the families involved in all the tragedies the last few months.

From Aurora to Clackamas to Newtown to China to the Gaza strip to Afghanistan and people killed by our drones and all our soldiers and everything else.

But I cannot dwell on it.

I cannot dwell on the personal issues I am facing.

I must take joy in things like getting a coveted spot at a nonprofit that I care about.

Like the delicious kisses from a little puppy.

Like the sheer brilliance in my daughter’s smile when she gets a new haircut.

Like the intense flashes of passion my son shows when describing something he cares about.

Like being able to write these things on my computer.

So maybe I will dream a bit and share my silly list.

It is tradition, after all.

Jani’s List for Santa:

1. A box of blue non-latex gloves, medium. I dye a lot of hair and my box is almost gone. One of those silly things I cannot rationalize buying…
2. This Nora Roberts book: The Perfect Hope (don’t judge me! Its the final book in a trilogy!)
3. The book my future first ex-wife wrote: Oh Nadia….
4. This album….It is seriously the only one by her I have ever wanted…I don’t know why I need it…there are a few songs that just well…Don’t judge me. I am already judging me.
5. These fabulous shoes: Not that I have anywhere to wear them.
6. ANYTHING unicorn. I have decided to restart my collection…You could start with this calendar.
7. This amazing pan! I am a mad cook and I need a nice pan!
8. I would also like to replenish my stock in this lovely oil.
9. This delicious dress, size 14 please.
10. Anything from this line, but I am almost out of this…my unicorn placenta cream….
11. Delicious stinkpretty juice.
12. This pattern and this fabric! (hahaha got two out of number twelve!)
13. A new blender for margaritas, er healthy smoothies.
14. LOTS of bottles of this wine. I prefer red usually but white is nice too.
15. An address book. Any address book. Mine is 17 years old and has names I want to forget and no room for new addresses! My BFF Lisa has 13 addresses in it! Are you kidding? I have white out on white out on different colored markers!

So yes. Come on fans! Get me presents! I’ll give you a PO Box if you want to send them 😉

Merry ChriskwanzahanaksolsticeFESTIVUS!

Remember the words of Anne Frank….

“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

Corn and Margherita Pizza, WHAAAAAAT?

I occassionally have cravings. And these last couple days I been craving corn and homemade pizza…..so I made margherita pizza and grilled some corn, simple wrapped in foil and doused in Old Bay seasoning.

The pizza is so pretty!

1. I cheated and bought a store crust, I like the Rustic brand;
2. I brushed it with white truffle oil;
3. Threw on some spicy marinara;
4. Some freshly squeezed and sliced mozzarella straight out of their watery home;
5. Lovingly placed some sundried tomato halves on top;
6. Chiffonaded some fresh basil with my magic scissors (ok so its not really chiffonaded);
7. Microplaned some delicious parmigiana;
8. Then put that bad boy in the oven at 425, for about 14 minutes.

Gorgeous.

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Be jealous bitches.

I missed Tuesday-boozeday, but here’s to HUMP DAY!

I have this thing about me, when it comes to alcohol I am pretty simple. I do not like girly frou frou drinks or anything sweet. Typically, I am good with shots. Preferably, whiskey. Tequila, if I am feeling froggy and wanna make an arrogant man feel emasculated by my tequila drinking skills versus his….But that is my own personality flaw…And another reason I am pretty sure this is my first life as a female….I admit it, I often have penis envy…or atleast I am envious of the doors that penises? peni? can open…

I digress.

Point being….When it comes to mixed drinks, rum and coke is as fruity as I get. And don’t put a freaking lime on it, I didn’t order a cuba libre. GAWD

Another thing about my drinking habits, should I say I have a drinking habit? Hmm…My drinking preferences?

Beer makes me sleepy. But if I have to drink it, I better not be able to see through it.

Wine must be red.

And I typically find something I drink for a while and nothing else, until I switch.

Lately, because I was trying to get a drink that wouldn’t make me feel tooo terrible about the empty calories the Cellar Bar at the Ringler’s Annex, one of McMenamin’s magical places, introduced me to this drink. BUT i Janified it 🙂

It breaks all my rules.

It’s sweet.

It’s fruity.

It has a freaking cherry.

It has soda in it.

It has ice.

It comes in a glass that is bigger than this:

Regardless, here is my recipe:

Buvez et obtenez un bon bu!

Janified Amaretto Sour:

First get an array of delicious citrus:

I like to use 2 oranges, 2 tangerines, 4 lemons and 2 limes.

Either use a simple juicer or get all hard core like me and peel your citrus:

Then throw them in your magical centrifugal juicer:

Then you end up with this kind of deliciousness that will separate, make sure you give a good stir before you pour:

Then you wanna give a spoonful of maraschino cherry juice over your ice:

Then fill your glass 1/3 full with Amaretto of your choosing:

Then 1/3 more with your fresh delicious nutritious guilt free citrus juice:

Then top off slowly with some 7up or whatever lemon-lime soda ya got. (this mixture produces a fantastic foam like a root beer float….”It is so good” like Martha Stewart freaking good.)

Top off with a few cherries.

*The more you drink the more cherries you will want. They become a sport to spear in the bottom of your glass 😉

Stir slowly before drinking.

Enjoy!

xoxo

@BitchinKitchen Bacon Chocolate Supper Club Challenge

Dude.

Bacon.

Chocolate.

Nothing else left to say.

Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients
6 slices maple cured bacon, minced
2 cups milk chocolate, roughly chopped
1/2 cup crisped rice
Fleur de Sel

Recipe tools
Small pan
Double boiler
Silicone mold

Directions
Making the bacon: Heat pan on medium. Add bacon and render until crisp. Set on paper towel and remove excess grease.

Making the chocolate: Melt chocolate in a double boiler over medium heat. Take off heat when chocolate is 80% melted, continue stirring until fully melted. Add bacon to melted chocolate. Delicately fold in crisped rice. Poor mixture into silicone molds, cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes

Yield: approximately 24
Prep Time: 5 minutes + 30 minutes cooling time
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Ease of Preparation: easy

C/O http://www.bitchinlifestyle.tv/bitchin-supperclub/item/1104-bacon-chocolate

Here’s the pictures:

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Here is my opinion:

“Bark” is easier than molds after the cocktails. Yes, ma’am.

This stuff is too good. Devil good. Sin good. Soul for sale good.

Damn you Canadians and your evil uses for bacon-GOOD!

First, the candied bacon; now this.

Merde, ceci est délicieux.

I went without the heels this time, @BitchinKitchen….

So I am really getting into this whole supperclub challenge deal. I’m kinda crushin on Nadia G these days…plus no man would have ever got me to cook in heels….

Anyhoo….This week was Creamy Gorgonzola and Portobello Risotto.

The recipe is as follows:

INGREDIENTS

• 3 cups organic chicken stock
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 4 Portobello mushrooms, diced
• 1 yellow onion, minced
• Sea salt
• 2 cups Arborio rice
• 3/4 cup good white wine
• 1/2 cup crumbled gorgonzola
• 1/3 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
• Freshly cracked pepper

DIRECTIONS

Bring the chicken stock to a bare simmer in a saucepan.Meanwhile, heat the butter and olive oil in a medium pot over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until golden, 1 minute. Add the mushrooms, onions and 1 teaspoon sea salt and saute for 8 minutes. Stir in the rice and cook for 2 minutes. Deglaze with the wine and cook until the wine has reduced completely. Ladle in the simmering broth, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly until the rice absorbs all the broth before adding more. Repeat until all the broth has been added and the rice is al dente, about 20 minutes. Stir in the cheeses and a pinch of sea salt and pepper.Spoon the risotto into bowls and enjoy.

Recipe is from: Cookin’ For Trouble by Nadia G., copyright (c) 2011. Published by Ballantine Books.

But I, being me, had to change it up a bit…

For starters, I had to use vegetable broth as the boy child is allergic to poultry, I cut back on the salt because I find Gorgonzola ridiculously salty and I added extra garlic just cause, I am partial to it…also, I added more broth to compensate for the fact that I felt compelled to add some asparagus because the dish looked a little flat and neutral….

I dig the bright green happy little spear trees…(I’m having a Bob Ross moment….won’t you share it with me? all the happy little asparagus spear trees……)

Whoa. Ok back to cooking….The recipe also gave me a good excuse to buy some Cupcake Wine (from Livermore, Ca, where my bestie lives) besides what I have on the rack, cause I don’t stock white wine 🙂

Here’s what it looked like with a few little Jani tweeks:

 

I’m kinda a big deal. Yeah.

Check me and my bad self out.

http://ht.ly/9b528

That’s right. Demi-celebrity.

Bask in my birthday glow.

My next Ménage à trois, will be with chocolate and lemon.

I like challenges. I like assignments. I was given one of each this morning and took them on like a champ. I’m still learning how to use this slideshow feature, so it may seem overwhelmed. I don’t know….I may never use it again:) Either way, look at the pics in reverse. It will make more sense HAHA

To win a follow on Twitter, I made this delicious meal for my family:

Fettuccine with Salsiccia and Brisket Sauce

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To satisfy a sweet tooth and use up some lemons from the Master Cleanse fiasco, the Girl Child and I made this:

Homemade Delicious Devil’s Food Cake with Lemon Curd…..

It was a delicious birthday festivus meal and I got to open a new bottle of wine! SCORE

@BitchinKitchen ‘s Nadia G isn’t the only one that can cook in heels!

So I got my first pair of couture shoes ever for my birthday (off of my magical “I ain’t never gonna get none of this shit list”…Good job Husband) and they were expensive. I, being me, don’t have many places to wear a pair of shoes that comes with 3 fancy bags, one for each shoe and one for both bagged shoes AND a box to put the final bag in. So I decided I am gonna wear these bitches whenever I can. Folding laundry. Cooking breakfast. You know. Whenever. 

(Plus, I really like cooking and being 5 inches taller, no more kitchen stool for me!)

The hardest part about it was taking pictures of them. Well, that and seeing that I really need to sweep my floor according to these pictures. Eh, I digress.

So in honor of being inspired by Nadia G and having recently watched “V for Vendetta” I made this:

Wearing these:

That makes me a magical superhero. And one hot cherry popping Mama.

Hypocrisy becomes me….

So I have a new friend coming over for the Superbowl and they like white wine. I will drink white wine if I have some asian pears, if it’s really hot outside or I can mix it with juice; overall however, I am a red wine girl (well, actually I am a whiskey girl, but sometimes I like to put on airs and pretend to be high-class….) and know nothing about white wine besides you serve it cold and in a narrower glass. (Thank you bartending college….)

Also for said new friend, I get to have a pretendish dinner party. It’s going to be me, husband, new friend and maybe the girl child. But its going to be lowkey…I’m only making a couple of fancy dishes….the Camembert Poutine (sweet potato fries rather than gnocchi, I ain’t got time for that shite) ala Nadia G, and my peach balsamic baked brie….BUT we are also having the lil’smokies in bbq and chips and dips and all that crazy manjazz. hahah, that looks bad. “manjazz”

Damn it, I digressed.

Back to wine.

Anyway, I texted said new friend and asked about years (vintages?) brands and varieties…not being a white wine wino, I know Pinot Grigio, Riesling, Moscato and Chardonnay, but I know there are more and I know nothing about the differences. New friend finally texted back, but I had already purchased my wine.

You know how I picked?

The bottles.

There are pinups on them and that matches my house’s motif.

Can I be a misogynist and a woman? Damn it. I do like me a hot cheesecake pinup. *giggle* It’s a mini-obsession.

OH! So yeah, therein lies the hypocrisy. I make fun of people for picking teams because of the QB’s looks, but then here I am picking wines because of the scantily dressed women on the bottles. Judging a book by its cover….

But come on! At least it’s local winery! See:

http://kestrelwines.com/our_wines/collector_series_wines.html

I’m supporting local industry! Does that give me some credit? No?

Oh well. The bottles match by Pinup Porter beer collection 🙂

@BitchinKitchen convinced me to delve into tofu desserts….

So I am slightly obsessed with Nadia G.  I mean not like stalkeresque (you know her address? Just kidding…kinda) but I really really look forward to her episodes, her makeup, her shoes, cooking and perspective. Plus, she’s pretty hot in a cheesecake pinup way, is funny and smart as hell….

I digress.

The point of today’s installment is to tell you that I made her vegan Caramelized Banana and chocolate pie and it was effing delicious. Even my kids who HATE tofu no matter how I cook it ate the shykeys out of it. I am including the link (so you can see how hot she is) with the recipe, my oops learn from my mistake, and a final picture:

Link: http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/nadia-g/dark-chocolate-and-caramelized-banana-pie-recipe/index.html

My oops: It is supposed to take 4 hours and 10 minutes. I sped this up by turning up the oven to 350 degrees to caramelize the bananas and putting the crust in the freezer to chill. The only problem with the faster cook time on the bananas is that the raw sugar melted off and it ended up being caramel with bananas in it…. Not as pretty but just as delicious. If you want pretty, no short cuts.

See how lovely it is? And deliciously not that bad for you.