Tag Archives: johnny depp

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder.

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Fuck you, Eddie Vedder.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for being my main boy/man archetype since I was 12.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for giving me hope. Hope that angry young men who hate their mothers and miss their fathers could grow up to be sensibly deep and poetic souls.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for narrating my youth and adolescence.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for giving me a voice and a growl to match my self-imposed angst.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for making me think that all angry young surfer/skater/artist boys would grow up to be passionate and well-adjusted adults.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for making me obsess over Matt Miller for years.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for having your lovingly familiar brow furrow.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for being my jokingly “8th ex husband” as I inch closer and closer to number 8.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for cutting your hair. It made Chris Cornell cut his! You bastard. Chris Cornell has the voice of an ANGEL.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for marrying a goddamn model and having a baby with her and having it be glorious.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for the soundtrack of Into the Wild, further complicating what I thought was a pivotal moment in my growth by proving that you angry boys could become men and could snap out of your melancholy to write something so provocative and insightful.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for influencing that vote of mine for Nader.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for making me love greasy rat men from Singles.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for all your mind opening documentaries and eye-opening activism.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for performing with Johnny Depp, which was a wet dream.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for Ukelele Songs, which made me love you even more.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, for my wedding song.

Sigh. Fuck you, Eddie Vedder.

I still love you.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder, because I would probably still marry you; if you and Jill don’t work out. Even though you are the same age as my mother. It’s not as weird, now that I am practically middle-aged.

But whatever.

Fuck you, Eddie Vedder.

Happy early fucking birthday, freaking Capricorns.

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The state of the world as I know it and random thoughts by Jani Handey

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The state of the world as I know it and random thoughts by Jani Handey
  1. Cartier makes beautiful commercials.
  2. Political issues worldwide and in Syria are going to make me unable to afford gas. I should fill up today.
  3. I am taking a waiver exam and hope it makes it so I don’t have to take stats again.
  4. I am applying for a magical internship and want it soooo bad.
  5. My arm is molting and I like it.
  6. I have an insatiable desire to shout “Ca-Cao” the next time I engage in coitus.
  7. I heart the big bang theory.
  8. My car is making an interesting noise in the front end driver’s side. I believe it may be a brake pad, but my super fab kids have suggested: rock in the caliper, hubcap rub, u-joint and bad brakes. They rock.
  9. Dru from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not nearly as beautiful as I remember, but Spike is. Also, I still get pumped every time I hear the theme song. 
  10. I bought a baby gate to keep my attachment disordered dog away from the door when we are trying to sleep and he learned how to jump over it. Bastard.
  11. I want my back to look like Christina Aquilera’s in “Burlesque.”
  12. I have my whole first routine figured out for when I am a Burlesque dancer, now I just need to get to a point I am comfortable doing it in front of people.
  13. I went to Lacey, Washington yesterday and I believe that I would like it there or Olympia better. Just saying.
  14. I am about to take finals for my first term at this new school and I feel good about it.
  15. I think that Jack White, Johnny Depp and I could have made sweet music and babies together.
  16. There are 3 places open on my culdesac and only one set of less than lovely neighbors. I hope we get 3 good households, not more partiers. Especially since one of them will be right next to moi.
  17. Working out with Tracy Anderson videos makes me feel like a seizing hippo ballerina.
  18. Earthquake in San Fran area…precursor?

I guess that’s all. Carry on. Wish me luck. Happy thoughts!