Tag Archives: Master cleanse

My next Ménage à trois, will be with chocolate and lemon.

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My next Ménage à trois, will be with chocolate and lemon.

I like challenges. I like assignments. I was given one of each this morning and took them on like a champ. I’m still learning how to use this slideshow feature, so it may seem overwhelmed. I don’t know….I may never use it again:) Either way, look at the pics in reverse. It will make more sense HAHA

To win a follow on Twitter, I made this delicious meal for my family:

Fettuccine with Salsiccia and Brisket Sauce

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To satisfy a sweet tooth and use up some lemons from the Master Cleanse fiasco, the Girl Child and I made this:

Homemade Delicious Devil’s Food Cake with Lemon Curd…..

It was a delicious birthday festivus meal and I got to open a new bottle of wine! SCORE

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I’m officially “Batshit Crazy.” Thanks DSM-IV.

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So in my studies I get to take a magical DSM-IV class (Mental Health Perspectives …for ethical practice) in order to be a conscientious and ethical service provider. It’s also helpful to learn how to use the damn diagnostic manual. I get it. What I don’t get and what isn’t in the syllabus is that this class is going to turn everyone (OR JUST ME…is that paranoia? Delusions of grandeur? Narcissim? AGGGHHHHH) into raging hypochondriacs, which is defined as:

The DSM-IV defines hypochondriasis according to the following criteria:

A. Preoccupation with fears of having, or the idea that one has, a serious disease based on the person’s misinterpretation of bodily symptoms.
B. The preoccupation persists despite appropriate medical evaluation and reassurance.
C. The belief in Criterion A is not of delusional intensity (as in Delusional Disorder, Somatic Type) and is not restricted to a circumscribed concern about appearance (as in Body Dysmorphic Disorder).
D. The preoccupation causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
E. The duration of the disturbance is at least 6 months.
F. The preoccupation is not better accounted for by Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, a Major Depressive Episode, Separation Anxiety, or another Somatoform Disorder.

So I guess as long as my class doesn’t last 6 months, I should be ok. PHEW. Bullet dodged. (bad choice of words?)

But seriously. In order to combat said um, symptoms? I am balancing my education with the following books to convince myself that I am not crazy or that I can at least educate myself healthy, like other doctors (albeit I may believe that this is magical thinking….hmmm….see page….hmmm borderline or schizotypal….

I digress.

Where was I? Oh yes. Books to combat thinking I am crazy:

Antidsmiv

About a doc

Pink Floyd?

My sister’s favorite

Enjoy.

If you don’t want to read, let me surmise:

85% of all ADHD drugs in the world are used in the US.

The highest paid jobs in the Drug company world are not drug developers or researchers. No sir. They are the drug BRANDERS. Yes. The people who come up with clever and inviting names. Because we Americans, we trust drugs that start with X, D, Z and C. And A, if it has to do with allergies. Yep. How cool is that?

Twice as many psychotropic drugs are prescribed to women, yet twice as many men have a psychiatric diagnosis.

Because we all know ALL women are crazy and ALL men are notorious for talking about their feelings and seeking psychiatric help. I’m sure that is the reason for the discrepancy.

“I’m by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I’ve seen it save a lot of people’s lives.”~ Zach Braff

“Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.”~ Ambrose Bierce

“But my mother’s a psychologist, my stepfather’s a psychologist, my stepmother is a therapist and my dad’s a lawyer. So it was all prominent in my life. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know someone on some form of prescription medicine.”~ Zach Braff

7.5 hours in and already pissed….

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Some people just aren’t cool enough to do the master cleanse. I am doing it, I am not happy about it but I am doing it. I could really really care less about eating, but the caffeine withdrawal headache I have right now and the heartburn which I assume is from the fresh lemon juice and cayenne I have been consuming is enough to make the Pope say “Goddamn!”

6 days till I can have coffee. Oy.

Starbucks, Folgers, international creamers, I miss thee.

Husband appears to be doing better than I. He says he is just fine. He has no heartburn, he isn’t hungry and has no headache. Well good for him. Pin a rose on his nose. La ti DA.

….

(Between you and me, he is effing GROUCHY. Harumph.)

Septic and in need of a Master Cleanse? Me too.

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First a poem.

Then a rant.

No digress.

Septic

I want my old skin back,

I’m no longer comfortable under yours.

Open sores need to breathe to heal and I know, I know,

I can’t always be the band-aid,

infections they feed this sickness between us;

It’s been allowed to fester into a boil.

I drew my sword and lanced it

now it’s become septic in unsterilized soil.

Too much attention given at the wrong stage.

An ulcer allowed to develop into pointless rage

Who knows what could have been.

Is this leper’s piece yours or mine?

A necessary quarantine and emotional quinine

A couple of courses, we should both be fine.

Master Cleanse:

Tomorrow the hubby and I are starting a “Master Cleanse.” For those of you shut-ins that are truly shut-in or haven’t subscribed to Gwyneth Paltrow’s www.goop.com, for informative and entertainment reasons here is the breakdown:

Basically, for approximately 3-30 days you starve yourself under the guise of a detox which includes laxative teas, “lemonade” made of fresh lemon juice, pure water, cayenne pepper (seriously) and real maple syrup. Occasionally, you drink some nice sea salt water too. In the meantime, your body “cleanses” itself, and is allowed to do more important things like flushing your liver and junk instead of digesting all the CRAP we non-agrarian/non-hunting lazy ass americans eat. Granted, my family doesn’t eat bad, comparatively speaking, but compared to neolithic man, we are ridiculously suicidal with our habits. So some things I have read praise sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus for the Master Cleanse. Others say it is the most horrible thing ever. Hallucinogenic in a bad way I have even read. We shall see. No coffee or caffeine? Oh my dear lord. I am pretty good at going without eating for days, which is totally healthy I know. But it’s effective…..Meh just kidding. Kinda….

I digressed. Oops.

Anyway, The goal is 10 days, I am hoping to make it to 7. I may not be able to do it and go to school which is why I am adding the caveat of 7….Husband is hoping to kick nicotine as a result of it, before everyone in our family adopts a much different eating style…MUAHAHAHH i win suckas…..:P

I shall update you as we go, and if you all don’t mind, if my posts get more crazy than normal…help a girl out. Give a heads up that I need to eat something cause I have gone bat shit crazy. Thanks *kisses*