Tag Archives: spiders

Things that go bump in the night:

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Things that go bump in the night:

While I do not claim to be the most rational person, I think on most days I am at least 72% rationale.

However.

There are a few things that despite my rational grownup mind freak me the eff out. In an ongoing attempt to purge irrational fear from my psyche, I offer you this list of my top 11 irrational fears from greatest to least, *handle this knowledge responsibly please*:

  1. Spider webs. Spiders, not a biggie. Spider webs, touching me or in my line of sight are enough to induce heart palpitations faster than the first time I saw that b**ch on the ring come crawling out the tv.
  2. The shadow next to the bed. I don’t care how old I get, I jump over that. Period.
  3. Falling asleep in a car as a passenger. Don’t take it personally, but no. I do not trust you enough to not kill me while I sleep and you drive. Get over it.
  4. Falling. On purpose, metaphorically, from a ladder, from stairs, from a plane, from a mountain, from a cliff, from a platform with a rubber band tied around my ankles, from a roof, from a beautiful waterfall, from a bridge, whatever. I used to think it was a fear of heights, but I have decided it’s not. It’s the falling I fear 🙂
  5. White noise hoobie joobie. That movie with Michael Keaton freaked me the eff out. I think it is the combination of watching Poltergeist at entirely too young of an age and then that movie….EEKKKKK
  6. Being strangled. Odd I know. But I can’t wear turtle necks or chokers or even t shirts that have tight necks. Weird right?
  7. Cataclysmic apocalypse. Be it caused by natural, alien, zombie, illuminati, political, whodo, voodoo, whatever; I fear it. More than a rationale person should, I suppose.
  8. The ocean. I dream of swimming underwater with whales and mermaids and fishes, breathing underwater just fine. But sharks and water I cannot see the bottom of in real, waking life, freaks me the eff out. Eff that. There are big freaking things in the ocean!
  9. Failing in general. At a job, on a quiz, on a crossword, at life in general, as a parent, etc. I fixate on this shit. Try falling asleep without the soothing sounds of Kelly Howell or Eckhart Tolle with this Atlas weight in your brain.
  10. Repeating my parent’s mistakes. This is probably not as serious of a fear so much as a corrective tool…Everything I do as a parent and a grownup, I try to gauge how my parents would have done it, and how that served or disserved me. Then I act accordingly. It’s only bit me in the ass a couple of times, thus far. But I do fear choosing wrong because I based a judgment of serve vs disserve on my current state of mind and not on the actual result that is still evolving….Does that make any sense outloud?
  11. Talking in my sleep. I know my dreams. If ever I was to speak while sleeping, I am sure people would have me put away forever. >:)

Ok, ok so I know overall it just seems like totally normal control issues right? RIGHT? I’m normal. Just like every other normally neurotic person.

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Spring cleaning? Yes, please. Punxsutawney Phil is not a reliable weatherperson…if one exists….

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Spring cleaning? Yes, please. Punxsutawney Phil is not a reliable weatherperson…if one exists….

It had to happen. I finally get a day off from everything and lo and behold the sun was shining and the air was warm. I think somewhere an angel got their wings or some shi*. It was so beautiful that I was compelled to spend my day off cleaning.

Now mind you, half of it was inspired by the fact that my daughter found a couple of fleas on the dog and I freaked out. I do that. Jani doesn’t do fleas, lice, ticks, bedbugs or anything like that. Sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus forbid one of my own kids ever comes home with lice, they may get farmed out. Quarantined. Disowned. Severe? Maybe. There has only been one person I have deloused in my life and she is my other half. In the big picture, creepy crawlies flip me out. Give me something big like a spider. Give me something I can see. That is ok.

I digress.

Sunshine! Happiness! Smudging! Spiritual and physical housecleaning! It was a good time for it. I feel better having aired the house out.

You should too! Do it! Do it with good energy! Do it with intention! Or just put on your best Martha Stewart saccharine smile or your most kitschy apron and heels, boys, and get crackalackin. Especially if you are in the Pacific Northwest, we never know how long the sun will last…..