Tag Archives: confession

ukiaH

Standard
ukiaH

I suck at shotgun.

I fell asleep when you drove;

That was most telling.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Melanin

Standard
Melanin

I have so many freckles;

moles

On my body

potential little cancers,

threatening to eat away at me.

 

I can only count the front-

Yet even if you offered

to count them;

connect them as ephelidic constellations,

I’d never know the true total.

 

There are so many

I’ll never show you

Each one represents a secret

A shame, a regret

A love, a hate

Somethings better

Left forgotten.

 

Things that go bump in the night:

Standard
Things that go bump in the night:

While I do not claim to be the most rational person, I think on most days I am at least 72% rationale.

However.

There are a few things that despite my rational grownup mind freak me the eff out. In an ongoing attempt to purge irrational fear from my psyche, I offer you this list of my top 11 irrational fears from greatest to least, *handle this knowledge responsibly please*:

  1. Spider webs. Spiders, not a biggie. Spider webs, touching me or in my line of sight are enough to induce heart palpitations faster than the first time I saw that b**ch on the ring come crawling out the tv.
  2. The shadow next to the bed. I don’t care how old I get, I jump over that. Period.
  3. Falling asleep in a car as a passenger. Don’t take it personally, but no. I do not trust you enough to not kill me while I sleep and you drive. Get over it.
  4. Falling. On purpose, metaphorically, from a ladder, from stairs, from a plane, from a mountain, from a cliff, from a platform with a rubber band tied around my ankles, from a roof, from a beautiful waterfall, from a bridge, whatever. I used to think it was a fear of heights, but I have decided it’s not. It’s the falling I fear 🙂
  5. White noise hoobie joobie. That movie with Michael Keaton freaked me the eff out. I think it is the combination of watching Poltergeist at entirely too young of an age and then that movie….EEKKKKK
  6. Being strangled. Odd I know. But I can’t wear turtle necks or chokers or even t shirts that have tight necks. Weird right?
  7. Cataclysmic apocalypse. Be it caused by natural, alien, zombie, illuminati, political, whodo, voodoo, whatever; I fear it. More than a rationale person should, I suppose.
  8. The ocean. I dream of swimming underwater with whales and mermaids and fishes, breathing underwater just fine. But sharks and water I cannot see the bottom of in real, waking life, freaks me the eff out. Eff that. There are big freaking things in the ocean!
  9. Failing in general. At a job, on a quiz, on a crossword, at life in general, as a parent, etc. I fixate on this shit. Try falling asleep without the soothing sounds of Kelly Howell or Eckhart Tolle with this Atlas weight in your brain.
  10. Repeating my parent’s mistakes. This is probably not as serious of a fear so much as a corrective tool…Everything I do as a parent and a grownup, I try to gauge how my parents would have done it, and how that served or disserved me. Then I act accordingly. It’s only bit me in the ass a couple of times, thus far. But I do fear choosing wrong because I based a judgment of serve vs disserve on my current state of mind and not on the actual result that is still evolving….Does that make any sense outloud?
  11. Talking in my sleep. I know my dreams. If ever I was to speak while sleeping, I am sure people would have me put away forever. >:)

Ok, ok so I know overall it just seems like totally normal control issues right? RIGHT? I’m normal. Just like every other normally neurotic person.

Yeah you caught me looking at ya, so whatareya gonna do about it?

Standard

Just a quick little confessional, devoid of digression for our almost new year ponderings….

I am freaking blind so I have to wear glasses. I prefer contacts, but living in the Pacific Northwest I find there is not a lot of reason to wear contacts other than vanity because I rarely NEED sunglasses. However, I am rather vain so I wear contacts most of the time, ergo, I wear sunglasses if for no other reason than an accessory, habit or wishful thinking.

Because of this, I have grown quite adept at people watching and keeping my mouth from revealing the thoughts which my eyes cannot hide.

Herein lies the problem.

When the occasion happens I am too lazy, too late or just don’t give a sh*t, and I am wearing my glasses, I forget they have clear lens.

I glare.

I say “F**K YOU” with my eyes.

I say “I’d f**k you” with my eyes.

I roll my eyes.

I look out of the corner of my eyes all batsh*t crazy without turning my head to stare you down in the car next to me at the light.

I do any number of things, assuming I’m safe because you can’t see me.

Except when I forget that you can.

Then I am busted.

I turn red. (Which is a whole different level of red for me, anyone that knows me can attest to my scarlet brilliance….)

I feel dumb.

I come home and blog away all my “caught in the act” voyeuristic shame.

Tee hee.

Anyone else do this?

Don’t lie.

Anyone else get CAUGHT?