Tag Archives: teenagers

What every teen girl should know about sex and the alleged men they are having it with….

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What every teen girl should know about sex and the alleged men they are having it with….

This is a first draft excerpt of something I am working on….

            As she walked down the sidewalk, barefoot and confused, she tried to put together the jumbled pieces of what the last few days had involved. Thoughts floated in and out of her consciousness, alternating between internal processing of the previous night and external concentration to avoid stepping on glass and goat heads in the gutter. Her feet were leathery tough from years of being barefoot, but it still took effort.

            Self-conscious, she tried to smooth down her long strawberry blond hair which probably hadn’t been brushed in a few of days. She was certain that the people in passing cars were staring at her, knowing all her deepest secrets simply by looking at her. Frustrated by her inability to recall simple details, she knew she had started out the day before with Laynie’s sunflower sandals. She was positive that she remembered taking them off in his mom’s room, but when she went back in there this morning to get them, they were no longer there.

            It was all pretty overwhelming; trying to put memories in sequence after having only just slept a few hours after not sleeping in several days. The first thing she could remember definitively from this last episode was Laynie taking her to the mall to lift some new Mossimo clothes, then flagging down two boys named Shawn and Brody in the parking lot…..but it started much longer ago than that; it had really started the morning she began working at the Western Inn.  That was the first time that she met Katie Kizer.

            Katie Kizer was a pretty girl with a chip on her shoulder you couldn’t see because of her beautiful and thick black hair. She had moved to Belnesse from Portland, Oregon and Lila was immediately taken with her. Katie had stories that made fifteen year old Lila’s small town adventures of sex and drug use seem very pedestrian…. 

To be continued….

Shattering patterns, one crisis at a time….

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Shattering patterns, one crisis at a time….

So you know that dumb cliché that your children are your karma for what you did as a child?

Payback is a bitch.

Today marked the third LARGE parenting crisis I have had to deal with in the 16 years I have been a parent. Oddly enough, all three of them have happened when my children were the same age as I was, when I experienced practically the same crisis.

It’s really freaking scary. I have made bad decisions as a romantic relationship role model, that is for sure. But as far as everything else: school, work, self-advocacy, critical thinking, self-esteem, encouraging uniqueness, supporting their choices, not being a blind follower, talking about sex, drugs, and unconditional love, etc….I rock that.  I couldn’t imagine having to deal with any of the things I experienced because I have prided myself on being such a “better” parent than I had. And I am a better parent, my toolbox is better stocked. My education is more complete. But better is a relative term, I suppose.

The main difference between my parenting and my childhood is that I have made it a point to do the absolute opposite of what my parents did; in these specific situations.

And it’s hard.

I panic.

I don’t know what a “normal” parent would do.

I don’t always know what the appropriate thing to do is.

I know what I would tell a client.

I know what I would tell a friend.

But they aren’t my kids.

They aren’t me.

They don’t have my experiences.

And therein lies the rub.

All I can do is hope I have interrupted a pattern. Hope that when it’s my children’s turn as parents, that they don’t experience these crises. If they do, I hope they handle it even better than I did.

The Girlchild is officially a Womanchild.

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The Girlchild is officially a Womanchild.

My Girlchild turned 13 recently and boy is she proving to be quite the little wise woman. We went on a mini-road trip this weekend and the Manchild went to a pal’s house after it, leaving she and I to amuse ourselves, and each other. We watched a movie, dyed her hair, cut her hair, got me a new outfit eventually for my impending interview(s), went yard sale-ing (which allowed me to check something off of my list of things I want to do from age nineteen…I bought a typewriter), etc.

But late at night, we talked. She asked questions about my previous life as a Girlchild which led to discussions around my previous life as a Childmother and my evolution out of that into Grownass Womanmother. In my infinite wisdom, I found it helpful to share journals that I have had for what feels like millenia. I wish I had my diaries from when I was her age, but I burned them in an act of rebellion against particular patriarchy. So what we have to work with is journals from age 19 on and poetry from age 12 on. It is a blessing, I never realized.

Mind you some passages involving her father we decided to skip as to not traumatize her 🙂 There are just some things you don’t want to think of your parents thinking.

I was even able to inspire her to start journaling in the hopes that she could share them with her own child or even me someday.

The most amazing part was the wisdom she shared with me at the end of the evening.

She told me, (slightly paraphrasing of course, as I didn’t transcribe her exactly…)

“You seem like you are always doing amazing things when you are single and then you get with these people and then you start trying to fix them, instead of fixing you and following your path. You always take care of other people instead of you. Why do you do that? Why don’t you just fix you and do the amazing things that you start when you don’t have men to fix?”

That is a good question, Womanchild, that is a good damn question.

Out of the mouths of babes, I guess.

 

 

And….here….we….go!

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And….here….we….go!

I had my first supervision with my new supervisor today and I would just like to say upfront that I am pretty effing stoked about this new placement. Not only do I get to do community based social work that is essentially training me for my dream job, but I also get to do a lot of clinical work that I was afraid I would not be able to do because of the stupid track system at my grad school. We have to pick direct service, administrative or community based as our focus final year; I chose community based because of the future jobs that I want and my lack of professional experience in that venue. I had been pretty disappointed in that choice for the first few months of this year but now that I have this magical hybrid placement; I am pretty stoked. I feel good about my job prospects. I may not even have to move.

Moving is something that I feel like I should do, it’s my natural tendency to retreat back to my homey home when I am hurting and needing to regroup. However, that pattern never seems to work for me. I am not sure yet. The networking and opportunities here may outweigh the perceived benefits of running away home, Jack.

I digressed. Oh well.

I shall continue to digress in saying the following: the next few months are going to be different for me emotionally, financially, etc. My relationship is in transition (to what I am not sure), my sex life will be in remission, my formal education is ending, my $2,837,402,384,702,384,720,384 in student loans will be coming out of deferment,  my 2nd professional life will be beginning, and both of my kids will officially be teenagers in 3 months.

So you may read some vague posts here and there.

You may read some cryptic, sad, manic, or even downright dirty poetry.

You may feel that I am yelling at YOU specifically; but I won’t be.

I am just going to therapize myself through this blog and lucky you! You get to come for the ride.

You may want to take some Dramamine.

No really. I mean that.

XOXO

A casual observation about teenagers in the Pdx/Couv area

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A casual observation about teenagers in the Pdx/Couv area

Last night the girl child and I went to get supplies for a sundae bar for her and a amaretto sour bar for moi. While leaving the parking lot, she said “See all those kids coming from Wendy’s? That’s the new cool hangout for kids at my school.” so I looked, and saw what in my day would have been a group of kids behind Burger Den or Arctic Circle, hiding and smoking. What I realized was that none of them were and would have had difficulty if they tried, as both hands were on their cell phones, texting.

And then it struck me.

I haven’t seen any teenagers smoking in a long time, other than the occasional gutterpunk.

The teenagers I see that are walking, hiding, crouching, congregating, etc. always have cell phones in their hands.

It occurs to me now, as it did last night, that perhaps our need as teens to belong, to be cool, to be oral/tactically fixated is quenched by our texting and social media addictions.

Perhaps, in generations to come, carpal tunnel and curved cervical spine issues will be our problems caused by childhood needs to belong, rather than lung cancer and the related substance issues began by smoking.

I think I can be ok with that.

I believe it balances my dislike of cell phones as referenced here: WHY I HATE CELLS

Methinks perhapst I should rethink my stance on not allowing my kids to have cell phones until they have jobs to pay for them.

Maybe I don’t want them to find other things to do with their hands.

Hm.