For learning experiences that challenge me and fulfill me.
For interactions with people different from me.
For opportunities to give and receive feedback.
For healthy and amazing kids.
For unbroken toes that allow me to walk in ridiculously hot, haute, uncomfortable shoes.
For short months.
For the ability to tell friends I love them and am thinking of them while they go through scary things. (AR you have my thoughts and alllllll my hoobie joobie.)
For friends who tell me they love me and are thinking of me while I go through scary things.
For the ability to learn and grow and understand my childhood and persona.
For the privilege of grad school and student loans.
For stargazer lilies.
For tattooed men.
For tattooed women.
For Kisha, sunflowers and the grateful dead.
For human interaction.
For broken hearts and first loves.
For the capacity to feel both.
For unending lists of things I am grateful for.
But after about a month of heartburn, ulcers, sleepless nights and related irritable attitude combined with relationship woes, professional misfortune, scholastic pressure and being a parent; I have decided where I will live (for sure) after graduation.
I made a pros and cons list for Idaho and for Washington.
I surveyed Facebook friends and frenemies.
I did tarot cards.
I talked to classmates.
I talked to professionals.
I did guided meditations.
I talked to my counselor.
I talked to my mentor.
I talked to my soul mates.
I did about 34,834,530 different things as instructed by various decision making models and blogs.
I flipped coins. Over and over.
This morning I woke up and just knew:
I have to stay in Vancouver.
My heart said so. I can go where ever I want in 5 years. But for now, in fact for once in my life, I am thinking of my kids and my kids only. I am not rationalizing my needs or wants. I am not running home because I have a broken heart. I am planting roots.
Kudos to me.
Please let me make it through this one final week of fall classes and placement. I know I have not read everything I was supposed to have read. I know that I have another whole paper I haven’t even started. I know that I spend too much time on facebook when I am supposed to be writing papers. But I know I have done the best with the small amount of free, uncompartmentalized brain space that I have left. I know that I have no more math or stats required by a school ever again after today. I promise to be an existent mom over break. Please make the rest of my term and finals all go well and quickly so that I may defrag my hard drive in preparation for Winter term in 5 short weeks. And if I could do it all with only A’s that’d be great. Nothing less than a B, thanks.
Amen, hoobie joobie, hallelujah and all that fucking jazz.
Do lots of things. Duh.
But specifically, the things I want to do and the places I want to go are as follows….Anyone wanna come with?
That’ll do pig, that’ll do.
Yeah. I think that is all for now….But I reserve the right to add more. Cheers, interweb friends.