Monthly Archives: July 2013

Bumper sticker cliché

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Bumper sticker cliché

I try very hard not to use clichés very often in my writing and when I do, I want them to be over the top and hyperbolic. However….

There is one that I saw on a bumper sticker in Manitou Springs, Colorado when I lived near there in 2001/2; It said:

“Want what you have, give what you need”

I found it profound then and still do.

I really try to stay conscious of doing this very thing as often as I can.

Now, don’t get me wrong….I am just as much of a conspicuous consumer as the next…I am after all a fat white american. I do try to be weary of it though.

If I have something that someone else needs and/or wants, and I have what I require, I will share it…even if there isn’t necessarily enough for two.

I have found that having less in the interim leads to more in the future.

I don’t know why it works that way. I only know that it does.

It’s like presents; I can hardly stand having a present for someone…It kills me! I want them to have it now! It’s like vicarious impatience…I want you to know what is in the box!

 

DVDfO5V

So, now that I have taken a lovely sentiment and tainted it for you…

Remember that you have much more than you need.

Give someone what they need with no expectations, no judgments, no requirements; it will do YOU some good and make the world better.

Energy is cyclic. Create some positivity. Do it. Do it now!

Shut up and experience.

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Shut up and experience.

Overall, I have so much to be grateful for; specifically right now.

I am telling you, this singing to the Universe is working. I should give lessons.

Yes, of course I would love more money so I wasn’t always sooo breaking even but hey! I’m fucking breaking even. I have a job, I am healthy, the people I love are healthy, the music has come back into my world, I am able to have magical experiences, and I am becoming myself again. I have had the blessing of a muse in one form or another for the last few months… and I have written more in the last 3 months than I have in years.

I might even finish this damn book: Exorcising the demons is another title for it I am considering… maybe that shall be the working title. HA

All in all, magic surrounds me.

I am staying conscious and present of not over-thinking, not questioning, not doubting… Not looking too closely and analyzing things…

“If you look too closely at the form, you miss the essence.” ~ Rumi

Just accepting what is and being okay with that while not putting myself in a position I do not want; yet not preventing myself from embracing things because I do not want to be vulnerable…

It’s a beautiful and precarious balance.

I don’t know exactly how to do it but….

Kissing helps.

xoxo

Jani

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Scales

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Scales

I am still riding high on this magical journey of intention…. I think I may have figured it out…  If you missed the post of which I am referring; basically I stated that I stopped focusing on the things that I wanted to avoid and started focusing on what I wanted instead…. I sang to the universe and it has responded in kind:

Within the last week:

I had a reiki treatment to help me let go of bitterness, remain present and open myself to opportunities….then:

I had the last man I let break my heart tell me that he never really loved me and now that he has met his “soul mate,” got clean, and yet, simultaneously medicated and found “Jesus” that he wants to be friends; and apologized for never giving me the experience he is giving her. *GAG*

Ouch. Yeah. No thanks. Kudos for doing everything you are doing right but……NO>

I also posted my yearly whoroscope….. a few weeks ago; which was insanely accurate and gave me this beauty:

“You tend to fall in love with those you need to help, educate or save in some way. In 2013, you’re adding the requirement of long-term stability to the mix. Your standards for a serious partner are more rooted in loyalty and consistency than ever before. You want staying power, which means giving up the unobtainable relationship pattern. The part of you that’s drawn to the projected ideal of a person is being replaced with a serious reality check, compliments of Saturn in Scorpio. Intimacy is now what you crave, and that requires stability, reliability and trust. Such character traits need to be shown to you in the real world from now on. No longer will you fall in love with someone’s potential. You’ve been burned too many times trying to play the role of the wounded healer, Pisces.”

Well no more.

No means no, frat boy.

As you can see, I am trying to steer clear of patterns….try something different….

THENNNNN also this week:

I reiterated my desire to have someone look at me like Lindsey looked at Stevie….

Something like this, right around 2 minutes eighteen seconds in…. she’s doing her thing and he is so fucking in love with her for that moment:

And BOOM:

Someone looked at me like that, if only for a moment.

Thoughts are things, my friends, thoughts.are.things.

The universe balances the scales if you stay out of your own way.

XOXO

Jani

And just because this is good shit…. here is some more delicious vintage Stevie….listen till the end…. this is how the song is supposed to end.

“Rulers make bad lovers….”

Lions, Lambs, and Rabbits…..

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Lions, Lambs, and Rabbits…..

Devour or be devoured, I suppose….

Appreciate and reciprocate….

I believe in Energy.

I believe that all the energy that ever was or will be is already here.

I believe it can be stolen, given, shared, transferred, manipulated and controlled.

I believe that it is cyclic.

I believe that dark isn’t always a negative and light isn’t always a positive.

I believe that you need good and bad and that both terms are relative.

I believe that people need to name it.

I believe it is, but is not conscious.

I believe everything you ever need to know can be learned from the ocean…

When the tide goes out, you can be confused about whether you are sad that it is leaving or happy that it is leaving….

But the tide, it always comes back…

And you never know what is under the water, in the tide pools, on the rocks, until the tide retreats…

The full moon sheds light on the beach, just as much as the sun does;

While treasures wash up on the beach, so does trash and dead things;

“And I threw bitter tears at the ocean but all that came back was the tide…”

I believe in love.

“”true” love is about the extending of one’s ego boundaries to include another, and about the spiritual nurturing of another, in short, love is effort.”-M. Scott Peck

“This is a gift, it comes with a price;
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight”

sympatico

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sympatico

Ruminative on synchronistic evolutions;

almost growing paranoid by each shared thought.

Such interesting revelations;

drawn by each obscure reference caught.

Reciprocality in physical and mental states;

asks us to avoid habitual over-musing.

Chemically enhanced binaural beats;

stay present, speed can make it more confusing.

Rhythms in compatible energies can be misleading;

but sometimes they are also psychogenic.

Just because something happens to come easy, 

does not allude that it can’t be authentic.

Fear isn’t the only immortal enemy;

questioning the wisdom in another chance.

Like control, it too is just an illusion; 

It is what it is, just dance.

Ten things you never knew you needed to know about me.

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Ten things you never knew you needed to know about me.
  1. I will go 2 miles out of my way driving to finish listening to something on the radio.
  2. I think the Cure sucked after Disintegration.
  3. I make up burlesque routines in my head to songs often; but I will most likely never perform one IRL.
  4. I have a stack of coloring books and crayons that I use. (What?! Canvas is expensive, yo.)
  5. I hate Chuck Taylors. They hurt my feet. Always have.
  6. When I was young, I wanted to be Tiffany. (No really. Why do you think I started dyeing my hair dark red?)
  7. I fucking rock at crosswords (even the NYT) and I think doing crosswords together is romantic. New Capt. Kirk gets it.
  8. My second favorite Pearl Jam song is “Wishlist” and my favorite line from wishlist is “I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro’s hood.”
  9. If I had nuts, I would give my left one to go to the Saints vs. Seachickens game on Dec. 2nd, 2013; alas, I have none. Sadface. (Cassie? Yevett? Megan? I am looking at YOUUUUUUUUU)
  10. When I was 16 I flunked philosophy 101 at BSU. When I was 28, I got an A+ in philosophy 101, 102 and 201. Only F I ever got. Bothered me to no ends for years. I had to go big.

 

The people in the basement…

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The people in the basement…

Here is an OLD one!

See, in my own way I was always going to be a social worker. Look at that natural social justice insight! *oy vei*

There’s an imaginary dog downstairs,

I hear it barking.

A psycho has fantasies about me,

and thinks that they’re real.

I met a child yesterday,

she had one this morning.

Just a few pieces of paper,

what’s the damn deal?

A flying or ground attack,

trample and rampage of one.

Electromagnetic motor,

fucking up my reception.

Vegetarian vampires whisper,

“I’ve fast for too long…”

Tossing memories without sequence,

back when we were spun.

I heard her cry again,

this afternoon around two;

Swearing to leave

“You rapist bastard!”

A flower grew, bloomed, and died,

all in three weeks.

There was a kitten lost,

somewhere around Jefferson and 3rd.

A pill I call Alice

and her friend Maryjane.

The guy in my dreams,

versus my own mind’s eye.

I lined them all up,

they still fought over who gets first.

Didn’t they say it’d be fair?

I must have already been high.

I hear her calling him,

back home again.

Kathy needed a friend,

so I called her a slut.

It’s always purple here,

spring, summer, and fall.

What the hell?

I hate that fucking mutt.

© 7/6/1996

Oh Intention, you clever little beast you….

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Oh Intention, you clever little beast you….

I have been trying to avoid repeating patterns…in a less than successful way for a millenia about a decade now…. and being a successful failure at it.

After a talk with a snowy mountain and some in depth and frank discussion with a lovely Libra friend and their friend; I started giving thought to the intentions I was sending out. In fixating on certain attributes I wanted to avoid, I was probably attracting them. Shits weird how it works. The secret, prayer, spells, whatever the fuck you wanna call it: worrying is like praying for something you don’t want.

So even when I changed MY patterns, physically and consciously, subconsciously….

I was still sending out my little “rescue me avalanche beacon signal….” BUT this time, I chose to ignore the first responders….

But, just like the vision board cover ups I made in order to see what I wanted to create rather than seeing what I wanted to end, I decided to do something different upon the prompting of a ghost…

In fact, I chose to reach out to someone who reminded me of me (and that is a compliment, Slug) and it looks pleasantly pleasing thus far. Who knows.

Could be fun or could just be the needle getting bumped up out the groove. Either way is good for me.

huzzah, muthatruckas.

 

A poem to a ghost 2.0: Post-ghost writing….

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A poem to a ghost 2.0: Post-ghost writing….

In loving you I have loved myself

They are one in the same

tethering myself to you through the years

Love is a strength that grounds us

I needed to see myself as you see me

You are as I see you

I have anchored myself in that which is the you I have created

Through a glass, darkly

but you need to move on

I do, but not from you.  We have always been together.  Always.

I understand that now

into the beautiful ether…

Back from the beautiful, yet terrifying, ether.  This world is my ground.

Into the rest of your own experience

Don’t be silly, things are not so serious as we make them.

Souls united as ours cannot be separated

This is truth.

in truth

but the tie that binds can be undone

Quantum Mechanics, my darling

In loving myself I can love you

You can do both

but letting you go shall be my

True love is free, and unconditional.

most loving action for you.

*Original version published March 14th, 2012

**Bold written by someone besides me.