Tag Archives: thoughts are things

Kicking my own ass

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Kicking my own ass

I find myself struggling at times to keep my head out of my head; I try very hard to stay present and in the moment so that I enjoy things without over-thinking them, diminishing them, or writing them off as hormonally/chemically influenced experiences. When you think and feel something but aren’t sure if you should say them or not because of the weight they can carry, for instance…But there are also times when I give people advice about such things; from how thoughts are things and intention and energy and love and self image, etc…

I talk a good game but these things I advise others on are very hard for me to stay conscientious of myself from time to time. For example: Even at my heaviest, I thought I was hot. I carried that attitude and put off that energy and like a magical little glamour…others saw me that way too. And now, at my lightest in a few years, I find myself more critical of myself. I still think I am the kitty’s titties, but the older I get (and not terribly unrelated…the younger the collective THEY get) the more I compare myself to the THEM I think I am competing with. I know I am not, but it is still something I find myself doing.

How do you stop that?

I’m not a typically insecure person. In fact, often the opposite. I generally find myself feeling like a judgmental schmuck because I probably do think I am smarter and hotter than most. HA.

But social media (usually Facebook) really makes me feel less than.

It’s like a commercial bombardment of peers and celebrities and things I wish I was all the time… and you know what others think about them thanks to the fucking little ticker on the side. Ugh.

I just want to shut it off again.

But then I would go nuts wondering what was going on and what was being said etc.

Not to mention the lameness of my “friends” who don’t contact you unless you are on Facebook. Boo.

I miss the 90’s. Fuck this shit.

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Scales

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Scales

I am still riding high on this magical journey of intention…. I think I may have figured it out…  If you missed the post of which I am referring; basically I stated that I stopped focusing on the things that I wanted to avoid and started focusing on what I wanted instead…. I sang to the universe and it has responded in kind:

Within the last week:

I had a reiki treatment to help me let go of bitterness, remain present and open myself to opportunities….then:

I had the last man I let break my heart tell me that he never really loved me and now that he has met his “soul mate,” got clean, and yet, simultaneously medicated and found “Jesus” that he wants to be friends; and apologized for never giving me the experience he is giving her. *GAG*

Ouch. Yeah. No thanks. Kudos for doing everything you are doing right but……NO>

I also posted my yearly whoroscope….. a few weeks ago; which was insanely accurate and gave me this beauty:

“You tend to fall in love with those you need to help, educate or save in some way. In 2013, you’re adding the requirement of long-term stability to the mix. Your standards for a serious partner are more rooted in loyalty and consistency than ever before. You want staying power, which means giving up the unobtainable relationship pattern. The part of you that’s drawn to the projected ideal of a person is being replaced with a serious reality check, compliments of Saturn in Scorpio. Intimacy is now what you crave, and that requires stability, reliability and trust. Such character traits need to be shown to you in the real world from now on. No longer will you fall in love with someone’s potential. You’ve been burned too many times trying to play the role of the wounded healer, Pisces.”

Well no more.

No means no, frat boy.

As you can see, I am trying to steer clear of patterns….try something different….

THENNNNN also this week:

I reiterated my desire to have someone look at me like Lindsey looked at Stevie….

Something like this, right around 2 minutes eighteen seconds in…. she’s doing her thing and he is so fucking in love with her for that moment:

And BOOM:

Someone looked at me like that, if only for a moment.

Thoughts are things, my friends, thoughts.are.things.

The universe balances the scales if you stay out of your own way.

XOXO

Jani

And just because this is good shit…. here is some more delicious vintage Stevie….listen till the end…. this is how the song is supposed to end.

“Rulers make bad lovers….”