Tag Archives: cycles

Winter Solstice ponderings

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Winter Solstice ponderings

Today is the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. It has always held mixed meanings for me. My first wedding was held near the Autumnal Equinox and my last wedding was on the Winter Solstice. I came full circle through the seasons and while that final wedding boded no better than the first, it was and will be, my last.

This year, I want to focus on the actually perceivable aspects of it; the eternal pendulum of dark versus light finally swings toward the light again. The darkness has been building up to this point, and now the light finally wins for while. I am going to make sure that I hold that thought within myself… KEEP YOUR LIGHT.

The darkest days are over for this cycle.

From here out, I will stay mindful of this with the intent that it will guide my choices and my attitude in the coming months. Just as Winter signifies an end, it also indicates the impending Spring. A time of rebirth. A time of renewal. A time of creation.

And that is the miracle.

I’m just a believer….

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I’m just a believer….

That things will get better.

Silver linings and all that.

Agrodolce.

This is for you too, Jane.

 

Shattering patterns, one crisis at a time….

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Shattering patterns, one crisis at a time….

So you know that dumb cliché that your children are your karma for what you did as a child?

Payback is a bitch.

Today marked the third LARGE parenting crisis I have had to deal with in the 16 years I have been a parent. Oddly enough, all three of them have happened when my children were the same age as I was, when I experienced practically the same crisis.

It’s really freaking scary. I have made bad decisions as a romantic relationship role model, that is for sure. But as far as everything else: school, work, self-advocacy, critical thinking, self-esteem, encouraging uniqueness, supporting their choices, not being a blind follower, talking about sex, drugs, and unconditional love, etc….I rock that.  I couldn’t imagine having to deal with any of the things I experienced because I have prided myself on being such a “better” parent than I had. And I am a better parent, my toolbox is better stocked. My education is more complete. But better is a relative term, I suppose.

The main difference between my parenting and my childhood is that I have made it a point to do the absolute opposite of what my parents did; in these specific situations.

And it’s hard.

I panic.

I don’t know what a “normal” parent would do.

I don’t always know what the appropriate thing to do is.

I know what I would tell a client.

I know what I would tell a friend.

But they aren’t my kids.

They aren’t me.

They don’t have my experiences.

And therein lies the rub.

All I can do is hope I have interrupted a pattern. Hope that when it’s my children’s turn as parents, that they don’t experience these crises. If they do, I hope they handle it even better than I did.

How about…

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How about…

I notice literally everyone in my world is having relationship issues, so I offer this. It’s, of course, through my lens but its a nice start because I am sure everyone who reads this is guilty of at least one:

Soooo how about:

  1. Not doing shit to begin with that you need to apologize for.
  2. Sincerely understanding how your actions affect and effect others and simply apologizing instead of glazing over things with gifts or silence.
  3. Shutting up and listening for a minute before you interrupt and argue.
  4. Realizing that just because someone is defensive doesn’t mean you didn’t cause it.
  5. Realizing that other people evolve and grow and change their views, it doesn’t mean that they have no conviction.
  6. Appreciating the differences in someone that you liked when you met them instead of being irritated with them.
  7. Looking up the definition of projection, transference, denial, oh f**k it, here: just read about defense mechanisms.
  8. Not being an asshole for a minute.
  9. Not making everything a fight.
  10. Being fully aware of the fact that people love you despite how you treat them but it’s getting old.
  11. Seeing the irony that you hate how you perceive people to treat others, but then you treat them the same way.
  12. Not being passive aggressive when you aren’t being antagonistic.
  13. Understanding that others give you as much space as you need to cool off, center, figure out what the hell is going on in YOUR head. Maybe you should extend the courtesy back.
  14. Consciously perceive that people are walking on eggshells because of how you react.
  15. Just shut the f**k up, period.

GAAAWWWDDDDDDDDDD