An open letter to the appearingly 45 year old man on the Max with his pants LITERALLY sagged to his knees:

Dear Apparently 45ish year old Sagger on the Max:

I really wanted to ask you why you wear your pants this way. It seems to me that it would be very hard to walk that way. I watched you for about 20 minutes, pacing up and down the train and I have to say, you are doing it wrong. You didn’t even hitch as I believe is the custom while you walked. That takes pure talent. I can only assume you practice at home walking back and forth with a hula hoop spinning round your knees.

My husband told me that the fad of sagging began as a way to signal to others in prison that men were interested in engaging in homosexual sex. I had never heard this so I investigated it. It is indeed a rumor, probably started as a way hurt some population, be it “on the down low black males” or LGBTQ populations in general, but it’s not true. My point in bringing up this terrible lie is to tell you that it would appear this is an accepted fallacy in the US, did you know? Do you know that some people probably think this when they see you?

The fad itself did actually begin in prison it seems, because of the ill-fitting garments provided as clothing. So there is that I suppose. Perhaps you have been in prison?

Another common misconception is that it is not a fashion statement at all or even part of a culture, that it simply allows the wearer to conceal weapons. Now, I have no idea where you could possibly hide a weapon other than your sock, since I can see everything else but just FYI. This is what people may think. Is that your intention?

Or to make people scared?

To make people wonder about your sexual orientation?

To make people assume you have been in prison?

Is it simply the way you emulate your idols from the early days of hip hop?

I don’t know.

I don’t know how it could be seen as attractive, but we all are attracted to different things I suppose. I happen to think baggy pants look good on some men. But what you were wearing is not baggy. In fact, I believe your pants belonged on some much shorter person because they were barely gathered at the bottom. I doubt if you pulled them up to your waist they would have even fit your legs. They would have been high waters, as we hicks call them. Heh.

I also imagined that you have children. A whole bunch of little saggers. That made me chuckle out loud and you looked at me. That made me nervous.

I really don’t get it. Perhaps I am just really out of touch with fashion. I have been accused of worse.

Speaking of which, I should note for the record and to some of my readers who may assume that I am speaking about a black man; I am not. You my friend, appeared quite white. But that has no bearing on my questioning of your fashion choice. I just wonder about the reasons for the choice vs the practicality of the choice.

Have a nice day and please don’t trip. (I honestly had horrible and intruding worries for you after you got off the Max, that you would trip in front of the train.)

Curious in Vancouver,

Jani

Snow Schmow, have you checked your muffler bearings this winter?

I can not believe how people react here from the “threat” of snow. Seriously? You guys are closing 3/4 of the schools for a TRACE of snow? OMG

Dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus. Save us from the Yuppies with Subarus.

Where I grew up, we drove through drifts that would touch the side mirrors to get to school.

In the school buses.

In our cars.

In our trucks.

We did brodies in the parking lots and learned to appreciate a good E-brake pull.

Girls drove trucks.

EVERYONE learned to drive stick.

And this isn’t one of those, “I walked to school uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow, 87 miles everyday” type of stories. I’m from McCall.  Google that shit. In all reality, I think we had a snow day 2x the whole time I went there and 1x when my kids went.

Snow day in PDX? Pssh, forget about it.

This is not snow.

This is slightly frozen rain.

You guys are weenies.

Commuters are even bigger weenies. A 1 hour commute becomes almost 3 hours because the road is wet.

Uh, this is the Pacific Northwest. Are you really scared of wet roads? Serious?

If I woke up tomorrow and there was 3 feet, ok then. Close the schools and I won’t go anywhere either because you Pacific NWers can’t drive for shit.

Four wheel drive does not mean four wheel stop.

Automatics are not better because they may be all wheel drive or even front wheel drive. A real snow driver wants a stick so if you do end up stuck, you can rock that bitch out of most anywhere.

I digress.

And for those of you stocking up at the store, making me stand in line 45 minutes for my damn creamer and whiskey, don’t forget to buy some tire chains. You will need them, there is a chance of 2 inches of snow. OH! And you might need to check your muffler bearings. And your blinker fluid. Goddess knows you don’t want to be stuck in a snow bank without blinker fluid, how will your GPS work!

*Eyeroll*

Call me when global warming starts.

Public Safety and the college life

So the university that I go to has approximately 50 buildings including parking structures. I have received 3 emails from Campus safety in the last 3 weeks describing basic safety techniques and procedures because of the sexual assaults and other assaults they have had in 2 buildings. For example:

This email is to advise you that the *** Campus Public Safety Office is investigating an assault that occurred on Thursday, January 12, 2012 at approximately 8:30pm on the sidewalk near *******. The Campus Public Safety Office became aware of this report via an email that was received on Friday, Jan 13, 2012 at 10:00pm. The victim reported that she was grabbed by the arm and wrist and was able to break free after striking the suspect. During this brief encounter the victim was unable to provide a description of the suspect.
As a reminder, please be vigilant and aware of your surroundings on and off campus and call 911 or the Campus Public Safety Office at ******* if you observe suspicious behavior or if you have any concerns about your personal safety. Additional information and updates about this incident will be available on the *** Campus Public Safety website ***********.
Support services from the Women’s Resource Center and Student Health and Counseling Services are available for anyone impacted by violence. If you have any nonemergency 
concerns regarding safety issues at ******, please contact the Campus Public Safety Office at *********.

Which two buildings did these incidents happen in you say?

The two buildings I attend class in at night. Rock out with your c**k out.

YES!

I love school.

I love riding public transportation.

I am becoming less liberal everyday.

That is all.

Father says no hate crime….What do we think?

I have friends who are saying “all violence is a hate crime” and “hate is a violent crime” and ……. every way to say it. I agree to a point, but often find myself looking at things in the frame of statute and prosecutability if I may coin a term…

I also try and relate this to what I am reading about “Race Socialization Theory.”

Meh, I digressed.

The Oregonian published an article now with more information about the actual crime and how it was perceived by the victim and the victim’s family; apparently there was a bit more to the story than we initially were told (isn’t there always?) but read the article and let me know, do you think it had anything to do with race?

http://blog.oregonlive.com/commuting/2012/01/max_beating_was_ugly_but_the_r.html

Crime begats crime begats crime begats crime. Atleast it is already illegal. Hate crimes apparently are only one directional.

From what I have read on various channels and outlets, I believe this should be a hate crime. But like good ol’Dubya’s cronies say, “crime is already illegal.” As long as they are charged and convicted. Whatever. Not going to solve any real problems but perhaps give these young girls a future deterrent. Probably not. Look at their mother. I found some of the comments on this article to be pretty interesting…One relays how the mother is not cooperative with police because her son was killed in old town and the murderer never found; another states that perhaps it was because the murderer’s mother hid them. Touché.

http://www.columbian.com/news/2012/jan/12/three-girls-arrested-portland-max-attack/

What the hell! Seriously? You all just gonna stand there and watch?

So I have recently started using public transportation a lot, not just for nice little adventures into Portlandia, but for practical reasons. And because of where I live, and the fact that I am simultaneously poor and cheap, I have to get on in some pretty sketchy parts of town. I am really, really hoping that the sun for some ungoddessly reason starts staying up longer before the vernal equinox, cause I really hate walking alone in the dark between 8 and 10 pm, but whatever.

I digress.

Recently, there have been some really untoward happenings on the max in particular that freak me the eff out.

To begin with, the first night I rode it alone, I watched one girl get on with a baby in a stroller: her eyes rolling, her head nodding. The baby looked clean and well fed though. I decided I was being judgmental for my thoughts. The next stop though, apparently the “baby daddy” as she put it got on and she started screaming at him about smiling at her and not paying her child support, which he replied was cause she would buy drugs not formula, and she threatened to STAB him with the BABY. Awesome. Mom of the year.

Then this poor girl gets the crap beat out of her and NO ONE DID ANYTHING BUT FILM IT WITH THEIR PHONE. I saw the video before they took it down. Pretty disturbing:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45949624/ns/local_news-portland_or/t/disturbing-video-shows-portland-girl-attacked-max-train/#.Tw9SfW9rMbI

Then last night I missed the train I wanted. Lucky for me, or I would have been here when this happened:

http://www.koinlocal6.com/mostpopular/story/Teen-beaten-at-Rose-Quarter-MAX-platform/8uKI0FGGD0-LzFUrLh8pFA.cspx

Poor kid just had a wrestling meet, was crossing the street with ear buds in and heard someone holler, took them out, asked “What?” and promptly got as his ass beat and sent to the hospital in severe condition.

Are you f**king kidding me?

Now mind you, I was at the mall and several Trimet stations yesterday and commented on the amount of cops, security and Trimet guys on the trains and in the mall. Hoorah! You are being a presence. But uh, apparently, you guys missed this one above. So what gives? Blazers game seems to be a good time to have heavier security considering there is about 40-50 thousand people in the place at a time. I mean Jesus.

Anyway, as I put on my brave big city girl face and divert my eyes from the crazies in the hopes that I don’t have my ass kicked for no reason, I offer this: I have the most heinous streaming pepper spray in my hand the whole time I am on the train. Its law enforcement strength with glow in the dark/luminous stain and I am not afraid to spray myself or others to get you.

And to you “innocent bystanders” that may get some in the process? Too bad, you guys should have done something to help those other kids. Collateral damage I say.