I live in a huge house now…
full of closed doors;
For energy conservation,
I’m spending time with a hospice client today who is telling me the secrets of life… they’ve been married two times, 20 years the first time, and 52 years the second. (!!!!)
They say the secret to life is “…to love and let them love you. It’s the only thing that lasts and the only thing you can control. Sometimes. Anger and hate fade away and you don’t remember what exactly you were sore about, but you never forget the reasons you love someone or how it felt when they loved you.”
I’m not crying. YOU’RE CRYING.
Thought I was the Gallium,
It seems I am the Indium.
Electricity shorts out in tears-
you can’t predict.
I want to be surrounded:
Find myself mixing in
Like T-1000, shapeshifting
All the parts of myself
into a palatable poison.
I make a sufficient version
Of a reflective surface
To provide you foundation
Liquid transistors from
Your quick silver mouth,
Unintentionally spewing mercury.
Not understanding the rise in heat…
As I stretch myself into thin circuits.
While in non-consensual secrecy,
I constantly pour myself out.
Waiting for the reciprocal…
(All the while, knowing the odds)
Praying for a recharge.
Poking keys into outlets-
Waiting for the spark-
(That I known is going to hurt…)
Pressing tiny diodes,
Like perpetual LEDs,
Embedded in fully cured resin.
An unassuming alloy,
Hidden and presented as an ally,
for the moment…
you decide to let me in.
Another crystal lattice,
I should have known better.
(should know better.)
I’ve seen this pattern before.
But here I am,
Tonguing all the nine volts,
Wishing you would just touch me.
It’s a heavy realization:
Reflecting on 39 years
You are the most prolific liar in your life…And always have been.
Personally, I can convince myself that everything is true;
“The right choice.”
Rarely am I telling myself the truth-
Especially not in my head.
“Navigator” is an important role…
But so is “Driver”.
Both must give up control of many aspects…
But trust that both intend to arrive at the agreed destination…
Hope; that both travel in the same direction…
at similar speeds…
attitudes and road games can cause wear and tear…
upon both the vehicle and the occupants…
GPS often requires signals that can get lost…
Sometimes you just need to pull over and look at the map.
In loving you I have loved myself
They are one in the same
tethering myself to you through the years
Love is a strength that grounds us
I needed to see myself as you see me
You are as I see you
I have anchored myself in that which is the you I have created
Through a glass, darkly
but you need to move on
I do, but not from you. We have always been together. Always.
I understand that now
into the beautiful ether…
Back from the beautiful, yet terrifying, ether. This world is my ground.
Into the rest of your own experience
Don’t be silly, things are not so serious as we make them.
Souls united as ours cannot be separated
This is truth.
but the tie that binds can be undone
Quantum Mechanics, my darling
In loving myself I can love you
You can do both
but letting you go shall be my
True love is free, and unconditional.
most loving action for you.
*Original version published March 14th, 2012
**Bold written by someone besides me.