Tag Archives: quotes

Gambling

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Gambling

Anyone who has ever been out gambling with me at a casino knows that if I do anything but play penny/nickel slots, I become quite nauseated. Regardless of how much money I have to blow, I always spend my time thinking of what I SHOULD be spending that measly 10 dollars on.

In my personal life, I find that it appears that I gamble a lot. I try to always be willing to put my money where my mouth is and am willing to lose big for the potential payout. It bites me in the ass at times (ok more often than not), but it has always worked out eventually… Even if that payout is only that I have the ability to keep playing.

Right now in my world, I am slightly gun-shy and have the potential to win big and I am fu*king scared as shit. And it is a safe bet! Comparatively speaking. I’m looking down the barrel of a more sure thing than I can remember ever experiencing…

So what is the fear from?

Is it the fear of potential loss?

Is it the fear of trusting in myself?

Is it the fear of trusting someone else?

Is it the fear of a blow to my ego if I am wrong again?

Or is it the fear of being successful?

I am not sure.

My eyes are open but I am jumping off this cliff.

Boom, bitches.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ~ John Lennon

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So you wish you were an Empath?

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So you wish you were an Empath?

Beers in the bathtub

My whole life I have been susceptible

To feeling the world move;

Just by being near you,

I FELT.

The enormity of it.

The brevity.

The gravity.

I learned to dissociate;

Separate myself from it.

I put up Pink’s wall

Protected myself.

Learned to shut it out

For fear of being destroyed.

(Or revealed)

I remember back in another life:

Times when thoughts were fleeting

And I understood what Barrie meant

When he said fairies were only big enough

to feel one emotion at a time.

My momentary instances;

Glimpses really…

Perceptions of feelings,

Experiences…

When coherent thoughts

Were meaningless and

When the world;

Reality,

Was too big to contain

In my chest

And I knew

Oh I knew

My heart would explode

From the overwhelming love!

But by grace it would dissipate.

Lucky for me.

And it is echoed now

In the pendulum’s swing-

Such a visceral sadness

In thinking of her.

I feel through you

Such a compounding misery.

My alleged “gift”

Neil was right you know-

“They don’t teach you what to say…”

I grow weaker and weaker trying

To subsume within,

My compartmentalized arks,

Shielded from my sentience.

Fiona said she ‘just wants to feel everything’

Well, she can have it.

Please just take it,

Before I am consumed.