Tag Archives: sylvia plath

I am….I am….I am….

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I am….I am….I am….

Every time I have ever doubted; every time I have ever wondered if what was happening or happened in my singular, seemingly meaningless life had a purpose and questioned every decision I make, I am reminded that it all works out.

It all has meaning.

It all is what it is.

I have recently made decisions that make me question myself in the wee hours of the night, was this the right choice, was that the right action, should I have said this, revealed this….

And the Universe responds with a resounding “YES.”

It’s nice.

I really, really like my job; despite it not being what I had envisioned doing.

In addition to really, really liking my new non-social work job; I really, really like my co-workers despite the apprehension I felt upon meeting them and the nervousness I felt just sitting next to them taking a 3 hour test.

There is nothing wrong with the fact that I get a long best with military, law enforcement, and/or firemen. They aren’t all the same. It’s true. It’s just who I get and who get me and who I seem to attract into my world… Which leads me to the next epiphany:

I like being alone, except when I don’t :)… In which case I have friends again that can fill that void willingly, without any sort of romantic enmeshment.

Speaking of that *Mercury retrograde aside* I can totally have male friends again without eventually thinking they are “the one.”

I AM THE ONE.

Ergo; I can live totally independently again/still, despite what I may have been led to believe by weaker others in recent years.

I kinda fucking kick ass. ‘Tis true.

I am the muthatrucking queen of making lemonade out of bitter ass lemons.

*The secret is in the vodka 😉

Huzzah, muthatruckas.

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.” 
― Sylvia Plath

Another throwback: Kumquat

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I was talking to your mom the other day

She called me her “little kumquat”

Like it had only been a week since we talked

Not 12 years since she last called me her kumquat

And tried to talk me into taking you to Alaska with me:

Maybe I should have, ha

She was always the woman I wanted to be

Strong and powerful, a female Robert Plant,

Oozing sensuality and a wiseness beyond years…

I think she was probably my first girl crush

I used to think her and my dad would be so perfect

But then you and I would have been weird, ha

Such a stark contrast to my own mother:

Always weak and needing a man to fix everything.

Your mom represented everything feminist I wanted

Looking at her now, I suppose I always saw

What it was I needed to see, needed to emulate

It has taken some time and some men and some women

But I think I have it finally figured out, ha

A tall Celtic goddess in my mind,

The Lady Lazarus I pictured:

She is still the wise woman archetype in my dreams,

Imparting wisdom I must already know.

She shed light on how my son is like her own,

Yet still different.

No, I guess she doesn’t envy me.

But I guess I still envy her, ha.