Tag Archives: Happy

Peaks and valleys or Axis II? just kidding, DSM 5 uses no axes.

Standard
Peaks and valleys or Axis II? just kidding, DSM 5 uses no axes.

As always, in this non-stop over-analytical brain of mine, I have been pondering a lot of things as of late; mainly the fact that over and over again I am told that I am a narcissist due to my verbal observations that I am the common denominator in all of my failures, from relationships to interoffice communications. I have been reflecting on this a lot, as I was studying for my clinical board exam. (I do not fit the criteria, in case you were wondering).

However I do find that I tend to be a pessimist, I feel paranoid often, and I make trust issues themselves suspicious. It’s a thing. I know it. I have done lots of therapy over the years.

As a teenager, I used to tell people I was bipolar, as if it were a cool thing…something to be proud of that explained how much of a special, creative, and emotional snowflake I was… Not knowing how fucked up that was. Ignorance is bliss right? But I do know that I have occasionally fit the criteria for a variety of personality disorders, namely dependent and/or borderline personality disorder, but they wax and waned over the years to the point that while I may feel it sometimes it is no longer acutely “diagnosable”(sp). I know that is the least professional way to put it but I am not sure how else to word it. Go with me, please.

Many times, I have found that I am jealous of people that are bubbly, happy, ridiculously positive. I have even caught myself assuming that they are less intelligent than I. I mean come on, how can you know what is happening in the world and still be that FUCKING happy? But the world is always fucked up. I have nothing to show that it will ever be anything else. We just have more knowledge of it these days, right? So what is the secret? Mindfulness? Ignorance? “staying present”? How do you get there? I believe that thoughts are things and that aside from being a commercial success, things like “The Secret” have something to them, albeit financially fleecing as they are. That does not mean they are not correct, real, or accurate. If the people getting rich and being successful from sharing this info are doing it, then huzzah, it works? Who knows. But how do you maintain it? How do you stay positive, happy, etc in the life we are given?

It seems to me that there is a common theme throughout all written history of humans, we suck, we are unhappy, and yet, we persist. We run the spectrum, from being capable of the worst things imaginable, to being capable of the most awe inspiring things. I always think of the movie, The Abyss and the part at the end where the distraught aliens decide NOT to annihilate us because of this observation. There is always the question of why, for what, how come, what is the meaning, what is happy, how do you find it, etc etc etc.. I have no illusions of being a special or creative snowflake for thinking about this. I am no narcissist in this regard. But really, how do people do it?

What is THE SECRET?

How do you feel satisfaction and fulfillment in a sustainable way? How do you maintain relationships? Jobs? Sanity?

How do you become a Katie fucking Couric? So maddeningly fucking positive that you can find a direction and impetus in tragedy?

How do you stay in the moment, when everything is distracting you with shiny lights or terrifying depths?

You know, asking for a friend.

 

Equalism? Machism? Feminism? Ismism?

Standard
Equalism? Machism? Feminism? Ismism?

I was trying to process what I was feeling recently, in regard to the fact that I am somewhat dependent on my husband right now and I really f**king don’t like this feeling. BUT, even though he may not admit it, I think he likes being in the position to “take care of” me and my kids, at least for the moment. So I started to explore that and my feelings about it, from an angle of perceived control and feminist leanings.

After wading through my anti-Disney views, I realized a few things about boys and the similar messaging they receive through childhood movies, namely Disney. While so much focus is on girls and the messaging that they receive from the media, on their bodies, their sexuality, their gender defined roles and expectations…BOYS do too.

Take Beauty and the Beast for example. He is a hairy, mean, aloof asshole really. Sure he is well read and intelligent, but he is an asshole. But despite any sort of Patty Hearstesque issues in Belle, we still get to the end of the story and Belle fell in love with him despite all his shortcomings.

The message to girls: You can turn a monster into a beautiful clean-shaven prince if you love him enough.

The message to boys: If you are rich and have a castle and isolate a girl, she will love you despite how you treat her. And plus, at the end, you get to look like an Abercrombie model.

How about Aladdin?

The message to girls: You can be a spoiled little brat if you are beautiful and don’t dress conservatively but you have no real power unless you are married to a man, regardless of how evil he is. Ahem, enter Jafar.

The message to boys: If you are a street rat and steal the right thing, it can lead to riches and glory with which you can obtain the affection of a rich and beautiful girl who never would have looked at you otherwise…You just gotta get that money, even if you have to steal it. *White boy rich, right?* Additionally, it helps to have a Genie, a monkey and ride into the girl’s line of sight in the most badass form of transportation possible…elephants for Aladdin..Jasmine don’t want no scrub.

What about Snow White and Sleeping Beauty?

The message to girls: above and beyond the obvious “only a prince will save me, I can’t save myself from the powerful woman we perceive as a witch,” what about the “if a boy kisses me while I am passed the eff out, its ok, he was trying to save me.”

The message to boys: If you have money and power and want a girl, go ahead and have your way with her if she is passed the eff out. She will let you do anything because she needs someone to save her cause she can’t do it herself.

How about my own personal favorite childhood movie (seriously, I just realized how eff’d up this is….) Peter Pan:

The message to girls: Don’t worry about the guy climbing through your window, he was in love with your mom and your grandma and has watched your whole family grow up, he looks and acts like a boy but he is really like freaking 60 and refused to grow up. Go ahead and take the “fairy dust” he offers you to make you fly.

The message to boys: Eh, you could take this from the Peter Pan Pedophile view or the brother’s view, either way, if you take the girl you have to take the brothers as well, either to keep people off your trail or to protect your sister, who isn’t smart enough to go alone and she takes care of you, like a mother, anyway.

Boys receive the same messaging girls do. Only they receive it from the opposite side. Boys have to be big enough and strong enough and rich enough and good-looking enough to get one of these girls they need. Because you aren’t successful unless you have a family to take care of and support independently.

And dear sweet ancient baby alien space monkey jebus forbid, you are not heterosexual. Then you are just screwed. Who is the bread-winner? What if you can’t get married? What if you can’t adopt because you are gay? What if you don’t want any effing kids anyway? What if you don’t want to be traditional? Then what?

Look at George Clooney for example:

He is what the media likes to deem a “lifelong bachelor.” He is rich and good-looking, etc., but people ALWAYS assume one of these days he will meet a girl who will knock him off his feet and tie him down. Um, he is dating a WWE girl and she hasn’t done it. I don’t think it will be done. And why is this not ok? Maybe he doesn’t want a fairytale BS path. Maybe he doesn’t want any damn kids. Maybe he just borrows some of Brad and Angie’s when he feels the biological pull….*eyeroll* OR MAYBE THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS A MANMADE (OR AT LEAST PERPETUATED) FEELING CREATED BY PREDETERMINED ROLES!!!!

Here comes the role strain.

Here comes the anomie.

Yeehaw!  Boys, be who you want to be. Love who you want. Marry who you want to marry, if you want to marry. Have kids if you want. Be your most authentic self, regardless of what Hollywood and Disney and the GOP tells you that you need to be. Watch the documentary, “Happy.” Money DOES NOT equate to love or happiness. I promise.

As far as my own feelings, they are still be processed. But at least you get some insight into the feelings an independent woman might feel. We don’t want to be dependent either. So that should remove some stress 🙂