Monthly Archives: June 2012

My Artesian soul…..

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And I realized in that moment,

It wasn’t you who had changed.

It wasn’t the “us” that was different.

It was me giving you the benefit:

The benefit of my artesian soul,

which had recently been refilled

to the brim.

Not unlike a geyser spouts,

it spilled over into us.

I feel like an eddy,

The tornado around the drain.

I lose my pressure around you.

Nothing even percolates.

It’s flat.

Huh.

I thought it was you.

But it was me.

It was him.

It was there.

I must rediscover the source.

 

Sexiest damn song. I had forgotten. It’s what was playing when I wrote this in my head.

Slow your roll, my fellow ‘Merikaans.

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Slow your roll, my fellow ‘Merikaans.

Yes, they did vote 5-4 that Obamacare was not unconstitutional and that while they cannot force you to purchase insurance, they can tax you (read fine you) for not purchasing it.

Now, before you get your tea party panties in a bunch and start throwing money at Romney’s campaign like it’s a cotton candy scented stripper and making plans to have a Branch Davidian like compound, remember a couple things:

1: Every time you put on a seat belt or purchase a car with seat belts in it, the gov made you do that. Oh wait, no they didn’t. But if you don’t wear it, you most certainly can get a ticket.

2: When you get that said ticket, I hope to sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus you have car insurance, cause the gov made you get that. Oh wait, no they didn’t. But if you don’t have it, you can go to jail. And have your money taken.

I could go on, but suffice it to say, THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

THIS IS A GOOD THING.

YOU WILL NOT DIE.

YOU WILL MAKE IT.

The Constitution will be ok.

Cause sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus forbid we do anything nowadays that is different from what we did in the Year of our Lord, 1787.

Now go away, I must go to church, clean, cook, make babies and pray my husband doesn’t beat me.

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Such a sad choice for Portland.

For those who can't afford free speech

Street Roots editorial 6.22.2012

The free rail zone, once known as Fareless Square is gone.

In a city that prides itself on being green, innovative and equity driven, it seems odd that besides a few organizations and voices in the wilderness, losing the free-rail zone didn’t seem to matter much.

It sure wasn’t all that important to Tri-Met. Didn’t hear much from the city, or other government institutions on the issue. The business community didn’t seem to mind, and why would they. Most out-of-town visitors, especially those attending conventions, will have their ride subsidized with revenue from a visitors tax.

When Fareless Square began in 1975, and throughout the years, it was held up as a beacon in the movement of progressive economic development, helping curb air pollution and encouraging people not to drive.

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Would you like a tour of my brain? C’mon you know you do…..

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Would you like a tour of my brain? C’mon you know you do…..

I shall share several bricks in my wall with you:

What I hear externally:

What I sing in my head these days:

My apparent life script:

“I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time—everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family….I will give you all of this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.” ~ liz gilbert

Visual Ego Collage:

My Vision Board:

What I expect any moment:

How I am combating it:

Have you always wanted to run with the wolves? Well, how about ZOMBIES….

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Have you always wanted to run with the wolves? Well, how about ZOMBIES….

Hey I can’t do this and need money. Hook a chica up. Cost $87 through them, $50 through me.

http://portland.craigslist.org/clk/tix/3082331610.html

Of course, her hair is red now.

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Of course, her hair is red now.

I find it interesting that every significant passage of my life is marked by the release of a Fiona Apple album.

This came out recently on NPR:

http://m.npr.org/story/154422085?url=/2012/06/10/154422085/first-listen-fiona-apple-the-idler-wheel

Here is a video of the first single (of course it is.) *note the snails, people who know me*

Here are the lyrics of “Every single night”:

Every single night I endure the flight
Of little whims of white flame
Butterflies in my brain
These ideas of mine percolate the mind
Trickle down the spine
Form the belly swelling to a blaze

That’s where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can’t get the feelings in

Every single nights a light
With my brain

And I say to her
Why’d I say it to her
What does she think of me
That I’m not what I ought to be
That I’m what I try not to be
Has got to be somebody else’s fault
I can’t get caught

If what I am is what I am
Cuz I does what I does
Then brother get back cuz my breast gonna bust open
The rib is the shell and the heart is the yolk
And I just made a meal for us both to choke on

Every single nights a fight
With my brain

I just wanna feel everything x3

So I’m gonna try to be still now
Gonna renounce the mill a little while
And if we had a double king size bed
We could move in it and I’d soon forget

If what I am is what I am
Cuz I does what I does
And maybe I’d relax let my breast just bust open
My hearts made of parts of all that’s around me
And that’s why the devil just can’t get around me

Every single nights alright
Every single nights a fight
Every single fights alright
With my brain

I just wanna feel everything…

I could have effing wrote them. Move over Florence Welch. Fiona’s back. With red hair.

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For more info on Right to Dream Too, visit http://right2dreamtoo.wordpress.com/

For those who can't afford free speech

Cameron Whitten, Portland Occupier and former mayoral candidate, marked the tenth day of his hunger strike outside city hall today with a small cadre of supporters, including two new strikers.

Wearing a “Suicidal Tendencies” baseball cap and inexplicably wielding a sign of a green, smiling sunflower, Whitten talked with passersby in front of his sidewalk station, hoping that his public hunger strike will inspire others to become more involved. The 2 p.m. rally drew about 25 people in support for Whitten’s demonstration in solidarity with the homeless community.

“Seeing that I’m putting everything in my life aside—refusing to eat food, camping outside City Hall — (I am) hoping people realize that if they just gave five minutes of their time to call up a representatives, volunteer in their community and talk about the issues that are important to you, they can bring about change,” says Whitten.

Whitten has made his…

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Spoiler Alert: Snow White and the Huntsman

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Just incase you arent a fantasy movie junkie and dont want to spend 8-15 bucks to see this in the theater, I am going to give you a quick rundown of this movie via its regurgitated scenage.

 

So we all know the story of snow white:

Moms perfect, dies, dad is sad, dotes on daughter, gives her a new perfect mother who turns out to be crazy sorceress bitch.

Im sure there are a couple scenes I forgot, but suffice to say add some crows and some mirror crap and thats essentially the whole thing.

It was good but very very derivative. Some scenes were ridiculously so.

But hey, at least she didn’t end up with a King. That should make the feminists happy.

 

 

 

 

Wouldacouldashoulda…welll mayyybe, eh, no.

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Wouldacouldashoulda…welll mayyybe, eh, no.

Sometimes, when I am in the midst of my “what might have beens” I like to think back to what could have been pivotal ages, pivotal choices that in alternate universes may have been diverging points….You know, if I didn’t think that every choice, interaction and the related changes EVERYTHING 🙂 No pressure, choosing white or wheat at Subway of course….Would I go back? Would I make different choices? Would I whisper in my younger selves ear?

Anywhoo….while in a near boiling bath ignoring my very real reality I decided, 14. That is the age of which everything changed for me…gears were already in motion, but I recognized them and deliberately chose another way…All the Tims, TJs, Lisas and Dans, Beckys and Brians…or was it Bryan? hmmmm

It reminded me of a poem I wrote then, in Lisa’s basement, when I lived with them….

-0.5

Too big, too fast

with no way to go back

a yellow childhood

turned to a life of black

No mommy to hold me

a father not there

a child all alone

God it’s not fair

Pray to the heavens

confess all your sins

Don’t you remember?

The nice guy never wins.

A mouth open wide

but you don’t hear me sing

you listen to the melody

but don’t know what I mean

Find a happy medium

somewhere among the gray

If you said you ever loved me

understand my words today.

 

And then I realized, NO. I would never go back then 🙂

14-year-old Jani was surprisingly more effed up than 32-year-old Jani.

 

Do you ever….

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Do you ever….
  • Feel so overwhelmed with everything that you are so frozen you can’t do anything?
  • Think through every possible outcome of any possible scenario to try and weigh your options until you are so panicked at the thought you can’t make a decision anyway?
  • Metaphorically shoot yourself in the foot?
  • Take on more than you can handle?
  • Decide to create boundaries after they are crossed?
  • Lay in the fetal position in the bottom right hand corner of your bed sobbing uncontrollably about nothing in particular?
  • Fantasize about running away and being a criminal?
  • Lock yourself in a place and toss the key out the window?
  • Wait until the last minute to do everything?
  • Start 984,753,024,875,034,785,034 different things and never finish any of them?
If you do 9/10 of these like I do, we may in fact be soul mates. It’s nice to meet you, other me.