Tag Archives: letting go

Oh me

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Oh me

I live in a huge house now…

full of closed doors;

For energy conservation,

Of course.

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Secrets of life…

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Secrets of life…

I’m spending time with a hospice client today who is telling me the secrets of life… they’ve been married two times, 20 years the first time, and 52 years the second. (!!!!)

They say the secret to life is “…to love and let them love you. It’s the only thing that lasts and the only thing you can control. Sometimes. Anger and hate fade away and you don’t remember what exactly you were sore about, but you never forget the reasons you love someone or how it felt when they loved you.”

I’m not crying. YOU’RE CRYING.

Carry on.

Like a flock of seagulls…

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Like a flock of seagulls…

I dreamt you went away;

Quite literally, you ran, in fact.

I woke to find you there yet;

Still beside me, corporally, intact.

I decided to ignore it;

The feeling, dismissed, the context abstract.

Dreams for sale:

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Dreams for sale:

Sold two wedding dresses today:

One, unworn and white.

The second; loved yet stained…. with the paint I wore to hide me.

Last remnants of a former self,

Sold to the highest bidder.

Eutetic

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Eutetic

Thought I was the Gallium,

It seems I am the Indium.

Electricity shorts out in tears-

Frazzled charges,

you can’t predict.

I want to be surrounded:

Encompassed;

Supported.

Find myself mixing in

Like T-1000, shapeshifting

All the parts of myself

into a palatable poison.

 

It’s true….

I make a sufficient version

Of a reflective surface

To provide you foundation

For building.

Liquid transistors from

Your quick silver mouth,

Unintentionally spewing mercury.

Not understanding the rise in heat…

As I stretch myself into thin circuits.

 

While in non-consensual secrecy,

I constantly pour myself out.

Waiting for the reciprocal…

(All the while, knowing the odds)

Praying for a recharge.

Poking keys into outlets-

Waiting for the spark-

(That I known is going to hurt…)

Pressing tiny diodes,

Like perpetual LEDs,

Embedded in fully cured resin.

 

An unassuming alloy,

Hidden and presented as an ally,

(im)patiently waiting

for the moment…

you decide to let me in.

Another crystal lattice,

I should have known better.

(should know better.)

I’ve seen this pattern before.

But here I am,

Tonguing all the nine volts,

Wishing you would just touch me.

Aw, snap.

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Aw, snap.

It’s a heavy realization:

Reflecting on 39 years

And discovering:

YOU ARE

You are the most prolific liar in your life…And always have been.

Personally, I can convince myself that everything is true;

Okay;

Perfect;

Rational;

Fated;

“The right choice.”

Rarely am I telling myself the truth-

Especially not in my head.

Engine light

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Engine light

“Navigator” is an important role…

But so is “Driver”.

Both must give up control of many aspects…

But trust that both intend to arrive at the agreed destination…

Hope; that both travel in the same direction…

at similar speeds…

attitudes and road games can cause wear and tear…

upon both the vehicle and the occupants…

GPS often requires signals that can get lost…

Sometimes you just need to pull over and look at the map.

Kuiha

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Kuiha

Morning light in view

Bed warm with an empty side, still

Listen for your breath

A poem to a ghost 2.0: Post-ghost writing….

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A poem to a ghost 2.0: Post-ghost writing….

In loving you I have loved myself

They are one in the same

tethering myself to you through the years

Love is a strength that grounds us

I needed to see myself as you see me

You are as I see you

I have anchored myself in that which is the you I have created

Through a glass, darkly

but you need to move on

I do, but not from you.  We have always been together.  Always.

I understand that now

into the beautiful ether…

Back from the beautiful, yet terrifying, ether.  This world is my ground.

Into the rest of your own experience

Don’t be silly, things are not so serious as we make them.

Souls united as ours cannot be separated

This is truth.

in truth

but the tie that binds can be undone

Quantum Mechanics, my darling

In loving myself I can love you

You can do both

but letting you go shall be my

True love is free, and unconditional.

most loving action for you.

*Original version published March 14th, 2012

**Bold written by someone besides me.