So it’s true;
love is never unconditional…
just like the terms of one parole-
There is always a catch:
Expectations, both unspoken and timed.
Goals that must be timely met,
all the while you’re reminded to….
BEWARE! the many dancing swords above your Damaclean head.
it’s always the “no, but…” that fucks up the flow.
Stability is a temporary experience,
And never, a given.
I need very little
and desire?
Even less.
We…
We are the closest thing I’ve found;
My underwater cacophony
that quiets it all…
The outside drowned
A roaring quiet-
I desire this.
To be:
buoyed;
anchored;
and asea.
I’ve been in a lot of relationships where things have been broken…
Things that I’ve bought; things that I’ve earned;
been given, gifted-
…learned.
But bones often heal and time-
Well time, it blurs the edges…
Now I’m finding myself in a lot of situations where things are being restructured…
Things I’ve been taught;
things that I’ve chosen;
been given, gifted-
…learned.
But hearts often heal and experience-
Well experience, it sharpens focus.
Unopened presents-
Intended totems of love;
Artifacts of faith.
I thought you loved me.
Today I just feel stupid-
“Why I sleep alone.”
I’ve recently found,
I stay more comfortable.
I’m leaving all of the inside doors, open.
Closing the vents,
to unused rooms…
worked only in proximity.
Closing the doors,
to forgotten rooms;
created cold spots.
So I started a fire,
opened all vents… doors;
warmed from within.
The moon was never gone;
just beyond your view.
Behind clouds,
behind earth.
Making silent moves;
effecting the tides.
All the while;
cycling back to you.
I found myself there-
In that place, once again.
The cavernous mermaid lagoon;
a familiar yet frightening place; bound.
It was curious really-
Realizing where I’d arrived.
When by consciously avoiding-
My unintentional destination found.
Only for a brief moment yielding-
Like Yeats’ siren:
In cruel happiness I’d forgotten-
That even lovers drown.
Used to be…
I’d come across them-
Confetti strewn caches-
drawers of forgotten notes…
I felt sad, and missed them.
Question everything.
Then it changed…
I’d find them and realize-
I don’t know the writer-
Ghostwritten manifestos of complacency…
I’d feel disgust, and miss me.
Question everything.
Today I found more…
I read them and noted-
It really was a version of me-
Just a me adapted to them…
I feel nothing, and am missing nothing.
Question everything.
Tell me that you’re happy,
Never say that you love me.
Words and wishes
often curse-
Much better to be left unsaid.
Few can see eternity while standing in humble awe,
Under an illuminated galaxy.
Stargazers over lifetimes,
Recognizing kindred spirits whilst acknowledging divergent paths…
Hopeless romantics, becoming fewer and farther between…
Stifled by noise and light pollution;
Subconsciously choosing to experience the taste of duty-
An assumption of desire to participate in the conditioned path.
Following breadcrumbs to the witch’s sanctum;
Below the vastness of time…
Like a homing beacon- they await a conjunction in a retrograde.
Guided only by energy and the moon;
Moths drawn to the undying light-
Second star to the right, and straight on til morning.
Lately I’ve been pondering;
What it’s like to drown-
Knowing that it’s the will to live~
That… gasping-
Sometimes brings eventual demise.
And also;
How clever people are-
The older that they get~
At blurring… gulps to live-
Versus means… to not.
And I sewed and sewed-
Until my finger bled; but still-
One promise I kept.
I can’t stand the silence;
More so now, than ever before.
My emotional reactions-
Full of hope, I choose to ignore.
I long for grounding;
A way to separate our energies.
My sympathetic feels-
Overwhelm me with anxieties.
I recognize similarities;
Our resonant trauma echoes.
My appreciation of you-
Empathy tips the dominoes.
I’ve subdued my urges-
As often as I can…
Quieting the undesired parts of self.
But still… it’s not enough-
Now, inactions aren’t enough…
Words now forbidden-chastised-shamed-
Acutely.
What next?
Thoughts?
From one Pisces fish to you.... 