Mindful what you wish
Heart spells can be tricky things
Oft not known til done
Today is the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. It has always held mixed meanings for me. My first wedding was held near the Autumnal Equinox and my last wedding was on the Winter Solstice. I came full circle through the seasons and while that final wedding boded no better than the first, it was and will be, my last.
This year, I want to focus on the actually perceivable aspects of it; the eternal pendulum of dark versus light finally swings toward the light again. The darkness has been building up to this point, and now the light finally wins for while. I am going to make sure that I hold that thought within myself… KEEP YOUR LIGHT.
From here out, I will stay mindful of this with the intent that it will guide my choices and my attitude in the coming months. Just as Winter signifies an end, it also indicates the impending Spring. A time of rebirth. A time of renewal. A time of creation.
And that is the miracle.
This week has or will entail the following:
Graduating from grad school;
Starting a new magical gov job;
Killing my car after getting new registration, new brakes, new tires, battery, filling up with gas and putting most of it on my Les Schwab account;
Learning you really, really cannot afford to forget to replace your timing belt cause they are not chains anymore and those bitches fuck shit up when they break;
Getting new hamster car with an amazeballs warranty sold to me by someone who is from my hometown and knows everyone I know…saving my life and new job whilst putting me further into debt and thus eating any extra money from my magical gov job I hoped to pay down previous debt with;
Realizing that not only does that awesome new car have blue tooth, it has satellite radio for three months and there is a PEARL JAM RADIO STATION!!!!! WHICH IS WHAT IT WAS ON WHEN I TEST DROVE IT!!!! I DIE! I DIE! FUCK YOU, EDDIE VEDDER!!!!;
Cementing my understanding of intention and how bad shit makes way for good shit;
Finalizing my final divorce;
Celebrating solstice in the way pagans intended *wink wink*;
Running away from home for 3 days;
and realizing how awesome my friends are.
It’s good to be king.
Ok, I know that this is going to abound with moral relativism issues and non-cultural competence but this really bothers me on a personal level. Especially after yesterday’s butterflies from my arsehole post; but in this day and age, is this really necessary?
I mean, yes, the area has been pounded by devastating earthquakes for the last week, but c’mon. Yes, I made a “Joe and the volcano” joke yesterday about throwing Meg Ryan in the volcano to make them stop, but it was a joke.
This is not. This GIRL was 20 years old. Accused by a 6 year old BOY and viciously tortured and killed by her own village.
Groupthink IS the only Devil in this world.
This is murder. Gender based murder.
Think a positive thought for this girl and those like her please.
I just had an epiphany while lost in deep near meditative thought (is that an oxymoron? meditative thought….hm). Anyhoo…I realized that since my move to the Pacific Northwest last June, I hadn’t really made any friends. Now partially, this is because I haven’t really tried; it is also a self-imposed-quasi-societal-restraint. I really don’t like many females, never have had many female friends (I’ve dated women, but only long enough to realize I really can’t get along with them) and find myself better friends with males…HOWEVER while in a relationship with a man having old male friends is uncomfortable enough, making new ones is just plain drama.
I don’t care how secure your ‘man” is, you start bringing around new guy friends that aren’t gay and it causes static. At least that has ALWAYS been my experience.
What was my point? Oh yes. Females. Women. Girls. Ladies. Chickas. La Feminina…
I haven’t made any new female friends.
That is until recently. Perhaps it is simply the fact that I am in school again and have the opportunities to meet more people or perhaps it is something else. I like to believe that every relationship happens for a reason. Even the bad ones. You learn something about yourself, others, life, whatever. There is a point. When it seems like you have the same relationships over and over, you have somehow MISSED the intended point. So it is presented again in a slightly different albeit similar packaging. Similar enough to be comforting and disarming, different enough to be new and novel. This can happen repeatedly until you get it right and no longer need to attract that same cycle, because you have already mastered it.
Well, in my oxymoronic state as mentioned above, I realized that I am now in the midst of a triad!
A fantastical triad that appeals to my spiritual self.
Maiden. Mother. Crone.
It’s not just a tattoo on my back anymore!
*Now, if the women I am about to talk about actually read this, I hope they are not offended. I am not calling one naive or one old.*
That is not my intent at all so with that caveat lector, let me explain:
The first person I met from my triad, I met this summer at the Cascade Aids Project Aids Walk. We bantered a little, but not much. She is about 8 years younger than I, I think, and married military. No kids. She reminds me of who I think I would have been had I not got married and had kids when I was a kid. She is my maiden. Not because she is naive, but because she is wise and independent and is learning about herself as much as I hope I am finally.
The second person from my triad, I met in a class. She intimidated me but reminded me in energy and spirit of my best friend, Rachael, in Idaho. I was attracted to her and probably freaked her out in the beginning. She is former military, divorced, no kids. She reminds me of who I would have been had I not got married and had kids when I was a kid. She is my crone. Not because she is old, but because she is wise and independent, knows herself as well as I hope to someday.
I, by way of luck, am the mother. I’m right in the middle, divorced then married military, and a mother of a boy child and a girl child. Hopefully there is some reciprocity between us all. I think it is pretty much Kismet that we are all in the same program at such varying stages of our lives.
I also seem to have made a few other female friends in the last couple weeks just by following my gut, including my newest neighbor that was looking at a different house and I kinda went out on a limb and showed her a different house, completely unsolicited. I am excited to start having block parties.
I have never made female friends so easily. I am growing! YAY!
I’m attracting all sorts of feminine energy into my world….
WAHOOOOOO! It’s the first day of SPRING!
Now mind you, one would not know that by looking out my windows, as here in the magically and infamously warm and balmy Pacific Northwest, it is snowing. Sigh.
However, the Pagan celebration of the spring equinox, known by many names (Ostara, Eostre, etc.) is not unlike numerous other festivals, holidays and “holy days,” that the religion in power has changed to suit its purposes. One does not have to try hard to see the similarities between Ostara, Eostre and Easter. Both have to eggs (fertility), rabbits (known of course for their “fecundity” and affinity for chocolate?…hahah) and grass, beginnings and rebirth attached. But this is not to be a commentary on the bastardization of cyclic events! No sir! I shall NOT digress!
Today, I want only to remind you that today is the beginning of the REAL new year. The light and the darkness are balanced today. From here until the winter solstice, the light shall be dominant. Let it be the same in your mind, heart and body. Start this season with intention, decide how you want your life to be and begin it today, anew. Release the darkness of the winter and make strides to shrug off the heaviness, in whatever form it may have actualized on you.
Go for a walk. Meditate. Say what you need to say, to whomever you need to say it to. Smell a flower. Perform a fertility ritual. Have some sex. Smudge your house. Spring cleaning isn’t just about dusting the places you can’t easily reach….or is it? 😀
Perform whatever cleansing ritual you desire, be it cleaning your house, saying a prayer or simply opening your windows. Plant a seed, mentally or physically.
Love and Light,
It had to happen. I finally get a day off from everything and lo and behold the sun was shining and the air was warm. I think somewhere an angel got their wings or some shi*. It was so beautiful that I was compelled to spend my day off cleaning.
Now mind you, half of it was inspired by the fact that my daughter found a couple of fleas on the dog and I freaked out. I do that. Jani doesn’t do fleas, lice, ticks, bedbugs or anything like that. Sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus forbid one of my own kids ever comes home with lice, they may get farmed out. Quarantined. Disowned. Severe? Maybe. There has only been one person I have deloused in my life and she is my other half. In the big picture, creepy crawlies flip me out. Give me something big like a spider. Give me something I can see. That is ok.
Sunshine! Happiness! Smudging! Spiritual and physical housecleaning! It was a good time for it. I feel better having aired the house out.
You should too! Do it! Do it with good energy! Do it with intention! Or just put on your best Martha Stewart saccharine smile or your most kitschy apron and heels, boys, and get crackalackin. Especially if you are in the Pacific Northwest, we never know how long the sun will last…..