Dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey, Jebus:
I am about to go to my interview for a job that could potentially lead me straight into a potential future I like, so I humbly ask:
- Please don’t let me sound like an idiot or a fraud.
- Please give me the magical Goddess inspired words to wow them.
- Please let my interviewers be part of the 50% who sees yellow as cheerful, not the 50% who are made anxious by it.
- Please let me get the right job if it is not this one, very quickly, in time to pay my stuff next month.
Humina-Humina, monkey dust, catholic mumbo jumbo, hoodoo voodoo, sacrificial animal of your choice, genuflection, crosses and rituals, dancing on one foot, spinning around, holding snakes, talking in tongues, holy water, smudge smoke, mecca lecca hi mecca hiney ho, and all that other sh*t.
It’s that inevitable part of ending graduation….that time every one without a trust fund dreads……JOB SEARCH….
I have redone my resume 34,384,574,857,045 times with 2,384,973,048 different people telling me I need to redo it. But luckily, I have a pretty awesome BGBF who loves me enough to have worked mine over like racehorse on his weekend and whipped it into sexy shape. All on one snazzy page. HUZZAH.
So today I filled out 15 applications, including cover letters and endless inane questions asking me to provide rationale, answers, education, and experience with the name of the organizations I worked at during those experiences to prove I know how to blow my nose and tie my shoes and encourage others to do the same, in an appropriate manner.
Holy Moly. I hope I get a job.
Don’t they understand I am an indentured servant? I have a house worth of loans! I am owned by the man!
I will work! I have to work! Let me work! PLEASE……
Not that I am desperate….yet…..
I was even asked in an application if I am an “expert in determining precipitating events.”
Um, no. Is that even an actual expertise? I know what one is but…..I’m not training to be on “Criminal Minds”….
What did I get into!
Wish me luck lovers.
Mama needs to pay off these shoes….