Tag Archives: balance

I’m just a believer….

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I’m just a believer….

That things will get better.

Silver linings and all that.

Agrodolce.

This is for you too, Jane.

 

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So maybe I am a capitalist swine.

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So maybe I am a capitalist swine.

But if I couple my need to chase paper with serving people and advocating for the oppressed…. Does it balance out?

Can you be a good social worker and want to make a lot of money or does that make you unapproachable and even more privileged? Yes. And yet, no….

“Money is the reason…We exist….Everybody knows it, it’s a fact! *Kiss, kiss*”

This is an interesting article that delves into the topic…watch the ted talk too.

I struggle with wanting a job that will fulfill my intrinsic needs and my financial ones… but find that if it pays my bills plus, I usually feel less than awesome about what I am doing.

I’ve struggled with balancing having a partner who can financially share in the support of my world but still fulfill the physical/emotional intimacy needs as well…

As to both, I have always found that if I have one the other is lacking regardless of which I have… Yet, I have recently come to the conclusion one can have both but it can’t be expected… only appreciated.

It’s an interesting reconciliation of thought.

Onward.

xoxo

Scales

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Scales

I am still riding high on this magical journey of intention…. I think I may have figured it out…  If you missed the post of which I am referring; basically I stated that I stopped focusing on the things that I wanted to avoid and started focusing on what I wanted instead…. I sang to the universe and it has responded in kind:

Within the last week:

I had a reiki treatment to help me let go of bitterness, remain present and open myself to opportunities….then:

I had the last man I let break my heart tell me that he never really loved me and now that he has met his “soul mate,” got clean, and yet, simultaneously medicated and found “Jesus” that he wants to be friends; and apologized for never giving me the experience he is giving her. *GAG*

Ouch. Yeah. No thanks. Kudos for doing everything you are doing right but……NO>

I also posted my yearly whoroscope….. a few weeks ago; which was insanely accurate and gave me this beauty:

“You tend to fall in love with those you need to help, educate or save in some way. In 2013, you’re adding the requirement of long-term stability to the mix. Your standards for a serious partner are more rooted in loyalty and consistency than ever before. You want staying power, which means giving up the unobtainable relationship pattern. The part of you that’s drawn to the projected ideal of a person is being replaced with a serious reality check, compliments of Saturn in Scorpio. Intimacy is now what you crave, and that requires stability, reliability and trust. Such character traits need to be shown to you in the real world from now on. No longer will you fall in love with someone’s potential. You’ve been burned too many times trying to play the role of the wounded healer, Pisces.”

Well no more.

No means no, frat boy.

As you can see, I am trying to steer clear of patterns….try something different….

THENNNNN also this week:

I reiterated my desire to have someone look at me like Lindsey looked at Stevie….

Something like this, right around 2 minutes eighteen seconds in…. she’s doing her thing and he is so fucking in love with her for that moment:

And BOOM:

Someone looked at me like that, if only for a moment.

Thoughts are things, my friends, thoughts.are.things.

The universe balances the scales if you stay out of your own way.

XOXO

Jani

And just because this is good shit…. here is some more delicious vintage Stevie….listen till the end…. this is how the song is supposed to end.

“Rulers make bad lovers….”

This is the part that I hate…

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This is the part that I hate…

So I have this bad habit of starting sentences with adverbs. Oh well. 🙂

Anyway, I had company this weekend who asked me why I have pictures hanging everywhere of my ex-partner….They wondered if it was an indication that I am still holding out hope to get back together or I am not over them or whatnot. I said no, I just really haven’t had the time to deal with it considering grad school and blah blah blah….

But since they said that, now all I can think of is the task. My eyes go to the pictures of them immediately as I walk by my framed pictures and mosaics…. It’s a pain in the ass. It requires an emotional dissonance and dissociation I am not totally prepared for and yet, I know it needs to be done.

It’s not like I am doing anything better today.

Facebook and Pinterest and homework and the last episode of Spartacus can wait I suppose.

I hate endings.

But I love beginnings. It’s a balance I suppose.