Tag Archives: blogging

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Standard
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’ve come to the point in my academic career where I am three weeks from being DONE unless I want to be a doctor (I do not.) And while I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can’t seem to bring myself to close the gap. I am just done. It’s like I am halfway up the stairs to some magical f**king Nirvana and out of breath and just don’t give a sh*t anymore. Screw enlightenment. From conversations with most of my fellow classmates, this seems to be a general consensus;  however the fact that my apathy is shared does not push me through this ONE. LAST. WRITING. ASSIGNMENT.

And I know others are spending day after day, hour after hour working tirelessly on this same assignment that I will put much less work into for probably the same grade.

Bring on the guilt.

I find myself wasting time doing other things that I rationalize have to do with my assignment, like creating a cover page that has fancy stuff on it for my portfolio or coming up with amazing acronyms for the name of a program….Or going on Facebook to ask an opinion on wording when lo and behold it has been 2 hours and I haven’t accomplished anything besides getting lost in the timesuck.

Then I feel guilty.

So to get myself back in the right head space to critically self reflect and develop myself as a professional, I come onto this blog and write a new post or a poem or whatever else I can do to keep my ass in this seat sort of focused on coming back to this stupid assignment…

AND SURPRISE  I feel guilty for sitting on my ass. So I go do some burpees cause I said I would and I do some yoga, then I remember I need to flip the laundry and I haven’t eaten today and then a kid needs something like to be fed or paid attention to or clean underwear or someone texts me or calls me or I check my email to see if someone wrote me saying HEY!!!!! COME WORK FOR US NOWWWWWWWWWWW….then when they haven’t I decide to distract myself with some Game of Thrones or turn on slacker to lament out loud with rhythm and the pretend impressionistic stylings of me as Lily Allen or Amy Winehouse or Nina Simone…..then I walk past the desk and see my dry erase board with its giant letters that say:

TRANSFER SUMMARY DUE 5-31-13

PORTFOLIO DUE 6-5-13

TAKE HOME EXAM DUE 6-6-13

And I feel guilty so I sit my big ass back down at the desk.

I do some amazing work for a few and then decide to check on craigslist and the state website for any new job postings because:

I need a muthatruckin J-O-B!

Like a month ago I need one. And I don’t have one. I have so many bills due in like 2 weeks. OMFG

And the student loans….the student loans are enough to make me contemplate skydiving.

So I feel guilty.

Boo. Guilt is a worthless emotion and has not inspired me one iota to take care of business.

Onward.

The state or quality of being resolute

Standard
The state or quality of being resolute
res·o·lu·tion  (rz-lshn) n.
1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.
2. A resolving to do something.
3. A course of action determined or decided on.
4. A formal statement of a decision or expression of opinion put before or adopted by an assembly such as the U.S. Congress.
5. Physics & Chemistry The act or process of separating or reducing something into its constituent parts:the prismatic resolution of sunlight into its spectral colors.
6. The fineness of detail that can be distinguished in an image, as on a video display terminal.
7. Medicine The subsiding or termination of an abnormal condition, such as a fever or an inflammation.
8. Law A court decision.
9. a. An explanation, as of a problem or puzzle; a solution. b. The part of a literary work in which the complications of the plot are resolved or simplified.
10. Music a. The progression of a dissonant tone or chord to a consonant tone or chord. b. The tone or chord to which such a progression is made.
11. The substitution of one metrical unit for another, especially the substitution of two short syllables for one long syllable in quantitative verse.

Every year I come up with the same resolutions as most of the western world and the same resolutions are broken every year. This year, this year of the goddess magic number 13, my 33rd year…..I am doing something different. I am not going to resolve to eat less meat or more meat, I am not going to resolve to stop smoking (cause I did it in June 2011 BOOM).

I am not going to resolve to drink less or cuss less or focus on any of the things I find negative about myself. Even the world resolution implies a problem….I am changing my perspective and I am going to focus on things that are positive. With that in mind, I share with you the following 10 determinations as always to be shared in this public forum as a means of keeping myself accountable. Salud.
  1. I shall continue my self-care through various means of self-development such as painting, continuing affirmations, meditation, finishing my french courses, blogging, playing my guitar, writing poetry, yoga, walking, etc. 
  2. I shall finish the following workbooks and actually do the work…When I got with my husband I stopped the work and that was a mistake: You can Heal your life by Louise Hays and my new one Getting Unstuck by Karen Casey.
  3. I shall continue to establish, reestablish and strengthen my own boundaries.
  4. I shall only encourage and accept things that make me glow into my life.
  5. I shall strive to meet people where they are.
  6. I shall read for knowledge, enlightenment, pleasure and requirement…in balance.
  7. I shall strive for balance in all things and be ever mindful of this immediate goal.
  8. I shall be outside, in nature as often as possible, with and without purpose, even if this means the death of my facebook.
  9. I shall let go of things and reduce my clutter. Physically, mentally and abstractually.
  10. I shall work to stay present.

“The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not “the thinker.” ~Eckhart Tolle

2012 in review

Standard

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,500 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 11 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Only the lonely….

Standard
Only the lonely….

L.M. Montgomery said that “Only lonely people keep journals.” I have to agree. I grew up keeping a diary which I later called a journal (so much more sophisticated) and a book of poems…I started in 4th grade. I found my solace and friends in books, regardless of who wrote them. We moved a lot and always lived in the middle of BFE, so my siblings and my horse were my only constant companions. Social scientists say now that we social media junkies are narcissists, that we think every thought we have is a gem. I don’t think I have breached that point, yet. I share a lot of news and observations, not a lot of  “I just ate a banana.” ” I just took a sh*t.” “I just turned on my computer,” crap. But I think it is more of a matter of loneliness we feel, wanting to feel connected to the world, rather than a matter of narcissism.

Now granted, I realize there is a generation full of wannabe Snookis and JWOWWs, but I am speaking of the people who aren’t fame seeking, oversharing whores. Just the ones who feel that they want to connect with someone besides themselves, to know that others feel the same way they do. Myself, I haven’t journaled truly since I got my first Myspace, I wrote a lot of notes then. I printed them off when I closed my account and I kept them in a notebook. Facebook has provided a sort of venting platform and twitter is amazing for quick little blips, updates and links to news stories.

BUT this blog: this blog has become my new journal. I still have my poetry book (number 4 at this point in my life) and I write in it often. I share a few of those poems here, but really they are mine. Not really fit for human consumption. Maybe after I am dead. I try to keep the blog knowledgeable for the masses, cathartic for me, and vague enough when referencing real people that only those people and a very select few realize whom I am actually speaking of. Its my mini-therapy.

I suppose I am lonely.

But you are reading this, so maybe you are too.

This world keeps getting smaller, yet the spaces between us keep on growing.

You should check out my friend’s blog.

Standard

She is smart. She has some valuable info for you people with kids, who want kids, who work with kids, who like kids.

The above aren’t mutually inclusive or exclusive.

The adventures of Cassandra….super social worker extraordinaire.

Go forth. Read. Do good. Be love.