Snow Schmow, have you checked your muffler bearings this winter?

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I can not believe how people react here from the “threat” of snow. Seriously? You guys are closing 3/4 of the schools for a TRACE of snow? OMG

Dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus. Save us from the Yuppies with Subarus.

Where I grew up, we drove through drifts that would touch the side mirrors to get to school.

In the school buses.

In our cars.

In our trucks.

We did brodies in the parking lots and learned to appreciate a good E-brake pull.

Girls drove trucks.

EVERYONE learned to drive stick.

And this isn’t one of those, “I walked to school uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow, 87 miles everyday” type of stories. I’m from McCall.  Google that shit. In all reality, I think we had a snow day 2x the whole time I went there and 1x when my kids went.

Snow day in PDX? Pssh, forget about it.

This is not snow.

This is slightly frozen rain.

You guys are weenies.

Commuters are even bigger weenies. A 1 hour commute becomes almost 3 hours because the road is wet.

Uh, this is the Pacific Northwest. Are you really scared of wet roads? Serious?

If I woke up tomorrow and there was 3 feet, ok then. Close the schools and I won’t go anywhere either because you Pacific NWers can’t drive for shit.

Four wheel drive does not mean four wheel stop.

Automatics are not better because they may be all wheel drive or even front wheel drive. A real snow driver wants a stick so if you do end up stuck, you can rock that bitch out of most anywhere.

I digress.

And for those of you stocking up at the store, making me stand in line 45 minutes for my damn creamer and whiskey, don’t forget to buy some tire chains. You will need them, there is a chance of 2 inches of snow. OH! And you might need to check your muffler bearings. And your blinker fluid. Goddess knows you don’t want to be stuck in a snow bank without blinker fluid, how will your GPS work!

*Eyeroll*

Call me when global warming starts.

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One response »

  1. You know, I think it’s this world as a whole that’s going down the crapper. I’ve lived in the same area all my life and people here are driving worse & worse in the snow. Hubby & I have a little joke when we come up behind a slow-poke on the road in the middle of summer. “You know, it just might be icy.”

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