Tag Archives: songs

2018 year in review:

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2018 year in review:

Haven’t done one of these in a couple years. Seems fitting as I am in my 38th year… which is the year I’ve been thinking about since I was 19 years old.

It’s been a wild ride.

And a long life.

Hopefully, I get 38 more years.

1. Codependent is not the same as interdependent… no matter how you package it, some people will never understand the difference.

2. Never take friendships for granted; even after 28 years, they can end without proper maintenance. Even with proper maintenance, people grow apart. That’s ok.

3. There are social contracts that we all must abide by, to some extent. However, any social contract that requires you to be anything but your authentic self (save for concrete moral deviance) can go fuck themselves. This is your life. You probably only get one. Love it. Live it. Choose it. You’re the driver.

4. “Stairway to heaven” really is truth. 🎵“Yes, there are two paths you can go by… But in the long run…There’s still time to change the road you’re on.”🎵 Two paths. Fear or love.

5. If you’re all the way right or all the way left, you can’t see the whole picture. Take a couple steps back and listen.

6. Echo chambers are bad.

7. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent is stop parenting.

8. You can lose/leave most of your things and be happy.

9. Dogs really are better than cats. By a small margin. But still better.

10. Money definitely doesn’t buy happiness. Always choose the job that feeds your soul. If you’re doing things right, someone will feed your belly.

11. When you have enough to feed your belly, feed someone else’s. When you have enough to feed your soul, feed someone else’s.

12. Energy is cyclic. I knew that years ago but I was definitely reminded repeatedly this year. Be mindful of the energy you put out. It’s easy to become comfortable, complacent, and forget.

13. Choose love. Even if it ends badly, you will end up better for it. You can leave with love. You can lead with love. You can heal with love. Always love yourself first. Insert some cliche about airplane oxygen masks.

14. Experiences are better than things. But… sweet gestures are still sweet.

15. Excitement and exuberance count. More than you realize.

16. Gratitude begets gratitude.

17. Douglas Adams really is a genius.

18. You can be aware and understand without co-opting and/or being offended. It really isn’t about you.

19. Except when it is… if you have a boundary, don’t let yourself or anyone else violate it.

20. There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame… learn the difference.

21. People tell you who they are and what they want through actions. You have to listen and watch. They often contradict each other.

22. Timing is everything. Sometimes things circle back around when you’re ready, sometimes they don’t because they were only there for the lesson.

23. The world, and humans, haven’t really changed. Comparisons are moot.

24. You can’t save anyone but yourself.

25. And Hobo Johnson/Frank is a lyrical genius.

Huzzah. Xoxo

Body electric

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Body electric

Ok, Ok… so I have almost gotten Lana Del Rey out of my system BUT! I wasn’t able to get an entire album onto one disc, so I have only been listening to the one. Today I decided to listen to the other one with a measly 4 songs on it and lo and behold; she has a song called Body Electric which is a throw back to my favorite Whitman poem

OMG I love her fucking face.

She is one of my soul mates I am sure of it now.

xoxo

Jani

back in the day

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back in the day

I would make mix tapes. I would call a radio station repeatedly and sit with my finger on the pause button (on the tape player that was already on record) just waiting for that first few notes of a song so I could record it asap….

That was special.

If you got a mix tape from me, you knew I was madly in love with you and I had been obsessively thinking of the perfect order, perfect songs, perfect everything….

Now you just make a lame playlist and click burn. It’s relatively easy if you have a nice collection of mp3s, which I do…..

I have made one just today (granted I had to purchase two songs to complete the theme…) but I did it.

I was proud of myself and yet, I missed my tape player. Especially when I saw the scotch tape I no longer needed to record over something and the pencil I no longer needed to rewind ever so lightly to use the tape length perfectly…

Kids today? Lazy. 😉

New song, new day, new attitude: @imaginedragons

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New song, new day, new attitude: @imaginedragons

Gonna live it.

Best new day ever.

Bring on the apocalypse in whatever form my live gives me it, I have my battle music now.

“Radioactive”

I’m waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
I’m breathing in the chemicals
I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse
WhoaI’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactiveI raise my flags, don my clothes
It’s a revolution, I suppose
We’ll paint it red to fit right in
Whoa
I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse
WhoaI’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive

All systems go, sun hasn’t died
Deep in my bones, straight from inside

I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive
Whoa, whoa, I’m radioactive, radioactive

 

Missing a Ghost

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Missing a Ghost

I think on some level Adam Duritz and I are bipolar soulmates. His lyrics have spoken to me throughout the years in unexpected and evolving ways. Since I was 13 years old, I have experienced my life through August and Everything After to Underwater Sunshine.

Today, I am “raining in baltimore.”

This circus is falling down on it’s knees
The big top is crumbling down
It’s raining in Baltimore fifty miles east
Where you should be, no one’s around
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I need a big love
I need a phone call
These train conversations are passing me by
And I don’t have nothing to say
You get what you pay for
But I just had no intention of living this way
I need a phone call
I need a plane ride
I need a sunburn
I need a raincoat
And I get no answers
And I don’t get no change
It’s raining in Baltimore, baby
But everything else is the same
There’s things I remember and things I forget
I miss you I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?
I need a phone call maybe I should buy a new car
I can always hear a freight train Baby, if I listen real hard
And I wish, I wish it was a small world
Because I’m lonely for the big towns
I’d like to hear a little guitar
I guess it’s time to put the top down
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I really need a raincoat
I really really need a rain coat
I really really really need a rain coat
I really need a raincoat

Can I have this dance? Yeah. You. Over there….

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Can I have this dance? Yeah. You. Over there….

This song makes me want to waltz.

It’s tre’ magnifique.

“…just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?”

XoXo

Jason Mraz is magic.

A walk with Jim…

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A walk with Jim…

I wrote this after a particularly, ahem, lucid “dream.”

It’s a song.

It’s folksy.

Enjoy the fruit of my 18 year old brain. 🙂

A walk with Jim

He was the lizard king

and I, the moth queen.

Attracted to the light,

we came out at night.

Hazy memory,

my reincarnate vision…

Close my eyes I can hear him…

this man I think I knew…

I see him…remember him…

Am I crazy or is this called Déjà vu?

He said “You’re drinking with the third.”

Could I have been the fourth?

A couple of bipolar casualties.

A poet and a shaman;

And me a hopeless romantic.

Only one of us was knowing

our vaccine was our disease.

He was the lizard king

and I, the moth queen.

Distracted by the light

we faded into the night.

© 1998, 2012

Ugh, more poetry? Really? No, it’s a song stupid. Really?

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Ugh, more poetry? Really? No, it’s a song stupid. Really?

Yes, really. At this point in my world, I have finals coming up and all sorts of things going on in my “real” life if you want to call it that, so I’m short on time and brain RAM so you get to read the most fantastic poems/songs I ever wrote. Actually, they may not be that fantastic. Who knows, I can love and hate a poem/song I wrote in the same day. Depends on my mood.

So make your own decisions.

This is actually a song if you can hear it in your head as you read it…It’s kinda a Hole sounding song. Like a “Hole’s first album possibly written by Cobain but claimed by Courtney” kinda song…Whatevs, it sounds fab in my room alone with my guitar and no one listening to me sing(read scream) but myself. Cheers!

Subjective Mistress

Drowning in my self-indulgence

weeding through the honored few

I’m haunted by the borrowed ghosts

and lost inside my wicked womb

(Chorus)

to stay to bloom to swallow

to consume

to entomb

the truth the truth

subjective mistress

My choose my own adventure life

a constant gardener not just at night

I’m overthought and underfucked

and tangled in your broken loom

(Chorus)

to stay to bloom to swallow

to consume

to entomb

the truth the truth

subjective mistress