Tag Archives: Sarah McLachlan

How could I forget?

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How could I forget?

How much I love(d) Sarah McLachlan… whilst listening a soul sucking mean social media music provider, this song came on: Drawn to the rhythm and afterward I fell in a rabbit hole. The second CD that I ever bought was ‘fumbling towards ecstasy’. I think I was 13 or 14 and I spent the next few months with it on repeat constantly. I really felt connected to the words/songs and thought that they meant one thing, and I suppose then it did. I listened to the entire album today. I found myself instantly reconnecting. It was like visiting an old friend, one that you held secrets with and wax nostalgic but realize how much you’ve both changed. You realize with age and hindsight your previous way of understanding things are no longer the reality. 

To you at least, everything has changed and you have a hard time remembering what made you love them before, because you didn’t even know then, the things that make you love them now. Ha. Perhaps this doesn’t make anymore sense in written form than it did outloud, but in my mind it was quite a profound thought to me. 

Which led me to the train of thought about sharing things with friends or people you consider to wise, as you respect and value what they think and say. I’ve been having some pretty big contemplations as I’m want to do, as soon as things slow down, become complacent, comfortable (usually during the winter). I started thinking about the people that I would talk to then, and now, and the differences in how I would make decisions based upon what they would say. For example, I need to make a couple big decisions in the very near future and if I asked ten of my “go to people” (ha, ten is a stretch of people I would talk to about things) and how I could anticipate the ten, very different opinions they would give. They would be based on who they are, what they know about me, what they know about the situations, where they are in their own moods, lives, development, maturity, what they could have to gain or lose based on the outcome of the decision, etc. etc. etc.

And like the lyrics and meanings of songs, it’s all up to the listener’s present, their parallels to draw, their position to filter through. 

So how does one make a decision about big things? Do you meditate? Ask your parent? What if that’s not an option? Peers? Siblings? Bosses? Therapist? TAROT for goddess’s sake? (Which again, is just like the lyrics… concrete definitions are applied to the words which communicate the meaning of the song but what is heard and inferred, well… that’s on the listener.)

Who knows. Maybe I just think too much. Just watch the lovely Sarah not trying to guilt you into gifting to the ASPCA. Isn’t she beautiful? Ughhh it kills me. 


Lions, Lambs, and Rabbits…..

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Lions, Lambs, and Rabbits…..

Devour or be devoured, I suppose….

Appreciate and reciprocate….

I believe in Energy.

I believe that all the energy that ever was or will be is already here.

I believe it can be stolen, given, shared, transferred, manipulated and controlled.

I believe that it is cyclic.

I believe that dark isn’t always a negative and light isn’t always a positive.

I believe that you need good and bad and that both terms are relative.

I believe that people need to name it.

I believe it is, but is not conscious.

I believe everything you ever need to know can be learned from the ocean…

When the tide goes out, you can be confused about whether you are sad that it is leaving or happy that it is leaving….

But the tide, it always comes back…

And you never know what is under the water, in the tide pools, on the rocks, until the tide retreats…

The full moon sheds light on the beach, just as much as the sun does;

While treasures wash up on the beach, so does trash and dead things;

“And I threw bitter tears at the ocean but all that came back was the tide…”

I believe in love.

“”true” love is about the extending of one’s ego boundaries to include another, and about the spiritual nurturing of another, in short, love is effort.”-M. Scott Peck

“This is a gift, it comes with a price;
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight”

Warning! Solicitation for a good cause forthcoming:

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Warning! Solicitation for a good cause forthcoming:

I am participating again in the Cascade AIDS Project: AIDS Walk Portland on September 23, 2012. This year I am organizing my school’s team of walkers, something I am very proud to be able to do!

Personally, I walk because it gives me a chance to feel as though I am actually making a difference, even if it is only in one life, in one day. I personally love being able to fill the gaps in knowledge for teens and adults for that matter, in what HIV/AIDS is, how it is and IS NOT transmitted, that anyone can be affected and how it’s no longer a death sentence. Sharing that knowledge with people has given me more intrinsic rewards than anything I have ever done in my career.

I walk for my children. Working with HIV/AIDS populations have provided me an opportunity to model respect and the power of being informed to my children while also providing them the opportunity to be exposed to such a diverse group of individuals. My children have been set on a path of health and personal responsibility and that is something I can never replace.

I walk for my best friend, my friends and others like them living with HIV or AIDS. I can’t walk in their shoes, but I can damn sure walk for them.

Today, you can sponsor me here: http://www.aidswalkportland.org/cap/participantpage.asp?uid=7311&fundid=3069

If all of my followers donated just one dollar to sponsor me, I would meet my goal. If you donate more than a dollar, you are a rock star. Anything helps! The Cascade AIDS Project does amazing things.

And for this one dollar, I didn’t show you any starving children or mistreated animals. That is worth a dollar isn’t it?

Don’t make me break out the Sarah McLachlan….I’ll do it.

Shake it out…..

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The entire album “Ceremonials” by Florence and the Machine has stirred whatever part of my soul is driven and inspired by hauntingly sad yet, brilliant and ethereal red haired women….

It’s been a life long passion from John William Waterhouse paintings to Tori Amos, Annie Lennox, Stevie Nicks (occasionally redheaded in real life, always redheaded in my mind) Sarah McLachlan, to the Kalis and Barbaras and all the other Celtic goddesses in my mind’s eye…oy …..Just make sure you buy the Deluxe version…you get 4 extra songs and they are worth it…

http://www.amazon.com/Ceremonials-Florence-Machine/dp/B005QI4TP8

“No light, No light” describes me in a relationship toward the end.

“Remain nameless” makes my heart pound and requires listening with bass capable speakers

“Leave my body” describes my desired higher self…

Really, the whole damn album is freaking magical and could have been autobiographical.

The following song has permeated my soul as of late….

Shake it out

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I’m always dragging that horse around

All of his questions, such a mournful sound

Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues drawn

But it’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

And given half the chance would I take any of it back

It’s a final mess but it’s left me so empty

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Oh woah, oh woah…

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t

So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope

It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat

Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah