Tag Archives: codependence

2018 year in review:

Standard
2018 year in review:

Haven’t done one of these in a couple years. Seems fitting as I am in my 38th year… which is the year I’ve been thinking about since I was 19 years old.

It’s been a wild ride.

And a long life.

Hopefully, I get 38 more years.

1. Codependent is not the same as interdependent… no matter how you package it, some people will never understand the difference.

2. Never take friendships for granted; even after 28 years, they can end without proper maintenance. Even with proper maintenance, people grow apart. That’s ok.

3. There are social contracts that we all must abide by, to some extent. However, any social contract that requires you to be anything but your authentic self (save for concrete moral deviance) can go fuck themselves. This is your life. You probably only get one. Love it. Live it. Choose it. You’re the driver.

4. “Stairway to heaven” really is truth. 🎵“Yes, there are two paths you can go by… But in the long run…There’s still time to change the road you’re on.”🎵 Two paths. Fear or love.

5. If you’re all the way right or all the way left, you can’t see the whole picture. Take a couple steps back and listen.

6. Echo chambers are bad.

7. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent is stop parenting.

8. You can lose/leave most of your things and be happy.

9. Dogs really are better than cats. By a small margin. But still better.

10. Money definitely doesn’t buy happiness. Always choose the job that feeds your soul. If you’re doing things right, someone will feed your belly.

11. When you have enough to feed your belly, feed someone else’s. When you have enough to feed your soul, feed someone else’s.

12. Energy is cyclic. I knew that years ago but I was definitely reminded repeatedly this year. Be mindful of the energy you put out. It’s easy to become comfortable, complacent, and forget.

13. Choose love. Even if it ends badly, you will end up better for it. You can leave with love. You can lead with love. You can heal with love. Always love yourself first. Insert some cliche about airplane oxygen masks.

14. Experiences are better than things. But… sweet gestures are still sweet.

15. Excitement and exuberance count. More than you realize.

16. Gratitude begets gratitude.

17. Douglas Adams really is a genius.

18. You can be aware and understand without co-opting and/or being offended. It really isn’t about you.

19. Except when it is… if you have a boundary, don’t let yourself or anyone else violate it.

20. There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame… learn the difference.

21. People tell you who they are and what they want through actions. You have to listen and watch. They often contradict each other.

22. Timing is everything. Sometimes things circle back around when you’re ready, sometimes they don’t because they were only there for the lesson.

23. The world, and humans, haven’t really changed. Comparisons are moot.

24. You can’t save anyone but yourself.

25. And Hobo Johnson/Frank is a lyrical genius.

Huzzah. Xoxo

Advertisements

Mixed Messages

Standard
Mixed Messages

I always find it odd when someone tells you something and somehow they really mean something else. I find this to be true in all relationships be they familial, romantic, or platonic. I’m sure everyone does it, I myself am admittingly guilty as well.

For example, someone may say “Do you care if I go to _____’s house?” and on the inside I may be saying “NOOOO!!! I have been alone all day stay and fold laundry with me!”

But I don’t.

I say, “Sure, Girl Child, be home by 5.”

Let’s say, hypothetically of course, someone tells you in 38,495,304,570 different ways to get a life, get some friends, start working out (and of course, this doesn’t mean they find you fat or unattractive, they just want you to be “healthy.”), go out, “be free you hippy butterfly,” you start to get the feeling that you are being too codependent or cramping that person’s style. Your mere presence is irritating them. Their lives are affected and effected by your neediness or something, I don’t freaking know.

I digress.

Eventually you choose one of two paths: 1) You do what they have been telling you to do or 2) You eat an entire roll of cookie dough with a raspberry coffee and chocolate milk. and rationalize it was a healthy balanced meal 😉

But when you do choose to DO IT, how can that person be mad at you for it? If that isn’t what they wanted, what did they want?

Speak freely for sweet  ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus’s sake!

In the words of John Mayer, “Say what you need to say.”

I am not a mind reader.

I assume the rest of the world, Sylvia Browne and Alison Dubois aside, are not either.

When you say go away, I assume you mean it.

So when I get confused that somehow instead of someone being happy that I am doing what I need to do and no longer depending on them to entertain me, don’t make it about you again. I did exactly what I was told. BY YOU.

Next time, choose your words more carefully and/or imagine how you will handle the result.

You never know when someone will finally listen, hypothetically.