Tag Archives: intuition

To Whom it May Concern:

Standard
To Whom it May Concern:

I am not a mind reader.

I am a very empathetic, intuitive, über feeling, and generally good person. I do my best to understand others and to not cause negative things to happen within them due to my actions or words. This, however, is not always enough it seems. But I am.

I cannot be held to such a standard of knowing all intentions. If you are wanting to talk, tell me.  If you are not wanting to talk, tell me. If I am wanting/needing to talk and you don’t want to, I might need to understand why. It is a simple thing. If you simply want the presence of another human, tell me. If I assume you must want to talk and you are not talking, so I talk…Do not assume that I am just telling you about my day or problem or whatever because I need to fill the air with the melodic sound of my voice, give me the benefit of doubt that perhaps I am making an assumption about your intentions and trying to give an opening for you to bring something up. I might base this on nothing or I might base this on what I think is happening or what I feel is happening. I promise I am not “trying to social work you.” I try very diligently to not social work the people I love, but it is kind of difficult to not think in the ways I do now. It is a Pandora’s box situation. I try and I fail. I can ask “Do you want advice or do you want me to commiserate?” but that in itself seems to make people angry. I am more than willing to sit in silence with you, but I need to know that is what you want. I cannot simply know it.

I am not a mind reader.

I am an anxious, hyper-vigilant, and sometimes neurotic person. I see things and feel things, KNOW things that may or may not exist in all realities. I have experiences, like us all, that make me jump to conclusions. Granted, sometimes my conclusions go straight to catastrophe planning and risk mitigation. This is an issue, I know. BUT it is also a survival technique. A way that I have learned to survive, emotionally and physically. Maladaptive at times, yes. Controlling at times, yes. But my burden to bear.

When I am given 1000 pieces of a 1500 piece puzzle, I put what I can together and until I know the rest, I use my best judgment to consciously and unconsciously matrix what I see, feel, or hear. I will arrange those 1000 pieces into something that I recognize and understand, until I have the rest of the pieces. I cannot yet handle the missing pieces. My shit, not yours. But what is your piece, your “shit”, is the way that you react to how I proceed. I am only accountable for my own actions, my own words, my intent. I cannot be held accountable for your feelings, your reactions, or how you are impacted. If you assume I am coming at you with ill intent, then you obviously do not know me. I try to anticipate the outcome of all interactions, but alas…

I am not a mind reader.

But I am doing my best. And I hope, I assume, I presume, I pray…You are too.

 

Advertisements

Sensory overload and Daredevil’s superpowers.

Standard
Sensory overload and Daredevil’s superpowers.

I have been accused of many things over the years, most often lately the offense: “sensitivity.” No seriously. I think that I am very gifted in the intuitive arts for the most part and I have amazing hearing. It’s no surprise to most people who know me. I also have an amazing sense of smell. (Believe me that is more often a curse than a gift.) My sense of smell has “improved” 10 fold since I quit smoking (11 months ago, ahem, patting my own back). It’s akin to my sense of smell when I was pregnant which I promise was no picnic. Anywhoo, the ability to hear very high-pitched sounds and very low range sounds is great when listening for children’s whispers, crying babies, baby bats in tall grass and people in the walls….lol….but as far as everyday life? Its pretty effing annoying and distracting.

Couple that with my inability to focus when I am trying to do something cerebral or even somatic, when the tv or radio is on, the fridge is running, the dryer, the dog’s clickity toe nails, the kids who want something and the fluorescent light in my kitchen and I am a frustrated bitch who has gotten nowhere on her paper and wants to cry.

I have never been one to listen to music while studying or writing, I prefer absolute silence when I am working something out. Maybe that is one of the reasons I really am not a good group member when it comes to scholastic endeavors. I have too many thoughts going through my own head to pay attention to yours, too.

It makes the people around me crazy, I know. My family is always annoyed by me because of it. When this is on top of any kind of stress, it increases. I am like Daredevil on a two week runner of meth. Blind as a bat (my weakness) but I hear and feel alllllll…….Dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus help me.

The quarter is almost over. C’mon Summer.

Creepers!

Standard
Creepers!

Given the populations I have worked with and my own issues, one could say I am a hyperaware parent. I wouldn’t say I am a helicopter parent, but I am slightly untrusting of the general public and probably have inflicted this upon my children a little too much.

However; I have always worked to make sure that they are critical thinkers who listen to their guts and stay aware of their surroundings. I think it is a good skill set which balances with the hyperarousal I may have passed on 🙂

The Girl Child initiated a conversation with me around Christmas about how it is kind of a mixed message that from birth we tell our children not to talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, etc. but then encourage them to sit on Santa’s lap, take candy from him, tell him secrets and expect him to break into our house and give us gifts. All classic grooming techniques.

I immediately thought of Jon Benet Ramsey, who was murdered around Christmas and was told by “Santa”  he would bring her a special gift after Christmas. No one has ever proved Santa did it, but that’s where my money has always been….Don’t worry, I didn’t share that thought pattern with her.

Just this morning, we watched a commercial that had M & M’s dressed as the Easter Bunny, sneaking through someone’s house and leaving candy for children. The Girl Child said, “See? Another creepy thing that we tell kids its ok to let in the house and as long as they bring them candy.”

The next commercial was one of those Febreeze commercials wherein they take people into scary looking places blindfolded and ask them to describe what they smell….

We looked at each other, reading each other’s minds.

These people let strangers with cameras lead them into scary places because they are told what? Who cares. It doesn’t matter what they told them. They have been told their whole lives strangers with cameras, ahem, candy won’t hurt them. Or will they?

We live in a weird damn world of conflicting mores and social rules.

I am surprised there hasn’t been a string of Santa, Halloween, Easter Bunny, Febreeze hostel serial killer situations in the media.

We want to think that the people we need to worry about all look like the people in this video:

But they don’t.

Have we outgrown the safety of our own traditions? Anne Frank said “Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.”

Do you agree?

Do we need to change the mythology we pass onto our children?

“The world has changed. I see it in the water. I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.” ~ Galadriel