Tag Archives: burlesque

Ten things you never knew you needed to know about me.

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Ten things you never knew you needed to know about me.
  1. I will go 2 miles out of my way driving to finish listening to something on the radio.
  2. I think the Cure sucked after Disintegration.
  3. I make up burlesque routines in my head to songs often; but I will most likely never perform one IRL.
  4. I have a stack of coloring books and crayons that I use. (What?! Canvas is expensive, yo.)
  5. I hate Chuck Taylors. They hurt my feet. Always have.
  6. When I was young, I wanted to be Tiffany. (No really. Why do you think I started dyeing my hair dark red?)
  7. I fucking rock at crosswords (even the NYT) and I think doing crosswords together is romantic. New Capt. Kirk gets it.
  8. My second favorite Pearl Jam song is “Wishlist” and my favorite line from wishlist is “I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro’s hood.”
  9. If I had nuts, I would give my left one to go to the Saints vs. Seachickens game on Dec. 2nd, 2013; alas, I have none. Sadface. (Cassie? Yevett? Megan? I am looking at YOUUUUUUUUU)
  10. When I was 16 I flunked philosophy 101 at BSU. When I was 28, I got an A+ in philosophy 101, 102 and 201. Only F I ever got. Bothered me to no ends for years. I had to go big.

 

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The state of the world as I know it and random thoughts by Jani Handey

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The state of the world as I know it and random thoughts by Jani Handey
  1. Cartier makes beautiful commercials.
  2. Political issues worldwide and in Syria are going to make me unable to afford gas. I should fill up today.
  3. I am taking a waiver exam and hope it makes it so I don’t have to take stats again.
  4. I am applying for a magical internship and want it soooo bad.
  5. My arm is molting and I like it.
  6. I have an insatiable desire to shout “Ca-Cao” the next time I engage in coitus.
  7. I heart the big bang theory.
  8. My car is making an interesting noise in the front end driver’s side. I believe it may be a brake pad, but my super fab kids have suggested: rock in the caliper, hubcap rub, u-joint and bad brakes. They rock.
  9. Dru from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not nearly as beautiful as I remember, but Spike is. Also, I still get pumped every time I hear the theme song. 
  10. I bought a baby gate to keep my attachment disordered dog away from the door when we are trying to sleep and he learned how to jump over it. Bastard.
  11. I want my back to look like Christina Aquilera’s in “Burlesque.”
  12. I have my whole first routine figured out for when I am a Burlesque dancer, now I just need to get to a point I am comfortable doing it in front of people.
  13. I went to Lacey, Washington yesterday and I believe that I would like it there or Olympia better. Just saying.
  14. I am about to take finals for my first term at this new school and I feel good about it.
  15. I think that Jack White, Johnny Depp and I could have made sweet music and babies together.
  16. There are 3 places open on my culdesac and only one set of less than lovely neighbors. I hope we get 3 good households, not more partiers. Especially since one of them will be right next to moi.
  17. Working out with Tracy Anderson videos makes me feel like a seizing hippo ballerina.
  18. Earthquake in San Fran area…precursor?

I guess that’s all. Carry on. Wish me luck. Happy thoughts!

Burlesque Freakshow

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Went to a pretty magical Burlesque last night.

Acrobatics, cellos, crossdressers, traditional tattooed ladies with stripteases, bearded women, little people, bears, etc.

Scariest and most attractive bellydancer ever.

Magic.

Till the end.

Then they started soliciting for people to staple money to the little person.

“When ever in your life will you again have the chance to staple 20s to a DWARF!”

WTF

seriously?

Did they see this on Jackass or some bullshit? It can’t be real.

I only watched for a few minutes, thinking there must be a catch or a trick to it. Plus I was waiting for the raffle.

Nope. It was real. Somehow, they decided wiping down the bills with alcohol swabs made it sanitary. Even though there was blood on the stapler. His back, side, head, everywhere that they stapled him. i do not even want to go into the Blood-borne Pathogens talk. 10 dollars, he picks where you staple it; for 20, you pick. Anything but face and genitals. Wow. So sad. I am sure this is only the beginning of the kind of depraved things marginalized people in freak shows did 100 years ago. But this is now. Are we really this fucked up?

My date left, disgusted.

I felt guilty for staying.

But an observation: the only ones that actually wanted to staple him, were 25-35 year old drunk white guys.

He got more money though, from women of all ages that patted him and apologized, as they put money in his g-string.

I won the $100 tattoo gift certificate.

But I think it cost me more from my soul to stay for the drawing.

😦

 

Oh Santa….If’n you was wondering what to get me…..

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I have recently become obsessed with scarves. I don’t know if it is a progression from my cheesecake pinup dress obsession which led into throat scarves or if its living in the pacific NW that has done it, but either way, its here. So upon dressing this morning, I realized that I don’t have any to match a particular outfit so please buy me any of these:

Peacock Blue

Or if that’s not to your liking, I really want this book:

My mother she killed me…..

or there is always my intense yearning for this:

Ying Yang

and

Mexican Butterfly

Or my craving for these since I don’t a sewing machine anymore:

Size 14 please and I prefer polka dots and hairpieces!

Oh Oh Oh! I am down to the wire in needing this too:

Goldie (light)

or

Theda (dark)

And to get you in the spirit of buying me things, dearies, I leave you with this:

Santa, Baby….