Tag Archives: books

Shut up and experience.

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Shut up and experience.

Overall, I have so much to be grateful for; specifically right now.

I am telling you, this singing to the Universe is working. I should give lessons.

Yes, of course I would love more money so I wasn’t always sooo breaking even but hey! I’m fucking breaking even. I have a job, I am healthy, the people I love are healthy, the music has come back into my world, I am able to have magical experiences, and I am becoming myself again. I have had the blessing of a muse in one form or another for the last few months… and I have written more in the last 3 months than I have in years.

I might even finish this damn book: Exorcising the demons is another title for it I am considering… maybe that shall be the working title. HA

All in all, magic surrounds me.

I am staying conscious and present of not over-thinking, not questioning, not doubting… Not looking too closely and analyzing things…

“If you look too closely at the form, you miss the essence.” ~ Rumi

Just accepting what is and being okay with that while not putting myself in a position I do not want; yet not preventing myself from embracing things because I do not want to be vulnerable…

It’s a beautiful and precarious balance.

I don’t know exactly how to do it but….

Kissing helps.

xoxo

Jani

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What every teen girl should know about sex and the alleged men they are having it with….

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What every teen girl should know about sex and the alleged men they are having it with….

This is a first draft excerpt of something I am working on….

            As she walked down the sidewalk, barefoot and confused, she tried to put together the jumbled pieces of what the last few days had involved. Thoughts floated in and out of her consciousness, alternating between internal processing of the previous night and external concentration to avoid stepping on glass and goat heads in the gutter. Her feet were leathery tough from years of being barefoot, but it still took effort.

            Self-conscious, she tried to smooth down her long strawberry blond hair which probably hadn’t been brushed in a few of days. She was certain that the people in passing cars were staring at her, knowing all her deepest secrets simply by looking at her. Frustrated by her inability to recall simple details, she knew she had started out the day before with Laynie’s sunflower sandals. She was positive that she remembered taking them off in his mom’s room, but when she went back in there this morning to get them, they were no longer there.

            It was all pretty overwhelming; trying to put memories in sequence after having only just slept a few hours after not sleeping in several days. The first thing she could remember definitively from this last episode was Laynie taking her to the mall to lift some new Mossimo clothes, then flagging down two boys named Shawn and Brody in the parking lot…..but it started much longer ago than that; it had really started the morning she began working at the Western Inn.  That was the first time that she met Katie Kizer.

            Katie Kizer was a pretty girl with a chip on her shoulder you couldn’t see because of her beautiful and thick black hair. She had moved to Belnesse from Portland, Oregon and Lila was immediately taken with her. Katie had stories that made fifteen year old Lila’s small town adventures of sex and drug use seem very pedestrian…. 

To be continued….

Oh, what a little wannabe Sylvia Plath I was….

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Oh, what a little wannabe Sylvia Plath I was….

I was looking for something that I wrote many moons ago and I came across these dramatic tragedies. You are welcome. I was a very passionate 13 year old. hahahahaah

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“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.” ~ Alice

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“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.” ~ Alice

I feel like I should have so much to write about the last week seeing as it has been my spring break, but I really have been struggling. I went to Wicked and it was magic. I saw The Hunger Games and it was pretty badass. I had a nearly 4 hour conversation with my baby daddy and it was civil and comfortable and nice even. The girl child left on a plane for her spring break, all alone (she is so brave…) and the boy child went on a 3 generational road trip with only men to meet a 4th generation. I got a new neighbor whom I anticipate being fraking fantastic. I found a new shortcut from my house to the redbox and my favorite grocery-like store. I read three books. All my textbooks came before my quarter starts tomorrow. I’ve had the house all to myself, all weekend. I slept till 10 this morning. I braved the panic-inducing store with the happy face logo to buy crap tons of soil and moss (irony right?) so I can plant my new herbs and replant my houseplants. I got to watch everything I wanted to watch last night without anyone complaining.

But truly, the most compelling thing I want to tell you voyeuristic pawns of my narcissistic needs is this:

I had an avocado for breakfast and seriously spent 5 minutes trying to figure out where the seed from the OTHER side went. yes. Are you freaking kidding me? I fished the garbage disposal. I looked in the trash. I was seriously confused because I could only find one pit from my ONE avocado. It was then I realized I needed coffee. Stat. I wish this was an April Fools joke. Sadly, it is not.

Avocado: 1

Jani’s brain cells: 0

Top Five Reasons my husband loves me (based upon yesterday only)

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Top Five Reasons my husband loves me (based upon yesterday only)

I am going to brag about myself for a minute. Bare with me. I need it.

  1. I took control of the entire planning of yesterday’s festivities and paid.
  2. I took him to eat here: Blitz Pearl
  3. Then we went and wandered here: Powell’s
  4. Then we went drinking and playing here (Utopia of PINBALL): Ground Kontrol
  5. Then I kicked his ASS at shuffleboard here: Dublin Down

That is all. Be jealous geeks.

 

Time on my hands….

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So the kids are gone and hubby is of course working. I have all this time on my hands the next two weeks and while I will be working too, my sporadic part-time hours are not nearly as fulfilling when there is nothing but a neurotic dog to come home to…In another life I would be volunteering at a.l.p.h.a. and going to Christmas parties, but I can’t do that here because I have to wait for the Cascade AIDS Project volunteering until I start my practicum. Sigh. So I have decided to make a list of the things I could but more than likely won’t get around to doing with all my free time before I go into full on working student mom wife mode in January:

1. Use the really expensive gym membership we pay for that I have used 4 times since June and hubby has used 0. Yay for wasted resources!

2. Alphabetize the 8947504750340534 books on my shelves that when I unpacked I put into subjects and genres and swore I’d alphabetize later.

3. Write poetry (haven’t done that in like a year)

4. Play my guitar (haven’t done that in like a year)

5. Finish my Sookie Stackhouse novels, that just really aren’t as good now that I have seen the bastardized tv show (comparatively speaking, however last night I was watching “How to make an american quilt” which I haven’t seen in 15 years and realized Sophia, the mermaid character is GRAN! She has ALWAYS been old and looked exactly the same. Magic.)

I digress.

6. Clean out my son’s closet. I may need a hazmat team to do that.

7. Reorganize my clothes….I really have too many and find myself wearing the same 6 things constantly.

8. Start using my yoga dvds again.

9. Go ride the train and people watch.

10. Go to a show in Portland.

11. Take the books back to the library that are a good month overdue. Oops.

12. Sleep. Alot.

13. Finish the project I have for my 1st anniversary. Meh. Maybe this one might get done. Maybe.

14. Take the dry cleaner bag to the dry cleaner *GASP*

15. Take the large blankets from the garage to the laundry mat.

16. Go walk around and look in store front windows and create my fantasy wardrobe and house with home furnishings….

17. Actually go to one of the things the Mormon missionaries keep inviting me too, I just would feel like such a fraud and if I am theologically wrong, by going the church may fall on my head.

18. Go Christmas caroling. Ironically.

19. Get drunk.

20. Get drunk and go Christmas caroling…Drunkenly.

Hmmm. I bet there are lots more things I could do…..Most likely I will just end up at Starbucks, the dog park and here in the inter-webs….I’m so lame. LOL