Tag Archives: caffeine

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.” ~ Alice

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“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.” ~ Alice

I feel like I should have so much to write about the last week seeing as it has been my spring break, but I really have been struggling. I went to Wicked and it was magic. I saw The Hunger Games and it was pretty badass. I had a nearly 4 hour conversation with my baby daddy and it was civil and comfortable and nice even. The girl child left on a plane for her spring break, all alone (she is so brave…) and the boy child went on a 3 generational road trip with only men to meet a 4th generation. I got a new neighbor whom I anticipate being fraking fantastic. I found a new shortcut from my house to the redbox and my favorite grocery-like store. I read three books. All my textbooks came before my quarter starts tomorrow. I’ve had the house all to myself, all weekend. I slept till 10 this morning. I braved the panic-inducing store with the happy face logo to buy crap tons of soil and moss (irony right?) so I can plant my new herbs and replant my houseplants. I got to watch everything I wanted to watch last night without anyone complaining.

But truly, the most compelling thing I want to tell you voyeuristic pawns of my narcissistic needs is this:

I had an avocado for breakfast and seriously spent 5 minutes trying to figure out where the seed from the OTHER side went. yes. Are you freaking kidding me? I fished the garbage disposal. I looked in the trash. I was seriously confused because I could only find one pit from my ONE avocado. It was then I realized I needed coffee. Stat. I wish this was an April Fools joke. Sadly, it is not.

Avocado: 1

Jani’s brain cells: 0

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HOLY CRAP I’M SO BUSY.

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HOLY CRAP I’M SO BUSY.

So I am really not ignoring my magical blog or blog followers but work is transitioning, grad school work load actually is catching up with my slacking arse, kiddos are requiring attention because they are kiddos and in dumb ol’public school and in social relationships and all that jazz, hubby is working and schooling, stupid dog needs walked, gay marriage ban has just been ruled unconstitutional in California and washington is working on being #8 officially to allow it, its only a year or two out before its federally accepted, I am sure of it, I’m getting hooked up with a new tattoo for my birthday, Facebook has sucked me back in so I am inundated with news and causes that I feel compelled to act on and read up on, Mt. Hood is trying to explode, my coffee cup is empty and I am just attempting to breathe. Oh add to that the headache I blame on my contacts/glasses, my friends who are convinced it is something more sinister, which leads me to wonder if it is…..AND my hubby got invited into the Masons. No fair. I want a penis. I thought if you wanted to be one, ask one? No one said they can ask you. How come he got recruited? I wanna be recruited. Stupid anatomy.

I digress? Maybe? WTF was I talking about again?

 

Oy. The dog needs attention NOW. Bless me precious sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus.

Miserable Meeces, I hate them to pieces.

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Miserable Meeces, I hate them to pieces.

At first I could only hear them; barely
No one else could, they thought I was crazy
My old man found me on my hands and knees
Head tilted, listening intently, searching
Everything moved and everything checked
A-HA, victory is mine; evidence
One small brown turd, proof I am sane.
I can still hear them, vile dirty vermin
I have gone to prepare for our battle
Glue traps, snap traps, cheese and peanut butter
Baited and set, now I sit in the dark and wait.
I can hear you scurrying and scratching
I pray for your death. SNAP-Ha, I win.

 

I felt the need for a lighthearted throwback poem.

Enjoy 🙂

Rhythm

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The alarm going off

my mind already awake

fighting the urge to get up

the bulldog next door

the paper hitting my door

the delicious smell of coffee

perculating bubbles

sizzle of a shower

finally time to think

buzz of cpu

and you

Kids hustle justle

car started warm

doors open, slammed

gears shifted

home

clothes changed

hair brushed

teeth brushed

go

work alarm silenced

work phones answered

work shit typed; filed

work alarm armed

door clicked lock

kids hustle justle

doors opened; slammed

dinner cooked amongst

onomonapeias

hungry children fed

homeworks all been read

dishes in the sink

children off to bed

dishes finally washed

now its time to think

lonely buzz comes through

nothing else to do

and there’s you.

 

7.5 hours in and already pissed….

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Some people just aren’t cool enough to do the master cleanse. I am doing it, I am not happy about it but I am doing it. I could really really care less about eating, but the caffeine withdrawal headache I have right now and the heartburn which I assume is from the fresh lemon juice and cayenne I have been consuming is enough to make the Pope say “Goddamn!”

6 days till I can have coffee. Oy.

Starbucks, Folgers, international creamers, I miss thee.

Husband appears to be doing better than I. He says he is just fine. He has no heartburn, he isn’t hungry and has no headache. Well good for him. Pin a rose on his nose. La ti DA.

….

(Between you and me, he is effing GROUCHY. Harumph.)

Septic and in need of a Master Cleanse? Me too.

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First a poem.

Then a rant.

No digress.

Septic

I want my old skin back,

I’m no longer comfortable under yours.

Open sores need to breathe to heal and I know, I know,

I can’t always be the band-aid,

infections they feed this sickness between us;

It’s been allowed to fester into a boil.

I drew my sword and lanced it

now it’s become septic in unsterilized soil.

Too much attention given at the wrong stage.

An ulcer allowed to develop into pointless rage

Who knows what could have been.

Is this leper’s piece yours or mine?

A necessary quarantine and emotional quinine

A couple of courses, we should both be fine.

Master Cleanse:

Tomorrow the hubby and I are starting a “Master Cleanse.” For those of you shut-ins that are truly shut-in or haven’t subscribed to Gwyneth Paltrow’s www.goop.com, for informative and entertainment reasons here is the breakdown:

Basically, for approximately 3-30 days you starve yourself under the guise of a detox which includes laxative teas, “lemonade” made of fresh lemon juice, pure water, cayenne pepper (seriously) and real maple syrup. Occasionally, you drink some nice sea salt water too. In the meantime, your body “cleanses” itself, and is allowed to do more important things like flushing your liver and junk instead of digesting all the CRAP we non-agrarian/non-hunting lazy ass americans eat. Granted, my family doesn’t eat bad, comparatively speaking, but compared to neolithic man, we are ridiculously suicidal with our habits. So some things I have read praise sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus for the Master Cleanse. Others say it is the most horrible thing ever. Hallucinogenic in a bad way I have even read. We shall see. No coffee or caffeine? Oh my dear lord. I am pretty good at going without eating for days, which is totally healthy I know. But it’s effective…..Meh just kidding. Kinda….

I digressed. Oops.

Anyway, The goal is 10 days, I am hoping to make it to 7. I may not be able to do it and go to school which is why I am adding the caveat of 7….Husband is hoping to kick nicotine as a result of it, before everyone in our family adopts a much different eating style…MUAHAHAHH i win suckas…..:P

I shall update you as we go, and if you all don’t mind, if my posts get more crazy than normal…help a girl out. Give a heads up that I need to eat something cause I have gone bat shit crazy. Thanks *kisses*