So I have this bad habit of starting sentences with adverbs. Oh well. 🙂
Anyway, I had company this weekend who asked me why I have pictures hanging everywhere of my ex-partner….They wondered if it was an indication that I am still holding out hope to get back together or I am not over them or whatnot. I said no, I just really haven’t had the time to deal with it considering grad school and blah blah blah….
But since they said that, now all I can think of is the task. My eyes go to the pictures of them immediately as I walk by my framed pictures and mosaics…. It’s a pain in the ass. It requires an emotional dissonance and dissociation I am not totally prepared for and yet, I know it needs to be done.
It’s not like I am doing anything better today.
Facebook and Pinterest and homework and the last episode of Spartacus can wait I suppose.
I hate endings.
But I love beginnings. It’s a balance I suppose.
I have been accused of many things over the years, most often lately the offense: “sensitivity.” No seriously. I think that I am very gifted in the intuitive arts for the most part and I have amazing hearing. It’s no surprise to most people who know me. I also have an amazing sense of smell. (Believe me that is more often a curse than a gift.) My sense of smell has “improved” 10 fold since I quit smoking (11 months ago, ahem, patting my own back). It’s akin to my sense of smell when I was pregnant which I promise was no picnic. Anywhoo, the ability to hear very high-pitched sounds and very low range sounds is great when listening for children’s whispers, crying babies, baby bats in tall grass and people in the walls….lol….but as far as everyday life? Its pretty effing annoying and distracting.
Couple that with my inability to focus when I am trying to do something cerebral or even somatic, when the tv or radio is on, the fridge is running, the dryer, the dog’s clickity toe nails, the kids who want something and the fluorescent light in my kitchen and I am a frustrated bitch who has gotten nowhere on her paper and wants to cry.
I have never been one to listen to music while studying or writing, I prefer absolute silence when I am working something out. Maybe that is one of the reasons I really am not a good group member when it comes to scholastic endeavors. I have too many thoughts going through my own head to pay attention to yours, too.
It makes the people around me crazy, I know. My family is always annoyed by me because of it. When this is on top of any kind of stress, it increases. I am like Daredevil on a two week runner of meth. Blind as a bat (my weakness) but I hear and feel alllllll…….Dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus help me.
The quarter is almost over. C’mon Summer.