Tag Archives: science

Eutetic

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Eutetic

Thought I was the Gallium,

It seems I am the Indium.

Electricity shorts out in tears-

Frazzled charges,

you can’t predict.

I want to be surrounded:

Encompassed;

Supported.

Find myself mixing in

Like T-1000, shapeshifting

All the parts of myself

into a palatable poison.

 

It’s true….

I make a sufficient version

Of a reflective surface

To provide you foundation

For building.

Liquid transistors from

Your quick silver mouth,

Unintentionally spewing mercury.

Not understanding the rise in heat…

As I stretch myself into thin circuits.

 

While in non-consensual secrecy,

I constantly pour myself out.

Waiting for the reciprocal…

(All the while, knowing the odds)

Praying for a recharge.

Poking keys into outlets-

Waiting for the spark-

(That I known is going to hurt…)

Pressing tiny diodes,

Like perpetual LEDs,

Embedded in fully cured resin.

 

An unassuming alloy,

Hidden and presented as an ally,

(im)patiently waiting

for the moment…

you decide to let me in.

Another crystal lattice,

I should have known better.

(should know better.)

I’ve seen this pattern before.

But here I am,

Tonguing all the nine volts,

Wishing you would just touch me.

Bilingual Lattice

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Bilingual Lattice

Wanderlust inside my genes- 

you understand yet I can’t explain it.

Tattooed myself a compass rose;

even had the words planned out.

Magnetic north was elusive, 

my needle was never static. 

External fields always moving-

such chaos was attractive.

I froze. 

Slowed like aging sap,

now Amber; 

just a little rub gave charge.

Attracting lighter temporary adhesions;

Electra complex?

Electrostatic relationships-

Air signs catch the abstract thoughts 

as Pisces pump them out.

Ironic; anemia causes magnetic susceptibility, ha.

Riding ferrous peaks and valleys

Manipulated by polar changes

Strange- the sensation of a covalent bond…

I had forgotten I like chemistry, what attraction!

Atoms search for more stable states…

as within, as all around. 

Pouring myself into you,

I became more positive and you,

You became more negative.

No longer just Gilbert’s permeable membrane; 

It has become more selective.

Osmosis nearly dried me out, 

close the circuit then give back-

a constant flow of electrons 

now is crystalline; 

Translational symmetry.

I want an ionic bond. 

Confirmation Bias, perhapst…..

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Confirmation Bias, perhapst…..

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are remembering something you previously thought or said when suddenly something specifically interacts with you regarding it? I’m sure it is some sort of confirmation bias, part of the reason that divining tools and/or oracles seem spot on… You hear what you need to or are supposed to or are receptive to… right?

Ok, so riddle me this, Batman…

You know that place between dreaming and awake? When you are still responsive to the world for the most part but also starting to dream? Yeah. So there I am, there being a subjective ethereal term… and I am remembering a conversation I had about a recent tarot reading and the continuing conversation about a certain song’s potentially related lyrics and how it was super sweet and what I wanted….blah blah blah girl crap…. fast forward back to dreamspeaking state….

and that song comes on.

It was kinda awesome. It even took me a second to process it actually was playing outside of my dreamy state. HA

Yes, I know it doesn’t mean anything, per se….

But it was badass nonetheless.

 

Navigation

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Navigation

Relationships are interesting things. In some regards they are utterly necessary for survival and yet other times, are contrary to it. All of our interactions are built around some sort of relationship, be it familial, romantic, platonic, sexual, business, pleasure, some combination, or even the inherent lack of a relationship is a sort of relationship in unto itself.

I have been giving a lot of thought to this thing, “Relationship” in my life; the art of it and the purpose of it. On one hand I find myself constantly in some sort of flux within them, the push and pull, yin and yang of giving and receiving energy in the confines of one. But on the other hand, I variate between desperation for one and frustration because I am in one. And I am not merely speaking of romantic ones, although recently that has been the catalyst of this thought.

I am navigating a path within a relationship I have never been on. One involving separation as a means of keeping some sort of a relationship. It is odd. It is uncomfortable. It is confusing. It is counter-intuitive to everything I have ever thought. It breaks my heart and gives me hope in the same moment. Everyone has heard the tired ol’  cliche if you love something let it go…if it’s yours it will come back, if it doesn’t it never was or however the bullshit goes. Well, I suppose in a healthy unattached view of the world that works to a sense, but in the real life application that means nothing to me.

I have attachment issues. I know that.

I have control issues. I know that.

I probably have borderline personality issues. I am aware, thanks.

I digress…

I also know that there are things within myself and my relationships that I can affect to get the desired effect….I learned long ago about the relationship between trauma and patterns, brain chemistry and triggers….however it wasn’t until recently that I was ready to hear and understand. It has been a subject of interest in a class of mine and lo and behold, I am at a receptive point in my life wherein I GET it.

I understand how previous experiences influence the list of bad things embedded in my Hippocampus. I understand that this growing list sends all sorts of emergency signals to my Amygdala. I understand why over the years chronic stresses have set my baseline window of tolerance for drama higher.

I get it. That question I have been asking myself lately? Why it seems I dealt with worse shit better in the past? Why these days the slightest thing makes me frozen with fear whereas in the past I was able to act with confidence when looking certain death literally in the eye? It all makes sense.

So now, I am set on a path to reevaluate my own triggers.

Understand that trust IS a verb and a noun.

Love is a verb AND a noun.

I am reprograming my Hippocampus in the best way I can.

I am stepping out of my Limbic, Reptilian brain and into my Vulcan, Prefrontal Cortex as consciously and conscientiously as I can.

Relationships should be fluid. When they aren’t  they become unbalanced. Just like a tug of war, if you add more to one side, the other side loses.

Every thing, every feeling, every physical act, every emotional act, is a cycle and a balancing act. I knew this all along.

But now I KNOW it.

Does it make it easier for my internal GPS?

No.

But it makes it less frightening. Giving it a name. Seeing it for what it is, is better.

Thanks for coming on my journey. ツ

XOXO,

Jani

Statistics make me cry and make me feel dumb.

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Statistics make me cry and make me feel dumb.

So I have taken stats 3 times. Associates, bachelors and now graduate. I received an A in the first two. I tried to waive out this time but missed 4 too many on the waiver exam. Every professor teaches it different and while it is a static (haha) thing, I swear it keeps changing.

Riddle me this:

One of my prof’s questions said something to the effect of the mean of ________ was 478 days and the standard deviation is 178 days. So with that line of thinking, as far as a bell curve goes, minus 3 Standard Deviations is -56. Can that be right? Am I crazy? How can I read that wrong?

I hate stats and I will never use it. I will pay someone else lots of money to do it when I grow up.

Music is love is magic is music.

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Music is love is magic is music.

I had seen something on Sunday Morning or 60 minutes about this idea, but I had never seen the results of it. Now, seeing it, my heart overflows with joy. It makes me want to research the implications of TBIs and Alzheimer’s and shaken baby syndrome and comas and persistent vegetative states and all neurological issues….overbroad? maybe.

Maybe not.

I just learned about a study regarding music and math pilot program:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=rhythm-and-music-help-math-students-12-03-27

Music is magic. 

It stimulates places in the brain that are thought to be incapable of regeneration.

We as a species do not even know the half of it. 🙂

Screw EEGs and MRIs; watch this video:

LOVE.

xoxo

Put on your tin foil hats, friends! Infact, PUT ON TWO!

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Put on your tin foil hats, friends! Infact, PUT ON TWO!

Ok, so if anyone wants to get all Sheldon Cooper on me, now would be a GREAT time to do so. I was going to write something poignant today, as I have time. BUT this makes my brain seize.

Seriously watch the video. I mean, WTF is that????

Nibiru?

What if, in some way, the sun was like a stargate….and Nibiru was coming OUT of the sun…..Annunaki phone home?

*cue the foreboding music*

If you are not familiar with the concept of Nibiru, basically it is a theory by several “crazy” astronomers (no really! Like the earth is round psssh) and others, made popular by author Zecharia Sitchin that basically states:

“A large-scale hypothetical planet that’s part of our solar system with an orbit beyond that of Neptune. Was first hypothesized in 1841 when astronomers noticed Uranus did not move as predicted in its orbit. Based on these residuals, the search for Planet X began. Please keep in mind, I’m not a graphic artist. (doh) But most importantly, the dates illustrated below are just to ROUND OFF for purpose’s of simplicity. The current figure generally accepted by science is that planet x/Nibiru is on a 3600 year elongated (elliptical) solar orbit. My personal calculations put this at 4320.26 years <—!!!Wrong!!! (See Below). Since this is closest to 4000 years I thought it would be fair enough when referring to a chronological scale of human/earth history.This means that PlanetX/Nibiru is visible every 2000 (2,160) years during its orbital pass. ( Sumerian and Mayan text both state that Nibiru is clearly visible by day as well as night )That being said, all science arenas confirm that the below charted events took place in the past at around those periods. The debate of course, is when exactly they occurred, and what exactly caused them to occur which isn’t relevant for our purpose. You’ll clearly see that the timeline’s show something happens on a catastrophic scale every 4000 years (or so). The Sumerians told us that Nibiru wreaks havoc with the earth’s axis every second orbital pass. (Every 4000 years or so). Basically, Earth’s axis processed from a right tilt forward and probably 180 to the left in around 10 or 20 hours due to the gravitational “jolt” that takes place.Hmmmmm…The Sumerian mathematics system might seem odd at first, but it’s actually ideal for geometry, calculation with fractions, and time. The hour was divided into 60 minutes of 60 seconds each by the Mesopotamians using their sexagesimal system of counting. Sumerians state that Geometry and Astronomy was the language bestowed upon them by the gods (flesh and blood gods) and is still used by Freemason architects today gaining knowledge on their Templar crusades in the Middle East. (The Templars disbanded and later reappeared as Freemasons).Hmmmmm… So, are the Sumerians lying and it’s actually just a myth as modern religion would have you think? Only problem is, they have this documented 4000 years before Christians even existed. Anyway, its clear I back up this claim. Me and that pesky science fella. 🙂 Various studies of Sumerian mathematics point out that the numerals are intimately connected to the processional cycle. The unusual alternating structure of the Sumerian sexagesimal system throws special emphasis on the number 12,960,000, which represents exactly 500 great processional cycles of 25,920 years.The lack of any connotations, other than astronomical, for the multiples of 25,920 and 2,160 can only suggest a deliberate design for astronomical purposes, yes? I think we can all agree on that.Therefore, my suspicions strongly indicate that the revolutionary orbit of this 12th planet Nibiru could not consist of 3,600 years, but of 4,320 years. Assuming that’s correct, then what would the consequences be? If a whole new calculation is performed from the time of the great flood, which according to Alford occurred in 10,983 BCish, with the new orbital pass every 2,160 years.” (http://churchofcriticalthinking.org/planetx.html)

Just food for thought.

Carry on, sheeple. 🙂

Oh wait! Did you know that today is National Uranus Day? Coincidence? I think not. 😛

Pi day Update: For an official explanation I found today (sounds like hogwash to me….) click here: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/14/ufo_sphere_solar_eruption/