Category Archives: Social Media

How could I forget?

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How could I forget?

How much I love(d) Sarah McLachlan… whilst listening a soul sucking mean social media music provider, this song came on: Drawn to the rhythm and afterward I fell in a rabbit hole. The second CD that I ever bought was ‘fumbling towards ecstasy’. I think I was 13 or 14 and I spent the next few months with it on repeat constantly. I really felt connected to the words/songs and thought that they meant one thing, and I suppose then it did. I listened to the entire album today. I found myself instantly reconnecting. It was like visiting an old friend, one that you held secrets with and wax nostalgic but realize how much you’ve both changed. You realize with age and hindsight your previous way of understanding things are no longer the reality. 

To you at least, everything has changed and you have a hard time remembering what made you love them before, because you didn’t even know then, the things that make you love them now. Ha. Perhaps this doesn’t make anymore sense in written form than it did outloud, but in my mind it was quite a profound thought to me. 

Which led me to the train of thought about sharing things with friends or people you consider to wise, as you respect and value what they think and say. I’ve been having some pretty big contemplations as I’m want to do, as soon as things slow down, become complacent, comfortable (usually during the winter). I started thinking about the people that I would talk to then, and now, and the differences in how I would make decisions based upon what they would say. For example, I need to make a couple big decisions in the very near future and if I asked ten of my “go to people” (ha, ten is a stretch of people I would talk to about things) and how I could anticipate the ten, very different opinions they would give. They would be based on who they are, what they know about me, what they know about the situations, where they are in their own moods, lives, development, maturity, what they could have to gain or lose based on the outcome of the decision, etc. etc. etc.

And like the lyrics and meanings of songs, it’s all up to the listener’s present, their parallels to draw, their position to filter through. 

So how does one make a decision about big things? Do you meditate? Ask your parent? What if that’s not an option? Peers? Siblings? Bosses? Therapist? TAROT for goddess’s sake? (Which again, is just like the lyrics… concrete definitions are applied to the words which communicate the meaning of the song but what is heard and inferred, well… that’s on the listener.)

Who knows. Maybe I just think too much. Just watch the lovely Sarah not trying to guilt you into gifting to the ASPCA. Isn’t she beautiful? Ughhh it kills me. 


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When a part becomes apart…

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When a part becomes apart…

I have previously written about loneliness, here. It is interesting to me how loneliness changes and presents itself; and in what situations. I have often lamented in real life and all forms of my “virtual” life that communication is becoming less personal, like AI. No longer are skills like reading people, situations, exchanging energy, gazes that inspired poets, as valued…or learned. There is an entire generation growing up, (socially disadvantaged in my opinion) without making eye contact, without interacting, without the time or distance to be mindful about what they say or how they react to things. We cause ourselves anxiety over not getting likes, not getting responses back, etc. In our effort to feel a part of something, we make ourselves apart. We can be in the same room as someone and not even look at them. Cursory, rote greetings have become a standard. We sit at restaurants with our loved ones and don’t make eye contact… with our lovers, our parents, our kids.

We get some sort of a chemical addiction to the instant gratification… Our Pavlovian response encourages us continue the high… the goddamn blue bubbles of solace. But we may have someone LITERALLY right next to us. And yet, we seek communication from the ether…We have a cognitive dissonance about the links between loneliness and being alone. Because those of us, with the privilege to have technology, have created a culture of slumber parties consisting of a group of adolescents snapchatting each other from the same room, no one looking at the stars unless they can get a pic of them, instagram, pinterest, etc. We are past the point of sexual revolution gratuitous hook ups, online dating, facebooking, pornography, vines, vaguebooking, comparing ourselves to real and imagined foes, stalking, bullying, trolling, sexting, mentally checking out, gaming, hunting, shooting, racing, battling, flying, etc….

ALL WITHOUT BEING WITHIN THE PHYSICAL PRESENCE OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. 

It truly makes me very sad. For us all. Now granted, I know #noteveryperson whatever. BUT we are going that way and very fucking fast. I am guilty. You are too. You are reading a goddamn blog that was either in your email, on your twitter, on your facebook, googleplusokcupidpinterestKiKtindergrindrzoosk, whatever the fuck. You didn’t come looking for a blog by Jani B.

I am lonely a lot. And upon a lot of alone and lonely time countered with a lot of around people and still lonely time, I have realized it is not the being alone part that bothers me, it really is the loneliness. When you have an entire manic world in your head to talk to someone about and no one asks. When you spend all day giving and giving to people who are not in a position to give back, and you are spent, lonely. When you have an amazing day and want to share it with ANYONE but all that is available is social media..or yourself… When you are in an office full of people, all day, all week, and unless it is a client or someone needing something, no one talks to you. When you shut off your Facebook and the only people that contact you now are family members wanting to know if you blocked them specifically. I am lonely at times around friends because I am either so up in my own head that I am not really interacting with them or they are so engaged with someone else my introvertedness makes me wilt and seem disinterested.

I have always prided myself on my communication and intuitive skills. Technology however, has made me crazy, made me anxious. I am happy that I grew up in an era where real life communication skills were more important than properly formatted for office politic emails. Back in the good ol’ days when you didn’t abbreviate much and spelling counted, in love letters, gossip notes, poetry, cards, and invitations. When you used words, those oh so important words, combined with physical existence, body language, and observed emotion, not texted emoji.

I think that is why so many elderly couples die so close together or remarry so quickly. The loneliness. So many losses…having someone breathing next to you at night, someone that no matter what is going on out there, you know you have someone to share with here. The loss of that must wreck havoc on the soul, the heart, the immune system. I know what I experience after not having that for a much shorter time than the elderly couple I imagine. I cannot even fathom what it would be like after 30, 40, 50 years.

I fear for the current and future generations. Those with the skinniest thumbs and curviest necks will evolve via natural selection in an unnatural way. Homo Curva. That’s the next evolutionary leap.

We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness. —Albert Schweitzer

 

#KONY2012 (No other title seems appropriate)

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#KONY2012 (No other title seems appropriate)

I know the world is a terrible place with terrible people in it.

I also know the world is a wonderous place with wonderful people in it.

Sometimes, when I am caught up in my first world problems and feeling so full of self-pity, the Universe sends me something to remind me of my path and the content of my vision board; a contrast to show me I am a fat american pig with no real problems. I live a blessed life. And so do you. The fact that you are reading this tells me so.

Often, the Universe sends me things via one of my oldest friends and someone who knows me better than I know myself. Oddly, these things come just when I need them. Kismet, you might say.

I digress.

Regardless of how I come upon things, here is my call to action for you today. Just watch this and share it. Awareness is a start. Knowledge is all I am asking of you. 29 minutes of your time and a reblog.  A retweet. A Facebook share. An email.

Joseph Kony via Invisible Children

http://www.kony2012.com

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/frontline

What the hell is wrong with people today? Really? DV is not ok.

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What the hell is wrong with people today? Really? DV is not ok.

Last night I thoroughly enjoyed 70% of the Grammys. I did however comment throughout the night on twitter and Facebook about the fact that I find it somewhat odd that Chris Brown seems to have redeemed himself in the eyes of the world, even though we all saw pictures of what he did. Mel Gibson is still a PR disaster and Hollywood pariah, even though we only heard his crazy rants and he is alleged to have hit his baby mama. Chris Brown was allowed to perform two times last night and even won a Grammy. Are you kidding?

Now, I admit I am perhaps a little hypocritical in that I enjoy Mel Gibson movies and use a lot of Charlie Sheenisms; he after all locked a hooker in a closet, participated in drug fueled mutual combat with his baby mama and shot Kelly Preston once upon a time. But I don’t encourage my children to emulate them.

So what pisses me off more about Chris Brown? What filled my Twitter feed last night? What was I shared with on Facebook?

This:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/horrible-reactions-to-chris-brown-at-the-grammys

So am I to believe we forgive violent actions faster and easier than hateful words? I do not get it. Both are terrible. Both are disgusting. Both contribute to cycles that I believe we have been trying desperately to end. This isn’t just a female issue either. Females aren’t the only victims of Domestic Violence and men aren’t the only perpetrators.  But what are we showing kids? That if you are a good dancer you can do this:

and get a Grammy?

I think the Grammy Foundation really screwed up. But what do I know.

I do know that:

  1. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
  2. An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
  3. 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
  4. Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.
  5. Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
  6. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
  7. Almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.
  8. In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.
  9. Less than one-fifth of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury.
  10. Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits each year.
  11. Domestic violence is one of the most chronically under-reported crimes.

So if it is underreported, how many really happen? how many are female vs. man, female vs. female, or male vs male? This is an issue that cuts across all ages, cultures, genders, sexual orientations, and socioeconomic statuses. This is not something we should be celebrating. If Chris Brown has gone to classes and “recovered,” great. Good for him. But out of respect for Rihanna, out of respect for kids looking for role models, please go away.

I digressed from my original intent. Oops.

Not totally removed from the girls I previously spoke of that picked the Patriots because of how the QB looked, we now have girls saying that because someone is a good dancer and because he is good-looking, they would let him “beat them.” I guess we forgive actions faster than words, especially if you are young and hot.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Had any of you girls ever had a man hit you, saw your mom get hit, had to deal with the aftermath, physical or emotional of an abusive relationship or had a lick of sense in you, you would never say such asinine things. Get a clue. FUCK

http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

Oh, the places you will go!~Dr. Seuss

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Oh, the places you will go!~Dr. Seuss

So I went to the placement fair to try and figure out some of the potential places for my clinical practicum…I narrowed it down to 6 places and they all make my heart glow:

Check them out:

Mission: To prevent HIV infections, support and empower people affected and infected by HIV/AIDS, and eliminate HIV/AIDS-related stigma.

http://cascadeaids.org/

Mission:

Our mission is to help homeless youth and other marginalized people move towards improved health and self-sufficiency. We are…

  • Service providers and advocates.
  • Experts in understanding adolescents.
  • A Federally Qualified Health Center.
  • A licensed Mental Health Agency.
  • Leaders in serving GLBTQ youth.

We believe…

  • In dignity, hope, and resiliency.
  • In innovation.
  • Our clients can get through current challenges.
  • Young people need trusting adults to thrive.
  • In meeting people where they are.
  • In a strengths-based approach.

http://www.outsidein.org/

Mission: The Bradley Angle mission is to offer survivors of domestic and sexual violence options for safety, empowerment, healing and hope, while collaborating with our communities to create social change.

As we work to bring an end to domestic violence, Bradley Angle embraces the following values:

  • We empower individuals and communities to take action and eliminate domestic violence from their lives.
  • We are committed to demystifying domestic violence and to giving voice to those touched by it.
  • We offer a safe, non-judgmental and welcoming environment for all domestic violence survivors, offering individualized services that meet a wide range of cultural and personal needs.
  • We believe all people, regardless of race, age, gender identity, background, sexual orientation or religion, deserve to live in a world where physical, emotional, and sexual abuse are not tolerated.

http://bradleyangle.org/

Mission: The mission of NARA, NW is to provide education, physical and mental health services and substance abuse treatment that is culturally appropriate to American Indians, Alaska Natives and other vulnerable populations.

http://www.naranorthwest.org/

Mission: In partnership with the communities we serve, the Health Department assures, promotes and protects the health of the people of Multnomah County.

  • We believe that health is a “state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” (World Health Organization, 1978)
  • We honor the diversity of the individuals and communities we serve and value their differing approaches to health and well-being.
  • We believe in partnerships to improve the health of our communities.
  • We believe the department’s actions should assist our communities in addressing underlying factors that affect good health.
  • We value effective leadership as a fundamental tool to improve the health of our communities.
  • We believe in being responsible stewards of the public trust and resources.
  • We value a diverse staff and believe our staff should be selected with care, treated with respect, held accountable for their performance and encouraged in their personal growth.
  • We believe in continuously improving the quality of our work.
  • We believe in balancing scientific knowledge and practical experience with the wisdom and beliefs of those we serve to improve the health of our communities.
  • We emphasize prevention, health promotion and early intervention.

http://web.multco.us/health

Mission: Honor America’s veterans by providing exceptional health care that improves their health and well-being.

http://www.portland.va.gov/vancouver.asp

I love that some places are beginning to transition and recognize different populations than they have traditionally, i.e. domestic violence shelters are beginning to recognize, anticipate and serve men and LGBTQ2S populations.

I am so excited to be able to do this part of my education out of Idaho.

No news yet on whether the VA will have any LGBTQ2S services but eventually they have to. I hope 🙂

So that’s what I am….an INFJ…a Bibliovore….Hmmmm

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So that’s what I am….an INFJ…a Bibliovore….Hmmmm

So the hubby had to take a personality test for school and in a nutshell, his personality parallel was Eeyore:

Which is funny for two reasons 1) because I USED to be described as thus. “Don’t pay any attention to me, nobody ever does…” and 2) because I would have described him as Tigger….Methinks he doth put on a  show for the world….

I digress.

I wondered what character I would be….So I took the test and lo and behold; I didn’t get a cartoon character. I got Nicole Kidman. WTF does that mean? I like short guys? Anywhoo….I did find it interesting that the careers it provided for me were mostly things I enjoy and have done or am going to school to become, with the exception of librarian. But anyone who knows me knows I have a library and consume books voraciously like a “bibliovore”(I should trademark that). If you are interested in giving it a shot for the hell of it, here is the link:

Who are you?

75%

Logical-Mathematical

63%

Visual-Spatial

58%

Intrapersonal

44%

Interpersonal

88%

Musical

44%

Bodily-Kinesthetic

42%

Naturalistic

33%

Your Type is
INFJ

Introverted

Intuitive

Feeling

Judging

Strength of the preferences %

11

12

50

11

INFJ type description by D.Keirsey
INFJ Identify Your Career with Jung Career Indicator™      INFJ Famous Personalities 
INFJ type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

  • slightly expressed introvert
  • slightly expressed intuitive personality
  • moderately expressed feeling personality
  • slightly expressed judging personality
  • Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.
  • Counselors are scarce, little more than three percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.
  • Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people’s feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.
  • Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another’s emotions or intentions – good or evil – even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others’ feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor’s remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

YOUR TYPE

I

N

F

J

Strength of the preferences %

11

12

50

11

Jung Career Indicator™ determines careers most suitable for your type from personality type standpoint. Based on your personality type, the following is a list of your most suitable occupations along with some examples of educational institutions, where you can receive a relevant degree or training. Please click institution name for more information. Invite your friends to discover most suitable for them careers.

Career

Educational Institutions

click   Social Service   for more schools

Social Work
Education        
Librarian
Law  

click   Health Care   for more schools

Early Childhood Education   
Psychology/Psychotherapist
Counseling  

click   Arts / Humanities   for more schools

Design  
Science  

Famous people of your particular type

John Bradshaw, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, John Calvin, Nicole Kidman

And so it begins, the end is near? 2012 and junk…

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So I was thinking about the hoopla surrounding 2012 and all the varying thoughts/theories on it. Is it the end? Is it a shift in consciousness? Zombie Apocalypse? Are the aliens coming? Did I really fail to get recruited by the Illuminati in time? Were the Mayans just bored and decided to stop? Are the Reptilians coming? Is the 12th planet coming into our scope? Phone home Nibiru? Is the rapture coming? Is it a metaphorical end? Is it when Walter comes to know Walternate? Is Alex Jones right? Is Tom Cruise right? Was Zecharia Sitchin right? Will the election trigger the end? Will there be mail service in the FEMA camps? Is the NWO using the 2012 hype as a mass distraction put their own evil agendas into action? I don’t know. AAAAAGGGGHHHHH these are the thoughts that consume my brain power when I am not in school with required reading! And you wonder why I frequently am an insomniac…..

Anyone who knows me knows I am a little bit of a conspiracy theorist and suspects I wear an aluminum foil hat (when anyone who knows anything knows that you have to use TIN foil, duh). What I do know is that the first time I heard anything about the 12-21-2012 date was when I was pregnant with my son, 15 years ago. My best friend and her husband, Brian, were living with us and we spoke about it at length several times. I am not sure where he had even heard of it but since he was originally from California, I probably just assumed that being as sophisticated and worldly as being Californian makes you that everyone there knew. Ha. How naive I was, in all of my pregnant 16-year-old glory…

I digress.

Regardless, December 21, 2012 seemed like a science fiction date then. “In the year 2012….” cue the action movie score…..Now it is here and I am not sure what to think. I have made preparations for at least 6 scenarios; another 3 I have decided require no action on my part. Given my geographic location, those scenarios pretty much guarantee my imminent death. I have made peace with that.

In the event that life doesn’t change, my 2nd anniversary goes on without a hitch and my student loans remain a blemish on my soul, I wish you a premature Happy Solstice!

What are your plans for 2012? Life as usual?

Passages Malibu?

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Just a quick observation: I just saw a commercial for a rehab center that showed happy people and was being narrated by the “co-founder” who stated that its not a 12 step program its a whole life program and he should know, because he was an addict for 10 years and now he is not.

Um, I believe that is exactly the opposite of what they are supposed to teach….once an addict always an addict? Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic? You are just clean and sober now right? Meh, sorry, that verbiage irritated me. They should have a better PR person.

The metaphorical degradation of communication and relationships via social media

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Several things in the last few weeks have made me realize that the entire concept in the movie Wall-e is not that far from us. We no longer make eye contact, at first I noticed it when I went back to college ten years after my first attempt. Back in the olden days of 1996, people talked to each other, waved, made initial contact with strangers. When I went back in 2005 I noticed everyone was walking with their heads down texting or talking on their cell phones. I didn’t get a fancy cellphone until the next year when I was 26, which is like cellphone ancient right? Still, it baffled me no one wanted to talk. I used to joke that we were going to de-evolve into creatures with necks that are crooked down because people who’s necks are straight would never have the opportunity to breed because they aren’t hooking up via text. Its actually not so funny now.

Then I got a myspace. I was addicted, I admit it. I was married to someone who was gone 40 weeks a year and drunk the other 12 with 3 kids in the middle of bumfuck Filer, Idaho. I needed myspace. It served a purpose. Then I got a life and shut it down.

For reasons I no longer remember I got a facebook; maybe cause all the cool kids were doing it, maybe to communicate with something about school. Honestly, I don’t remember. But anyway, it again became my way to communicate with people and share things I found interesting and pictures and blah blah blah all the magical things that facebook does. Over the last couple years I have shut it off for a day to weeks at a time because I get so sick of texting and only seeing people online. I even said “el oh el” out loud once. Serious. How lame is that? I consider myself a political advocate, but I, like most of my generation and those to come after, vent on social sites and feel better while never doing the work, never getting arrested or peppersprayed in the face for sitting on my ass somewhere other than in front of my magical telescreen facebook. We vent and feel like we did something when we didn’t really. Just created a statement that can never really be erased. But that is ok, because unless you are really important and a political powerhouse such as Lindsey Lohan or Alec Baldwin, no one gives a shit what you say.

I digress.

Anyway, every time I turned my facebook off, I eventually turned it back on to communicate with people because its apparently too hard to use a phone or a cell phone or our feet to say hi to someone. Everyone says Facebook me. Tweet me. G+me. wordpress me. message me. stardoll me. WTF ever one uses. Even if you live next door. Its beyond frustrating. I turned my facebook off again a week and a half ago; it took my 97 friends (of which 23 were family) a week for 6 of them to notice. Or atleast notice and try and call to make sure I hadn’t committed suicide other than technological. That was beyond confirmation that no one communicates anymore.

Atleast not in real life.

People create intimate pseudo-relationships with people online. We have things called “emotional affairs” because someone can get caught up in the magical anonymity of chat rooms and Facebook and reestablishing relationships that ended years ago (usually for good reason) with people that we only present the best parts of ourselves to online, because it validates us, makes us feel good when the things in our lives become mundane, banal or even simply difficult. Online is a fantasy. It can become an addiction.

It may be the first thing I truly had a difficult time walking away from so I am taking baby steps. I’m keeping my twitter. I’m keeping my WordPress. I’m keeping my email because I need it for work. But Facebook? Myspace? any of this other bullshit you guys keep wanting me to try, no way. Facebook shall never be twilighted. I am done. Eventually I will have to go back to get my pics off it. I know this. But I will do it in the middle of the night when no one can talk to me or attempt to suck me back into the opium den. As for real life? I’m here. I have a phone. Two in fact. I’m even listed these days. I am sending out cards for the holidays. No copy and pasted greetings online from me. You wanna actually talk to me? Pick up a phone and do something besides text.