I don’t know if I am grandiose or not,
When I first meet people I catch myself making up some sort of recipe;
A fictional psychosocial evaluation on them
which becomes their individual narrative in my mind,
*This is guided of course by what I think I know of people, think i know of social work, think I know of psychology, think that I read on their body language, or learned in life, learned reading a book, learned by being the one that could shut the fuck up; observe & mimic other people in order to blend in like a chameleon, in new and/or uncomfortable situations for safety)
Meh, I digress…
Anyway, your narrative (and by “your” I mean you who are reading this had I met you or when I met you, not anyone person in particular) that I create in my head is how I related to you until I learn more and start replacing my humble conjecture with relayed facts;
But I admit, sometimes, I feel like a superhuman;
Like I must be psychic or an empath or Dr. Xavier;
e.g. Sookie Stackhouse trying to ignore the thoughts she really does NOT want to hear;
Sometimes, I find out that through many of the facts people share with me;
Actually align pretty well with the totally fictional made up backstory I spun them. It’s very unsocialworky of me.
I mean, what do I have to go on in talking to people for only a few minutes? I can see their eyes, their hands, their voice, their body language, their tone, etc….It’s totally inappropriate for me to create their whole backstory based on a few minutes interaction…
Do other people do that?? They must. I hope they do; otherwise, I probably sound a bit like a loon.
I am sure it is merely some sort of experienced/educated projection….some fancy defense mechanism that allowed observant and smart people to reproduce…skills that are not being passed down today because we are so distracted and looking down into a portable rabbit hole…WHOA, speaking of rabbit holes…
Sorry, I’ll spare you the self disparaging rant.
Anyhoo, like…maybe I have this social worker lens,
Seventies television show idea of each new person I meet’s whole life….
If I did, it could be something as follows:’
Complete with theme song *wink*
Baby of large family
The smallest Brady no one mentioned
Grew up wanting a family
Someone to take care of
Someone to have your back
Just wanted to be someone’s hero
Wanted to be a soldier;
Found a family there
People to look up to you
Someone to share first memories with…
Your substitute hard drive
Exhausted and rejuvenated finally fell in love
Family wasn’t there
Decided to go back there and then came home
Moved onto another
A Betty Crocker Readymade family to love
To replace the one you didn’t know yet to want
But it just didn’t fit
You internalized the blame
Then as you got older
You realized you needed more ways to go back,
So through trial and error,
Sex and beer,
Adrenalin, fighting, racing, speed
Went back in different ways to reestablish:
yourself, your worth
All the familiar roles
Pride and admiration
Understanding of experience
Validation for your work
Found your family
In more than one way.
Maybe I am grandiose and plain ol’ crazy.
I can spin a good back story though.
C’est la vie.