Category Archives: 2012

I went without the heels this time, @BitchinKitchen….

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I went without the heels this time, @BitchinKitchen….

So I am really getting into this whole supperclub challenge deal. I’m kinda crushin on Nadia G these days…plus no man would have ever got me to cook in heels….

Anyhoo….This week was Creamy Gorgonzola and Portobello Risotto.

The recipe is as follows:

INGREDIENTS

  • 3 cups organic chicken stock
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 4 Portobello mushrooms, diced
  • 1 yellow onion, minced
  • Sea salt
  • 2 cups Arborio rice
  • 3/4 cup good white wine
  • 1/2 cup crumbled gorgonzola
  • 1/3 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
  • Freshly cracked pepper

DIRECTIONS

Bring the chicken stock to a bare simmer in a saucepan.Meanwhile, heat the butter and olive oil in a medium pot over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until golden, 1 minute. Add the mushrooms, onions and 1 teaspoon sea salt and saute for 8 minutes. Stir in the rice and cook for 2 minutes. Deglaze with the wine and cook until the wine has reduced completely. Ladle in the simmering broth, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly until the rice absorbs all the broth before adding more. Repeat until all the broth has been added and the rice is al dente, about 20 minutes. Stir in the cheeses and a pinch of sea salt and pepper.Spoon the risotto into bowls and enjoy.

Recipe is from: Cookin’ For Trouble by Nadia G., copyright (c) 2011. Published by Ballantine Books.

But I, being me, had to change it up a bit…

For starters, I had to use vegetable broth as the boy child is allergic to poultry, I cut back on the salt because I find Gorgonzola ridiculously salty and I added extra garlic just cause, I am partial to it…also, I added more broth to compensate for the fact that I felt compelled to add some asparagus because the dish looked a little flat and neutral….

I dig the bright green happy little spear trees…(I’m having a Bob Ross moment….won’t you share it with me? all the happy little asparagus spear trees……)

Whoa. Ok back to cooking….The recipe also gave me a good excuse to buy some Cupcake Wine (from Livermore, Ca, where my bestie lives) besides what I have on the rack, cause I don’t stock white wine 🙂

Here’s what it looked like with a few little Jani tweeks:

 

Put on your tin foil hats, friends! Infact, PUT ON TWO!

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Put on your tin foil hats, friends! Infact, PUT ON TWO!

Ok, so if anyone wants to get all Sheldon Cooper on me, now would be a GREAT time to do so. I was going to write something poignant today, as I have time. BUT this makes my brain seize.

Seriously watch the video. I mean, WTF is that????

Nibiru?

What if, in some way, the sun was like a stargate….and Nibiru was coming OUT of the sun…..Annunaki phone home?

*cue the foreboding music*

If you are not familiar with the concept of Nibiru, basically it is a theory by several “crazy” astronomers (no really! Like the earth is round psssh) and others, made popular by author Zecharia Sitchin that basically states:

“A large-scale hypothetical planet that’s part of our solar system with an orbit beyond that of Neptune. Was first hypothesized in 1841 when astronomers noticed Uranus did not move as predicted in its orbit. Based on these residuals, the search for Planet X began. Please keep in mind, I’m not a graphic artist. (doh) But most importantly, the dates illustrated below are just to ROUND OFF for purpose’s of simplicity. The current figure generally accepted by science is that planet x/Nibiru is on a 3600 year elongated (elliptical) solar orbit. My personal calculations put this at 4320.26 years <—!!!Wrong!!! (See Below). Since this is closest to 4000 years I thought it would be fair enough when referring to a chronological scale of human/earth history.This means that PlanetX/Nibiru is visible every 2000 (2,160) years during its orbital pass. ( Sumerian and Mayan text both state that Nibiru is clearly visible by day as well as night )That being said, all science arenas confirm that the below charted events took place in the past at around those periods. The debate of course, is when exactly they occurred, and what exactly caused them to occur which isn’t relevant for our purpose. You’ll clearly see that the timeline’s show something happens on a catastrophic scale every 4000 years (or so). The Sumerians told us that Nibiru wreaks havoc with the earth’s axis every second orbital pass. (Every 4000 years or so). Basically, Earth’s axis processed from a right tilt forward and probably 180 to the left in around 10 or 20 hours due to the gravitational “jolt” that takes place.Hmmmmm…The Sumerian mathematics system might seem odd at first, but it’s actually ideal for geometry, calculation with fractions, and time. The hour was divided into 60 minutes of 60 seconds each by the Mesopotamians using their sexagesimal system of counting. Sumerians state that Geometry and Astronomy was the language bestowed upon them by the gods (flesh and blood gods) and is still used by Freemason architects today gaining knowledge on their Templar crusades in the Middle East. (The Templars disbanded and later reappeared as Freemasons).Hmmmmm… So, are the Sumerians lying and it’s actually just a myth as modern religion would have you think? Only problem is, they have this documented 4000 years before Christians even existed. Anyway, its clear I back up this claim. Me and that pesky science fella. 🙂 Various studies of Sumerian mathematics point out that the numerals are intimately connected to the processional cycle. The unusual alternating structure of the Sumerian sexagesimal system throws special emphasis on the number 12,960,000, which represents exactly 500 great processional cycles of 25,920 years.The lack of any connotations, other than astronomical, for the multiples of 25,920 and 2,160 can only suggest a deliberate design for astronomical purposes, yes? I think we can all agree on that.Therefore, my suspicions strongly indicate that the revolutionary orbit of this 12th planet Nibiru could not consist of 3,600 years, but of 4,320 years. Assuming that’s correct, then what would the consequences be? If a whole new calculation is performed from the time of the great flood, which according to Alford occurred in 10,983 BCish, with the new orbital pass every 2,160 years.” (http://churchofcriticalthinking.org/planetx.html)

Just food for thought.

Carry on, sheeple. 🙂

Oh wait! Did you know that today is National Uranus Day? Coincidence? I think not. 😛

Pi day Update: For an official explanation I found today (sounds like hogwash to me….) click here: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/14/ufo_sphere_solar_eruption/

#KONY2012 (No other title seems appropriate)

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#KONY2012 (No other title seems appropriate)

I know the world is a terrible place with terrible people in it.

I also know the world is a wonderous place with wonderful people in it.

Sometimes, when I am caught up in my first world problems and feeling so full of self-pity, the Universe sends me something to remind me of my path and the content of my vision board; a contrast to show me I am a fat american pig with no real problems. I live a blessed life. And so do you. The fact that you are reading this tells me so.

Often, the Universe sends me things via one of my oldest friends and someone who knows me better than I know myself. Oddly, these things come just when I need them. Kismet, you might say.

I digress.

Regardless of how I come upon things, here is my call to action for you today. Just watch this and share it. Awareness is a start. Knowledge is all I am asking of you. 29 minutes of your time and a reblog.  A retweet. A Facebook share. An email.

Joseph Kony via Invisible Children

http://www.kony2012.com

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/frontline

The state of the world as I know it and random thoughts by Jani Handey

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The state of the world as I know it and random thoughts by Jani Handey
  1. Cartier makes beautiful commercials.
  2. Political issues worldwide and in Syria are going to make me unable to afford gas. I should fill up today.
  3. I am taking a waiver exam and hope it makes it so I don’t have to take stats again.
  4. I am applying for a magical internship and want it soooo bad.
  5. My arm is molting and I like it.
  6. I have an insatiable desire to shout “Ca-Cao” the next time I engage in coitus.
  7. I heart the big bang theory.
  8. My car is making an interesting noise in the front end driver’s side. I believe it may be a brake pad, but my super fab kids have suggested: rock in the caliper, hubcap rub, u-joint and bad brakes. They rock.
  9. Dru from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not nearly as beautiful as I remember, but Spike is. Also, I still get pumped every time I hear the theme song. 
  10. I bought a baby gate to keep my attachment disordered dog away from the door when we are trying to sleep and he learned how to jump over it. Bastard.
  11. I want my back to look like Christina Aquilera’s in “Burlesque.”
  12. I have my whole first routine figured out for when I am a Burlesque dancer, now I just need to get to a point I am comfortable doing it in front of people.
  13. I went to Lacey, Washington yesterday and I believe that I would like it there or Olympia better. Just saying.
  14. I am about to take finals for my first term at this new school and I feel good about it.
  15. I think that Jack White, Johnny Depp and I could have made sweet music and babies together.
  16. There are 3 places open on my culdesac and only one set of less than lovely neighbors. I hope we get 3 good households, not more partiers. Especially since one of them will be right next to moi.
  17. Working out with Tracy Anderson videos makes me feel like a seizing hippo ballerina.
  18. Earthquake in San Fran area…precursor?

I guess that’s all. Carry on. Wish me luck. Happy thoughts!

For the love of sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus, this will teach me to stick my nose in other people’s business

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For the love of sweet ancient baby alien space monkey Jebus, this will teach me to stick my nose in other people’s business

Back in December, during my sworn off from Facebook month and a half of grieving,  I came home to find my neighbor who I am to this day convinced was a meth head engaged in battery against someone who did not live with her but I had seen there. I don’t remember all the details really, but doing my mandatory reporting and sick of their BS duty, I called it in. Today, I get a bloody subpoena in the mail to testify against who I am only aware of being a victim.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Now I have to go to court at 8 am on MY day off.

Now I have to testify in court.

Now I have to try to remember details.

Now I have to go to the police department and ask for my report so I can remember wtf happened. I don’t know. I don’t remember. I didn’t realize doing the right thing as a neighbor required me to know what happened indeterminately. Damnit.

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to interfere.

But I am going to be a social worker. Am I required to save the world and report everything? Yes. I have to try. With great power comes great responsibility. And I suppose that means being subpoenaed. Damnit.

I hope he plea bargains. Or they realize that I have nothing to add to their case against HIM. I only saw HER hit him. Why am I being called as a witness against HIM? Oy.

Couples’ tattoos, a cursed thing….

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Couples’ tattoos, a cursed thing….

***UPDATE*****12/28/2012

I wasn’t brilliant. There are no loopholes. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ONE.  DOH

Unless you are brilliant like me.

I’m sort of addicted to tattoos. Seriously. But I like to think of them as a diary I cannot lose. I have 14, if you count one cover up that only I and a certain tattoo artist are aware of.

But I remember where I was, who I loved, what I loved, who I was, what I was doing, how I was doing, where I was going and who I wanted to be when I got each and every one of my tattoos.

I don’t regret any of them, even the stupid ass thread, needle and art class misappropriated India ink one.

Even though mine is the only one who got to keep that one because I picked blue, everyone else’s went away within a couple damn weeks….

Even though it may have started on my chest and ended up migrating Southeast without the proper permissions later….

Meh, I digress.

Regardless, these are the rules for getting a tattoo with an other, be it friend, lover, spouse, whatever…

You have to get something meaningful that doesn’t involve names or dates.

They can’t match exactly.

And they have to conceptually ‘make something together, but be complete alone.’

And you have to have an artist that listens and knows what you want, works with it and doesn’t make you feel like a tool.

A fabulous artist like Chris Graham at Altered Reality.

Yay!

I can’t wait to get my next huge piece on my back, connecting 3 other tattoos….

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Dream interpretation 101

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Dream interpretation 101

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up and ask yourself WTF, that meant something, what am I missing? A onetime friend used to refer to them as “cosmic 2x4s,” the things that the Universe uses to smack you upside your head and get you to pay attention.

Typically, I find them easy to self analyse, for example: I once dreamnt that I was shopping for onion which I knew made me cry so hard and I was afraid of cutting them, but I had to go through all sorts of trouble to go to this one store to buy this one onion that they hid in the store because it was shaped square and I could cut it easily, quickly and without looking. It was a mindless act that I had to complete because my family needed that onion for supper.

Suffice it to say, my ex-husband was represented by the onion.

Anywhoo….

Did I digress? A little.

The dream I had which I need your help dissecting is as follows:

I’m walking through somewhere I have never been, enjoying it until I start getting angry because this woman keeps walking in front of me and I can’t get around her. I finally yell and push past her, behaving very badly, flipping her off and calling her everything but a woman. Then I feel embarrassed suddenly and turn down a road I did not intend to go down, and walk into some sort of marketplace that appears to be like an indoor flea market or bazaar…It seems familiar, or at least the items being sold there do.

In between all of these different booths and set ups and tables are randomly placed merry-go-rounds, slides, gates, nets, stairs, things meant for playing AND obstacles as well. I am attracted to one store in particular that has a pentagram above it, which I am not wiccan in the ‘wiccan religion” sense, but I usually subscribe to many things found in a store that would be described as such…just to give you some context for interpretation…So I make my way over there, deciding I should find some crystals or a book I want. Getting there is difficult to say the least. The damned woman is back, standing in my way. I don’t want to make a scene in the marketplace as I notice I am the only person who does not look middle-eastern and I am dressed in a way that would not be ok in the middle east traditionally if I am noticed (how I avoided being noticed I have no idea). So I take a deep breath and decided to backtrack and go AROUND the woman in a big circle.

As I am doing this, I cross caution tape, end up in a room that has beds and NUMEROUS sleeping babies…I assume that this is where the vender’s children are sleeping. But in that same room is a huge tree that has one very alive red rooster roosting in the branches looking at me. His beady eyes make me very uncomfortable so I go up 2 stairs to find a huge beautiful cherry table with 5 chairs around it and for some reason I look under it. There is a rug with a depression under it and I know that if I was to stand on it, I would fall through.

I then go around and rip through this netting that is separating that room from some concrete seats that are set up like a roman amphitheatre. I sit down and quietly wait for something to begin, like I knew I was coming to this place for a reason.

This is where I woke up.

Go to work peoples.

Chop, Chop.

Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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Husband Playbook Page 44: How to make up for being a freaking SCHMUCK

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 So without boring you with all the sordid, scandalous details, my dear sweet hubby has been a real schmuck lately. For at least the last month or so. Maybe since Christmas even 🙂 Valentine’s wasn’t the best, my birthday had its moments. He did however buy me a bazillion dollars worth of couture shoes and a fancy dress off of my “never gonna get any of this stuff” wish list, so he got SOME brownie points; last night however, got him off the hook for quite a while.

This is how my evening went:

I was at school all evening and received a text stating I needed to call him when I got to my park and ride location and not to ask questions. So I did that. I got home and once in my driveway noticed a note in a ziplock bag hanging on the garage door (to keep it dry of course, it rains here all the blessed time).

I called to let him know I was here to which he replied, “Stay in your car, I will call you when you can come in.” I asked if I should get the note or not and he said “NO stay in your car and I will call you when you can get it…”

I can follow instructions so I did that…

He called and advised me I could come in. I got the note:

So I did as it said, came in, to see our house immaculate, lit with no less than 20 deliciously scented candles and fragrant star-gazer lilies; my husband was standing near the dining room table dressed to the nines gesturing me up the stairs and Stevie Nicks “Belladonna” was playing on the record player.

I went upstairs to find my magical new dress, shoes, another note (that you will not be seeing ;)) and my bedroom alit with candles, lavender and fancy stones spread about.

I wondered where the dog and kids were, but only for a moment; I came to learn (the Girl Child had to zip my dress) that they were all in on it, the Boy Child had the dog in quarantine, the Girl Child was pretending to be asleep.

I went downstairs and danced with my husband in my fancy shoes.

We ate a most delicious Italian tiramisu/trifle like dish he prepared all by himself from scratch that was layered with chocolate cake, pudding, whip cream, kahlua and toffee with hand shaved chocolate curls…

Paired with the most expensive, delicious, well researched Port I have ever had the pleasure of putting on my tongue:

Then we played a game of cribbage all dressed to the nines, drinking wine by candle light. I won. (It may not sound romantic, but it’s how we roll)

Then he switched the record to:

Side 2 😉

Things got a little hotter. And I opted for my spa/massage treatment. The rest of the night is mine, you voyeuristic freaks.

But I can say with all certainty, the massage had a happy ending.

SO. Here’s the moral of the story, Significant Others…

If you are gonna be a schmuck and try to make up for it with expensive trinkets, you better arrange a time for them to be worn or used and pair it with wine and flowers and music and dancing and food and candles and massage and letting the other person win. Romance helps more than the stuff. Just sayin.

Good luck, Schmucks.

Good job, Husband. You get to stick around for a while longer 🙂

@BitchinKitchen ‘s Nadia G isn’t the only one that can cook in heels!

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@BitchinKitchen ‘s Nadia G isn’t the only one that can cook in heels!

So I got my first pair of couture shoes ever for my birthday (off of my magical “I ain’t never gonna get none of this shit list”…Good job Husband) and they were expensive. I, being me, don’t have many places to wear a pair of shoes that comes with 3 fancy bags, one for each shoe and one for both bagged shoes AND a box to put the final bag in. So I decided I am gonna wear these bitches whenever I can. Folding laundry. Cooking breakfast. You know. Whenever. 

(Plus, I really like cooking and being 5 inches taller, no more kitchen stool for me!)

The hardest part about it was taking pictures of them. Well, that and seeing that I really need to sweep my floor according to these pictures. Eh, I digress.

So in honor of being inspired by Nadia G and having recently watched “V for Vendetta” I made this:

Wearing these:

That makes me a magical superhero. And one hot cherry popping Mama.