Tag Archives: Stevie Nicks

Faith

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Faith

I’d like to say I’m like Stevie;

“I have no fear and only love…”

But I’d be a liar.

I fear I’m not good enough for you.

I’m afraid I don’t deserve you

Or your grace

Or your love.

And then I hear your voice.

It all melts away.

Everything is clear

And everything makes sense.

All of my decisions made from ignorance,

All of my choices made from desperation…

I pray to sustain the connection

and lose all of my doubt.

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Whoroscopias

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Whoroscopias

Sometimes I really really love Rob Brezsny’s horoscopes 🙂 check them out: http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/

 

I needed this one this week.

 

A. Because I need a muthatruckin J-O-B and;

B. I do have someone that looks at me like Lindsey looked at Stevie sooooo…. intention is magic.

 

Pisces (February 19-March 20)
“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic,” says the poet Marty McConnell. That’s good advice, Pisces — not just in regards to your intimate relationships, but about all your other alliances, too. If you’re seeking a friend or consultant or business partner or jogging companion or new pet, show a preference for those creatures who look at you like maybe you are magic. You always need to be appreciated for the sweet mystery and catalytic mojo you bring to your partnerships, but you especially need that acknowledgment now. “

Scales

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Scales

I am still riding high on this magical journey of intention…. I think I may have figured it out…  If you missed the post of which I am referring; basically I stated that I stopped focusing on the things that I wanted to avoid and started focusing on what I wanted instead…. I sang to the universe and it has responded in kind:

Within the last week:

I had a reiki treatment to help me let go of bitterness, remain present and open myself to opportunities….then:

I had the last man I let break my heart tell me that he never really loved me and now that he has met his “soul mate,” got clean, and yet, simultaneously medicated and found “Jesus” that he wants to be friends; and apologized for never giving me the experience he is giving her. *GAG*

Ouch. Yeah. No thanks. Kudos for doing everything you are doing right but……NO>

I also posted my yearly whoroscope….. a few weeks ago; which was insanely accurate and gave me this beauty:

“You tend to fall in love with those you need to help, educate or save in some way. In 2013, you’re adding the requirement of long-term stability to the mix. Your standards for a serious partner are more rooted in loyalty and consistency than ever before. You want staying power, which means giving up the unobtainable relationship pattern. The part of you that’s drawn to the projected ideal of a person is being replaced with a serious reality check, compliments of Saturn in Scorpio. Intimacy is now what you crave, and that requires stability, reliability and trust. Such character traits need to be shown to you in the real world from now on. No longer will you fall in love with someone’s potential. You’ve been burned too many times trying to play the role of the wounded healer, Pisces.”

Well no more.

No means no, frat boy.

As you can see, I am trying to steer clear of patterns….try something different….

THENNNNN also this week:

I reiterated my desire to have someone look at me like Lindsey looked at Stevie….

Something like this, right around 2 minutes eighteen seconds in…. she’s doing her thing and he is so fucking in love with her for that moment:

And BOOM:

Someone looked at me like that, if only for a moment.

Thoughts are things, my friends, thoughts.are.things.

The universe balances the scales if you stay out of your own way.

XOXO

Jani

And just because this is good shit…. here is some more delicious vintage Stevie….listen till the end…. this is how the song is supposed to end.

“Rulers make bad lovers….”

What it is supposed to look like:

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What it is supposed to look like:

It was never Disney.

It was never my parents.

It was never, well…mostly never movies….damn you the notebook!….

THIS is the standard I have always sought to attain:

Particularly around 2:30-2:45…..

Yes.

That is the good stuff.

Too bad we know how the story ends.

C’est La Vie.

But for what it is worth, Lindsey Buckingham is by far one of the most underrated guitarists ever….*swoon*

What do I have to say about anything, really.

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What do I have to say about anything, really.

I have been struggling the last month or so to find something meaningful to write about. I have written a couple of poems, reposted a couple of blogs and given some sort of something every few days, but nothing of substance. I find myself very introspective these days and trying to weed out what is appropriate to write about and what isn’t is particularly difficult for me as this isn’t an anonymous blog. Many thoughts I would like to share are probably not appropriate in a

“Before you speak, think -Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?” ~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba

kinda way, however taking into account Mr. Ruiz’s 3rd agreement*, I can’t assume that, so here goes. 

I am working a job that makes me feel very humbled. I am happy to finally have a job, but at the same time often angry about it. I have become a job snob and many times feel that this job is below me. Now, before you hate on me, understand this. This is a job I have done before and for many years. BUT it is also a job that I have spent nearly $100,000 dollars to prevent myself from having to work and look how that has turned out. I’m angry.

Above and beyond that, I took this job and have turned down several interviews that may have been “better” jobs but I was under the impression this job was something different, would provide insurance and more hours. As it sits, I have only been scheduled 8-14 hours a week and on really shitty days. I am the FNG and it shows. Yay me.

My relationship is in the f**king crapper which I am sure is no surprise to anyone who knows me. I am just not relationship material. I cling to things and people even after I have outgrown them or something. I always hope people will grow with me, but it seems I always grow away from people. I have not mastered this magically ability to foster and nurture myself while supporting others; I seem to foster and nurture them until I am so withered I retreat into myself only to find myself distanced and resentful of the other party who feels entirely neglected and uncared for. I don’t know how to romantically love someone else and myself at the same time in a healthy way. One of us is neglected. And being sad makes me angry.

I feel like the Hulk.

Only less productive.

I try so hard to find the light, I always have and until recently, the last year or so I have been really good at focusing, reevaluating and changing directions to make something work. But I don’t know if my soul is tired, my give a shit too strained or if I am simply getting too old to deal with the drama, but I am over it.

Instead of putting on a happy face and looking for the lesson, the opportunities, the reason things are the way they are and having faith that they will work out and staying in the moment, I just feel like given the world a great big

And that is just so not like me.

I play tough.

I seem smart and evolved.

I could even convince you that I am some sort of indigo child that is misunderstood and anachronistic.

But really I am just fucked up.

And sick of everything.

See why I haven’t been writing?

Oy.

“In a web that is my own, I begin again…..”

 

 

Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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 So without boring you with all the sordid, scandalous details, my dear sweet hubby has been a real schmuck lately. For at least the last month or so. Maybe since Christmas even 🙂 Valentine’s wasn’t the best, my birthday had its moments. He did however buy me a bazillion dollars worth of couture shoes and a fancy dress off of my “never gonna get any of this stuff” wish list, so he got SOME brownie points; last night however, got him off the hook for quite a while.

This is how my evening went:

I was at school all evening and received a text stating I needed to call him when I got to my park and ride location and not to ask questions. So I did that. I got home and once in my driveway noticed a note in a ziplock bag hanging on the garage door (to keep it dry of course, it rains here all the blessed time).

I called to let him know I was here to which he replied, “Stay in your car, I will call you when you can come in.” I asked if I should get the note or not and he said “NO stay in your car and I will call you when you can get it…”

I can follow instructions so I did that…

He called and advised me I could come in. I got the note:

So I did as it said, came in, to see our house immaculate, lit with no less than 20 deliciously scented candles and fragrant star-gazer lilies; my husband was standing near the dining room table dressed to the nines gesturing me up the stairs and Stevie Nicks “Belladonna” was playing on the record player.

I went upstairs to find my magical new dress, shoes, another note (that you will not be seeing ;)) and my bedroom alit with candles, lavender and fancy stones spread about.

I wondered where the dog and kids were, but only for a moment; I came to learn (the Girl Child had to zip my dress) that they were all in on it, the Boy Child had the dog in quarantine, the Girl Child was pretending to be asleep.

I went downstairs and danced with my husband in my fancy shoes.

We ate a most delicious Italian tiramisu/trifle like dish he prepared all by himself from scratch that was layered with chocolate cake, pudding, whip cream, kahlua and toffee with hand shaved chocolate curls…

Paired with the most expensive, delicious, well researched Port I have ever had the pleasure of putting on my tongue:

Then we played a game of cribbage all dressed to the nines, drinking wine by candle light. I won. (It may not sound romantic, but it’s how we roll)

Then he switched the record to:

Side 2 😉

Things got a little hotter. And I opted for my spa/massage treatment. The rest of the night is mine, you voyeuristic freaks.

But I can say with all certainty, the massage had a happy ending.

SO. Here’s the moral of the story, Significant Others…

If you are gonna be a schmuck and try to make up for it with expensive trinkets, you better arrange a time for them to be worn or used and pair it with wine and flowers and music and dancing and food and candles and massage and letting the other person win. Romance helps more than the stuff. Just sayin.

Good luck, Schmucks.

Good job, Husband. You get to stick around for a while longer 🙂

Shake it out…..

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The entire album “Ceremonials” by Florence and the Machine has stirred whatever part of my soul is driven and inspired by hauntingly sad yet, brilliant and ethereal red haired women….

It’s been a life long passion from John William Waterhouse paintings to Tori Amos, Annie Lennox, Stevie Nicks (occasionally redheaded in real life, always redheaded in my mind) Sarah McLachlan, to the Kalis and Barbaras and all the other Celtic goddesses in my mind’s eye…oy …..Just make sure you buy the Deluxe version…you get 4 extra songs and they are worth it…

http://www.amazon.com/Ceremonials-Florence-Machine/dp/B005QI4TP8

“No light, No light” describes me in a relationship toward the end.

“Remain nameless” makes my heart pound and requires listening with bass capable speakers

“Leave my body” describes my desired higher self…

Really, the whole damn album is freaking magical and could have been autobiographical.

The following song has permeated my soul as of late….

Shake it out

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I’m always dragging that horse around

All of his questions, such a mournful sound

Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues drawn

But it’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah

And given half the chance would I take any of it back

It’s a final mess but it’s left me so empty

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Oh woah, oh woah…

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t

So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope

It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat

Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh woah