Tag Archives: self analysis

Just FYI…

Just FYI…




Even if the one who gives me butterflies doesn’t recognize it. I’m tired of doubting myself and trying to understand what about ME isn’t conforming to their standards. 

Every Jeremy.







All of them. 

The bosses. 

The fathers. 

The lovers. 

The potentials. 

The friends. 


I am enough. In fact, I might just be too much. I’m not missing out on them. They are missing out on me. I’m tired of dulling my glimmer to keep from outshining them. I’m tired of feeling sheepish when they tell me I’m “intimidatingly smart.”

I’m tired of amazing connections being written off because one thing doesn’t immediately “spark” or maybe “someday” someone might want ______insert here_______. 

Fear of missing out is bullshit. Cowardice. 

I’m a lot, I get it.













Honest to a fault.

I’m good enough to do this.


I’m smart enough to complete that. 

I am fucking EXTRAORDINARY. 

Dream interpretation 101

Dream interpretation 101

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up and ask yourself WTF, that meant something, what am I missing? A onetime friend used to refer to them as “cosmic 2x4s,” the things that the Universe uses to smack you upside your head and get you to pay attention.

Typically, I find them easy to self analyse, for example: I once dreamnt that I was shopping for onion which I knew made me cry so hard and I was afraid of cutting them, but I had to go through all sorts of trouble to go to this one store to buy this one onion that they hid in the store because it was shaped square and I could cut it easily, quickly and without looking. It was a mindless act that I had to complete because my family needed that onion for supper.

Suffice it to say, my ex-husband was represented by the onion.


Did I digress? A little.

The dream I had which I need your help dissecting is as follows:

I’m walking through somewhere I have never been, enjoying it until I start getting angry because this woman keeps walking in front of me and I can’t get around her. I finally yell and push past her, behaving very badly, flipping her off and calling her everything but a woman. Then I feel embarrassed suddenly and turn down a road I did not intend to go down, and walk into some sort of marketplace that appears to be like an indoor flea market or bazaar…It seems familiar, or at least the items being sold there do.

In between all of these different booths and set ups and tables are randomly placed merry-go-rounds, slides, gates, nets, stairs, things meant for playing AND obstacles as well. I am attracted to one store in particular that has a pentagram above it, which I am not wiccan in the ‘wiccan religion” sense, but I usually subscribe to many things found in a store that would be described as such…just to give you some context for interpretation…So I make my way over there, deciding I should find some crystals or a book I want. Getting there is difficult to say the least. The damned woman is back, standing in my way. I don’t want to make a scene in the marketplace as I notice I am the only person who does not look middle-eastern and I am dressed in a way that would not be ok in the middle east traditionally if I am noticed (how I avoided being noticed I have no idea). So I take a deep breath and decided to backtrack and go AROUND the woman in a big circle.

As I am doing this, I cross caution tape, end up in a room that has beds and NUMEROUS sleeping babies…I assume that this is where the vender’s children are sleeping. But in that same room is a huge tree that has one very alive red rooster roosting in the branches looking at me. His beady eyes make me very uncomfortable so I go up 2 stairs to find a huge beautiful cherry table with 5 chairs around it and for some reason I look under it. There is a rug with a depression under it and I know that if I was to stand on it, I would fall through.

I then go around and rip through this netting that is separating that room from some concrete seats that are set up like a roman amphitheatre. I sit down and quietly wait for something to begin, like I knew I was coming to this place for a reason.

This is where I woke up.

Go to work peoples.

Chop, Chop.