Category Archives: poetry

Woundmates

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Woundmates

It’s just you’re Everything-

combined;

A reminder of every one-

I’m not blind.

Memories of patterns…

But amplified.

A new Want-

to be wanted.

No longer needing-

to be needed.

Growth comes in waves-

Big waves can sink ships.

What chance can we have?

Limbo

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Limbo

You’re not calling me to sing-

Now I hate this phone.

A useless distraction throughout my day;

And I found my ring-

I’ve been wearing it since you’re gone.

It sits right where the lines began to fade;

I did all the dishes in the sink-

I’ve been avoiding them all week.

I don’t see the point for it anymore;

You texted me just to say g’night-

The text went no further than it might.

But I wish it had.

Bleach

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Bleach

My seemingly loving efforts appear to have been~
insidious;

regardless of my good intentions.

That stupid fucking realization:

“The grass only grew when we left it alone.”

And I then-

Well, I looked at my hands;         


each rubbing the other like it would somehow bring the other- comfort…

and I flashed upon a memory…

a memory of my father~

wringing his hands…

Because there’s nothing else you can do when “rainy days and Mondays always bring you down…”

I wished that it was all gaslighting-

Alas-

I cannot deny my own part in the fire-

that fire that burnt everything.

Everything we loved-

Everything we planned-

All the things we planted-

Prayed for.

Yep-

I am the common denominator who just…

Just brought it to it’s knees and then to a-

well…

To a bitter fucking end.

And everything I thought I knew

and everything I was meant to do-

Was smoldering… kindling~

Left.

Left to mildew:

Mildew like forgotten laundry in the wash~

Dirty laundry-

a chore.

You know.

The kind you forget because you think you’re happy;

and
you are busy;

and

you feel content.

Then and only then-

do you realize:

you left it;

left it TOO long~

unattended;

in the rain… and also;

On the line-

and now it’s sour;

Rotten…

That smell can not be washed out.

 

Goddamn it.

A Brief Benefit-Cost Analysis

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A Brief Benefit-Cost Analysis

Sometimes I’m not really sure what the fuck I’m getting out of this.

I spend a lot of time- up in my head- trying to determine the motives why I stay here:

How much I put in vs

How much they take out;

What I’m learning vs

What’s becoming bad habits.

What’s mine to own?

What’s theirs to own up to?

Who’s accountable?

50-50?

Sigh. I’ve stopped the cycle by putting lipstick on a pig.

Bob Marley Wisdom…

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Bob Marley Wisdom…

Bob Marley once said:

“You may not be her first,
her last, or her only.

She loved before
she may love again.

But if she loves you now,
what else matters?

She’s not perfect—you aren’t either,
and the two of you may never be perfect together
but if she can make you laugh,
cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day,
but she will give you a part of her
that she knows you can break—her heart.

So don’t hurt her,
don’t change her,
don’t analyze and
don’t expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy,
let her know when she makes you mad,
and miss her when she’s not there.

Love with your whole being when you receive love.
Because there are no perfect girls, but there will always be a girl who is perfect for you..”

stupid fkn pie

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stupid fkn pie

I see it now-

Why you couldn’t love me:

The things I overdid.

The things I should not have done.

Like the pie-

What I saw as a romantic gesture:

A few weeks too soon.

Questioning my motives.

Strange continued reflections-

That at this point should be moot:

Seemingly irrelevant.

Strawberry Rhubarb learnin.

I never should have made you a pie

Dilly dilly

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Dilly dilly

Lavenders blue dilly dilly

I’m missing you

Silly silly

When all that I’ve learned Nilly nilly

Is conflicting with you

Really really

My my my myyyy Sharona

Loops through my ears

Cause

of

the

Rona…

And I run… I run so far away

In my head (cause self isolating)

I try to work for pay…

Everything is going to be okay

But nothing is alright today

But that’s great… it starts with an earthquake… and Lenny Bruce would make it somehow better…

Social distancing what a joke- the nearer we are the further we’ve come…

I found all my friends— they’re all memories in my head…

Endless loops of songs recaptured in inappropriate ways… this is my “solace.”

I have become Jack Torrance somehow.

Scales

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Scales

Counting the days you’d sing to me;

Learning the dance between our moods-

The formula of actions and reactions;

equations and the variables…

Balancing against days I pray;

to just be treated like a dog.

Broken mirror

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Broken mirror

All the things shed-

to make way for new beginnings:

replaced by ectothermic forces

reflection no longer representative

of the self recognized by Id-

ego

ego

ego

STOP.
Increasingly lighter,

more wrinkled;

mortal coil bound.

long life lived

experiences groomed

patterns repeated

for the chance to repair-

the choice to revisit-

the future of a soul

in need of trauma repair-

control dramas

daddy issues

abandonment

fear

and love

Shame overwhelms

influencing choices

like mercury retrograde
making all communication
futile; yet needed.

spiral spiral spiral

STOP.

who do we see when we look?
cracked and distorted

visions intuited

through a looking glass, darkly.